Noah’s Ark, A Great Children’s Story

because the largest and most thorough act of genocide in history makes a great children's story

Not quite so sure about the “in history” part, though.

Source: I Hate All Your Gods

  • trj

    Lesson learned: if you’re gonna have a genocide, make sure to have some animals in it to boost the cuteness. Animals and adorable babies, they make everything better. Of course, in this case all the world’s babies were mercilessly drowned, but I’m sure they all went straight to heaven. Awwww, how cute is that!

  • Michael Mock

    Yeah, the story looks a little different if Noah isn’t the central character. (Pimping my own stuff, sorry – but I saw one of those graphics recently and this is the story it inspired.)

  • Randy

    I have noticed this. My wife said, “The kids love the story but they don’t get that every child on the planet is killed.” The story is meant to be one of salvation but against a backdrop of great sin and judgement. Modern man loses the backdrop and just thinks the animals are cute and the boat is cool.

    • Isilzha

      Don’t forget the rainbow! That’s super cool!!

    • The Other Weirdo

      Is it really salvation if 99.999999999% of the world’s population is wiped out. It reminds of the time a company I used to work for sent out an email that read, “Congratulations! Contract renewed. 12 employees will be retained, the rest outsourced to Brazil.” Is that really deserving of congratulations?

  • Kevin

    Those playsets for kids ought to include 100 animals of each type. That way, instead of simply marching the two-by-twos up the gangplank, the child is forced to choose which animals will survive and which will die senseless deaths in the miles-deep floodwaters. The exercise will show him/her just how truly good that Yahweh character was in ordering a tiny houseboat to save so many innocent animals.

    • michma

      I have been reading a lot of stuff on this website. You guys seem to be very negative. Why don’t you talk about what you like instead of being angry and bashing everyone who doesn’t believe like you do?

      • Sunny Day

        Is everyone who holds a different point of view from you angry?

        If so the problem is you.

        • michma

          I believe in being positive.

      • Isilzha

        It’s hard to be positive about a story about an evil being who drowned all the people (including many innocent children, babies and babies in the womb) AND destroyed all the other creatures, but decided to save one drunk guy and his family by giving him plans for a boat that wouldn’t actually float or hold all the animals and the food they’d need. Oh, AND this evil yet somehow ‘perfect’ creature somehow FORGOT to include more than a few of the animals. I guess he must have screwed up and made the dinosaurs too big for the boat.

        Thankfully, it’s just a story, but it’s very unfortunate that many people believe such a ridiculous tale AND tell it to their children. However, it’s really funny about how tales of mass genocide are somehow happy stories to tell to kids, yet stuff like “Heather Has Two Mommies” those same people want to deem unsuitable.

      • Ken

        We are discussing genocide, mass abortion, global slaughter and a “hero” who sleeps with his own daughter. Find the cheerful, happy and uplifting part, please. In case you are missing it, there really isn’t much to like about God, the Bible or religion when you really look at it. This isn’t the “I like puppies” forum, after all.

        • Elemenope

          For the record, though, I do like puppies. Just not as much as kittens.

          • trj

            You could try another recipe.

          • michma

            Cool! What kind of kittens do you like most?

            • Sunny Day

              The living kind.

      • kholdom0790

        Guess you haven’t seen the myriad of posts talking about amazing scientific discoveries etc. But hey, cherry-pick away.

        • michma

          I’d LOVE to see those. Where are they?

          • michma

            I LOVE science a lot!

  • PartlySunny

    I was JUST telling my 9-year-old this story yesterday (he loves to hear bible stories — they crack him up). Ask anyone to explain this to a kid and it becomes very clear, very quickly how sick, wrong, and implausible it all is. They figure it out immediately. Makes you wonder why so many adults can’t.

  • michma

    Who even says I’m a Christian?… You guys are just negative. Why don’t you talk about something you like? That’s all I said. Don’t jump to conclusions so fast.

    • Sunny Day

      Sock Puppet Much?

    • Sunny Day

      Please don’t tell us to not jump to conclusions while going for the gold in the long jump category yourself. Who called you a Christian?

      If it’s general chat you are looking for I’d direct you here

    • The Other Weirdo

      I like pr0n. I’m building a private cloud to serve it to myself wherever I may be in the world. That will make me very happy.

  • John

    Dude. You guys shouldn’t yell at a girl even if she makes very interesting comments. OR at least I think it’s a girl…ha!

  • Sunny Day


  • michma

    I’m going to leave one last post on here and that’s it. I have a challenge for you guys. I challenge you to talk about what you like. For those of you who are parents, I challenge you to teach your children what you like instead of what you hate. Let’s raise a positive generation. I’ll do the same for my children. I want my children to love and not hate. It would be great if the next generation would be better about loving than the previous ones have been. Good luck with this challenge! I wish you guys the best :)

    • trj

      I like when people have the decency to not make use of sockpuppetry and try to have a relevant discussion.

    • Nox

      I reject your challenge.

      The world contains positive elements and negative elements. The negative ones don’t just go away if you stop talking about them. Positive thinking is a nice thought, but it’s not a solution. Many of us here are trying to create that positive friendly world you want to envision. But it won’t come about unless we are willing to mock and oppose bullsh*t.

      Millions of people teach their children this story about their god committing genocide, and tell their children it is something to think positively about, that this ridiculous story is true, and that this barbaric god is worth looking up to. This is something which does need to be mentioned. And there is nothing positive to say about it.

    • Sunny Day

      Every time a moron who engages in a conversation in the most superficial way chides us for not meeting their undefined standard for niceness and leaves never to return, I add another dollar to the amount I give every year to Lydia House.

    • The Other Weirdo

      Who says we hate? Just because we disagree with something, even vehemently disagree, doesn’t mean we hate.

    • Jabster

      I have a challenge for you … stop being an arsehole.

      Now I think we both realise that there’s no hope of that …

      I’ll pray for you …