Vote Jesus 2012

Via Matthew Paul Turner, the website Voting for Jesus claims that almost 1.4 million people have pledged to vote for Jesus in the upcoming Presidential election:

It is time for Christians, true followers of Jesus Christ, to rise up and say NO to satan this November! As I prophetically shared last November, if God allowed the upcoming election for President to be between President Obama and Mitt Romney, it would truly be satan flipping a two-headed coin with his head on both sides!

President Obama has proven by his words and deeds to be a true enemy of God as detailed in James 4:4. He has been the most pro-death President in history, supporting the legalized slaughter of innocent babies here and around the world, he is a staunch advocate of the radical homosexual agenda, and he has been a great friend to the enemies of Israel. On every major spiritual issue of the day, President Obama has proven to be an enemy of God and a true tool of satan!

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is a 5th generation member and a priest in the satanically inspired Mormon cult. He and others in his cult LIE when they claim to be Christians, since Mormon doctrine is 100% inconsistent with Biblical Christianity and a Mormon is no more a Christian than a Muslim is. He deceives people by saying he believes in “God” and “Jesus” is his savior, when the “god” of Romney’s cult is NOT the God of the Bible, and their “jesus” is NOT the Jesus of the Bible. Romney and those in his cult believe the Bible to be a flawed and incomplete book and look at Biblical Christians as inferior and non-believers for rejecting the beliefs of their cult.

If President Obama is re-elected, his anti-American, socialist policies will continue, as will his attacks on Christianity and Christian churches. He will continue to support abortion, homosexuality, the enemies of Israel. How can a true follower of Christ vote in good conscience for a man who has proven to be a true enemy of God and His Word and will continue to be so in his next term?

If Mitt Romney is elected, he will be the fulfillment of his cult’s polygamist, pedophile, racist, con artist, murdering founder Joseph Smith’s “White Horse” prophecy that Romney and all Mormon’s believe. That prophecy says that the United States will facing great economic and social unrest, a Mormon will be elected President, declare a national emergency and set aside the US Constitution and enact a Mormon theocracy. That may sound impossible, but ever since he was at BYU, Romney was called by his inner circle “the chosen one” to fulfill their cult’s prophecy.

No, not judgy at all.

Anyway, I think this is a fine idea. I can see no reason why any good, God-fearing Christian man wouldn’t write in Jesus on Election Day. (Good, God-fearing Christian women are no doubt at home, whipping up something to eat for their husbands who have just strained their voting muscles at the polls.) I heartily endorse this pledge and hope that all my good conservative Christian neighbors have the faith and courage to take it.

Atheists in the Evangelical Mind
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Being Agent Scully
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  • Keulan

    Wait, is Jesus even an American citizen? I want to see his birth certificate.

    • TheOffensiveAtheist

      I saw it, really long, in book form & FULL of inconsistencies. If he’s elected i want the FBI to investigate, personally i believe he may be an A-rab!

  • William

    So a bunch of really stupid people are going to spoil their ballots this november on purpose? No harm done I guess.

  • mikespeir

    Oh, I hope they do vote for Jesus! I hope they really do.

  • The Other Weirdo

    It’s good to see them finally embrace social media. Went hogwild with it, of course, but baby steps. Baby steps.

  • vasaroti

    Well, it’s too late for Wilfredo de Jesus to enjoy the extra votes, but I’m sure there’s another candidate named Jesus out there who’ll be pleased.

    • Yoav

      Maybe that’s what Mittens meant when he said the if he was Mexican he would be sure to win the election.

  • Thin-ice

    Wow, we now have TWO Anti-Christs to choose from! It’s a relief to know that whoever gets elected will be the Anti-Christ. And then Jesus will come back to take names and kick ass.

    • Hitchslapper

      Yes, ‘Thin-ice…. and don’t forget to ask the ‘Tooth Fairy’ for a dollar when someone knocks you teeth out for being stupid.

      • Noelle

        I don’t get it.

        • Elemenope

          Hitchslapper’s sarcasm detector is sadly broken. Of course even if it weren’t, it would still be a dickish sort of response.

          • Jabster

            I’ve always thought he was just a troll and treat him as such …

            • Noelle

              Ah, well that makes more sense then. Thanks

      • Custador

        Hitchslapper, I really have to ask: How old are you? The angry teenager bit is starting to get very tired.

  • FO

    Could this be a POE to favour Obama?
    If True Christians don’t vote, Romney stands to lose the most.

  • slantrhyme

    Since I vote in a Red state anyways, I’m definitely casting my ballot for “Satan, Prince of Darkness”.

    • Paul

      Back during the Ford/Carter election (the first one I could vote in) the guy who had played Bozo the clown was making the rounds of colleges with his Bozo for President campaign. His slogan was “whether you vote for me or one of them, you’re voting for a Bozo”. Strangely, his campaign made more sense than the Ford campaign.

  • Paul

    “Romney and those in his cult believe the Bible to be a flawed and incomplete book and look at Biblical Christians as inferior and non-believers for rejecting the beliefs of their cult.”

    I wonder if during the council of Nycea if there were rabbis saying the same thing about the new testament and christianity in general?

    • Larry

      Just a little follow-up. To say that Mormons believe the Bible is flawed seems to me to be an overstatement. Mormons actually believe the Bible is the word of God… as far as it is translated correctly (see Articles of Faith #8). A Jewish friend points out that it is really “Thou shall not MURDER” not “Thou shall not kill”. Mormons DO study the Bible and it is extremely rare that any mistranslation pointed out.
      I don’t believe that it is Mormon church doctrine to say that Biblical Christians are inferior. Rather, I would say that Mormons are thankful that Chistian churches have been able to exist down thru the years since Christ walked on the earth. Also, Mormons believe that all men have the privilege of worshiping God according to the dictates of their own conscience (see Articles of Faith #11).

  • Larry

    Regarding “since Mormon doctrine is 100% inconsistent with Biblical Christianity”: Let me think… Mormons believe the Bible is the Word of God, they believe in God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost, they believe in baptism, they believe in prayer, they do believe that Satan does exist (and no, they don’t believe he is a god, nor do they worship him), they believe Jesus is the Christ and that he died on the cross for us. I could continue, but exactly what part of this is 100% inconsistent with Biblical Christianity?
    If you are a Baptist, why aren’t you a Methodist? If you are a Lutheran, why aren’t you a Catholic? If you are a Seventh Day Adventist, why aren’t you a Jehovah Witness? Or a Quaker? Or a Menonite? Is it possible that their beliefs aren’t 100% consistent with yours and thus their church is a cult?

    • Sunny Day

      I thought these parts were pretty inconsistent:
      The bit about the Trinity actually being 3 separate gods.
      All the Weird stuff added with golden tablets.
      Space gods and the ability to become a space god.

      Pretty much everything that makes mormons different from christianity.

      • UrsaMinor

        Exactly. You really can’t shoehorn Mormon apotheosis into compatibility with mainstream Christian doctrine. For me the bottom line is that the Mormon afterlife is fundamentally different from the mainstream Christian one- and what is religion about, if not a set of guidelines for getting to a particular afterlife? Mormons and Christians are not aiming at the same target and have clashing cosmologies.

  • Hitchslapper

    Aaaaaaaah, what a Glorious day it was, back in 1827 when Joseph Smith dug up those ‘Golden Tablets’ of the Mormon Bible, buried under that tree in Upstate New York….. Bwa-hahahahahahaha…..I know I’ll never forget the day…… I haven’t even finished laughing about it yet. Do you suppose that Geebus Jetted over here to bury them himself???? RELIGION…. it is the greatest SCAM ever perpetrated against the Human race……

  • RavynG

    good xtian wife is making sammiches for her voting husband. can’t believe you missed that one!

  • Nathan

    So there’s more than one Jesus now?

    • Kodie

      He’s like a product on the shelf, like soda. There are brands of soda people prefer, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Royal Crown, boutique brands like Jones or Moxie, and more popular flavors like lemon-lime, ginger ale, Dr. Pepper, orange, grape, pineapple, strawberry, diet, Tab, root beer, birch beer, lime cola, vanilla cola, cherry cola, cream, black cherry (for some reason), Dr. Brown’s flavors like cream, black cherry, and Cel-Ray (RIP diet Cel-Ray), Waist Watchers diet sodas in an array of popular flavors including the only chocolate fudge flavored soda I’ve ever seen, Polar oddities like Orange Dry and Cranberry Dry, and the ever-increasing flavor assortment of Polar seltzers, club soda, half-and-half, and Fresca, which is grapefruit-flavored. Etc. They’re all carbonated soda products, they’re all the same basic thing, but they have brands and flavors within those market shares of brands of bottling companies of divisions of conglomerates.

      • Elemenope

        “I just came back from Italy, and let me tell you, Jesus Christ…is big there. He’s everywhere! He’s like the Coca-Cola of Italy.”

        • FO


          But I’d wager he may have seen a lot more saints and confused them with Big J.

  • Ed Brock

    I’m voting for SUPERMAN & THOR in 2012.