Jim West and the Monday Miracle

Dammit, I think Jim’s got us cornered on this one, The Miracle of Monday: Or, Proof of the Existence of God.

You see, beloved reader (and the several of you only loved by your mother, if even by them), every single Sunday there are reams and loads and bucketfull’s of Christian people who are laid up on the bed of infirmity. They aren’t able to utter any more than these three words, and them only through strained and strangled terminally ill voices: “I’m not going.” Of course where they aren’t going is off to worship.

But here’s where the miracle happens: those same virtually terminally ill are miraculously and amazingly healed on Monday morning! Hallelujah! Freed from their terrible infirmity of a mere 24 hours previously (and usually quite sooner, usually in fact around 12:30 p.m. on Sunday itself) they are able to go to work, go to the park, go to their favorite theater, and pursue all manner of interests which they adore!

It’s a miracle!!!!!!

As dis-confirming evidence, I cite my experience in Green Bay, where many a Christian is still laid up (read: hungover) on Monday morning.

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  • Kodie

    What the ever-loving F is he talking about?

    • vorjack

      Let’s just say that while 80% of America claims to be church going, only 30% show up to church on any given Sunday morning.

      • Kodie

        Ah. Weird.

  • vasaroti

    This is a check mark in our box. Those Sunday invalids actually know that nothing they do in any house of worship will make one iota of difference, while failing to show up for work results in very real misery.

  • Sara S.

    If you want some supportive material in regards to this type of topic, read “UnChristian” by the Barna Group, authors Kinnaman, Gabe Lyons, Lloyd James. It’s an interesting book only providing more research on how Christians are looking less and less distinct from non-Christians. For example… pg 15 “One outsider from Mississippi made this blunt observation :’Christianity has become bloated with blind followers who would rather repeat slogans than actually feel true compassion and care. Christianity has become marketed and streamlined into a juggernauts of fear mongering that has lost its own hear.’”

    • Sara S.

      last word,…. heart**

  • Paul

    My second wife is a Unitarian Universalist Minister. She started out as a Methodist minister when they first began ordaining women, only no congregations were ready to hire them, or at least her. So some UU friends convince her to switch teams and poof! she’s a working minister.

    From the beginning she knew that I was an atheist but she kept trying to convince me I’d make a really good Unitarian. My answer back was that one of the best things about being an atheist is sleeping late on Sunday mornings. Evidently this became a bit of an issue with her congregations (she was a circuit riding minister with three churches) and unsurprisingly, even though I had been clear in the beginning that I would never be a church member, we were divorced three years and three days later.