Modern Miracles

Rick Joyner, who we’ve met previously in his role as lunatic New Wave Pentecostal, takes credit for praying away the Asian Flu:

And here he mentions in passing that he’s witnessed another miracle: a multitude being fed from a single casserole dish.

Have survived many a church potluck, I have my suspicions. I suspect that the casserole was some godawful concoction produced by opening random cans and dumping them together – what we southern Episcopalians used to call “Methodist funeral food.” Everybody in the congregation probably liked the dear old woman who made it, so everybody took a tiny sample of Aunt Matilda’s Tuna-and-spam casserole and dumped it into the garbage at the first opportunity. At the end of the meal, everyone complimented the cook despite having thrown away the only spoonful that touched their plate.

*gasp* Look! Everybody says they ate the casserole, yet half of the casserole dish is still full! It’s a miracle!

Via Matthew Paul Turner, who would NEVER lie to his Aunt Matilda …

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  • mikespeir

    The Asian Flu thing wasn’t bad, but this guy’s wasting his gifts on casseroles. I think I’ll email him with a few suggestions.

  • Kodie

    It’s so difficult to explain what a low bar religious believers set for proving its truth to themselves that it’s parlor tricks. Pray for something, get a result you wanted, and that squarely means Jesus. Not some other god, not coincidence. This could not have happened unless Jesus intervened. I think this is terrible. Many commenters come here and say this or that miracle that they saw, or the hair stood up on their neck, or they had a dream or saw a sign or prayed and some choice they made ended up being beneficial or whatever, so that sold them completely on the whole Jesus package, and from there on out, they mouth off every chance they get to push the whole Jesus package.

    It is marketing. This guy is selling Jesus on the same terms as a late-night infomercial. I won’t force you what to think, but I urge you to try it for yourself. There is no explanation other than Jesus for the flu not causing widespread devastation. Blurry sequence: where did the flu come from? I don’t know, it’s bad so it has to be the devil! And we prayed it away after it killed hundreds of people! Feeding a few dozen churchies out of a single casserole dish – play that trick down at the food pantry where people are starving! Put it to use! No, that doesn’t work. People have to donate to the food pantry. People have to shop their stores and their own kitchen cabinets to replenish the food pantry. Why don’t they just stay stocked? Well, miraculously they do, as long as people keep thinking of others who have less and bringing it by. And if those people didn’t have Jesus in their heart they would just let those poor people starve, right?

    So this is how god acts: He sends people to the grocery store where the food is and then sends those people in their car to the food pantry to donate what they bought. He sets up a charity walk in which people have to enter, get pledges, walk, get a free water bottle and maybe a t-shirt, collect their pledges, and then send that money to the charity to buy food for people who are chronically hungry. As cheap as beans are, I’d like to see a can of them re-appear on the shelf after I’ve eaten it without any human intervention. It’s rather easy if there’s a crowd and only one casserole for people to take less, especially if they know they can stop for brunch on the way home.

    Stuff like this makes it pretty obvious what a low bar they set, how easily people are convinced by utter nonsense.

    • FO

      His target is people that really, really *wants* validation for their beliefs.
      They will drink anything as long as it can postpone the painful explosion of cognitive dissonance by a few weeks.
      They are addict desperate for the next fix.

    • Schaden Freud

      QFT, Kodie. QFT.

  • Troutbane

    This is what drives me nuts about the faithful. They claim that skeptics have faith in science, and so it’s the same, but will NEVER accept their own claims being tested just like science does to check itself. Or they do that stuff like the bird professor did on the forums last year where they claim a cause (prayer) and effect (Nixon resigning), and bullshitted the one time they did it as proof that their faith was true. Let’s face it, if a modern day preacher could come out, in front of witnesses, and perform miracles like the Bible claims they used to do; then they might have an argument. But they can’t, because this is wrong. And that is what makes me go insane. You can’t test faith, because that is bad, you must simply accept it as faith, despite counter arguments that disprove the faith. It’s like this bizarre social Ponzi scheme. Even pointing out that other religions which, by necessity, have the exact same arguments completely counter to theirs, is not enough. Others are wrong, or misled by the devil, or whatever.
    I hate to say that the faithful are stupid, but they are definitely willfully lying to themselves because, I can only assume, basic human nature refuses them to accept that they may be wrong.

  • lawn

    That’s an extremely shrewd analysis. I, too, have suffered through many a church potluck featuring nothing but dishes I didn’t even want to look at, let alone eat.

  • trj

    So God refused to stop a disease that could potentially escalate into a pandemic. Furthermore, being omnipotent he must have either created the disease himself or allowed its creation, in the first place.

    The more people like Joyner praise their version of God, the more they make him look like a complete asshole.

  • Fentwin

    ‘Literally killed dozens of people in every state”

    “There were no more deaths, there were none in my state anyway”

    So, which one is it, dozens killed in each state, or none in your state?

    • FO

      What part of “literally” don’t you understand?
      Cue “Literal interpretation of the Bible”, it’s the same thing.

  • Jonny Scaramanga

    Kodie, your analysis is dead on. And in one of his books, C.S. Lewis pretty much advocates just this – assuming that any good thing must be God. He thinks this is more sensible than David Hume’s principle of assuming it isn’t a miracle until every other possibility has been exhausted.

    Unsurprisingly, Jesus does a lot of stuff for people who define “something Jesus does” as “anything good that happens.” Every time my Dad sold a car (he was a salesman), that was God. I don’t know why God helped all the non-Christian car salesmen so much more than He helped my Dad, but, hey, He’s God!

  • modern maricles!!!

    Miracles do happen. In medicine, they call it Medical Mysteries. But in reality, when one is cured of cancer or whatever without medical intervention, it is a modern miracle. I’ve seen lots of miracles in my life… even a boy who was brought back to life after death.