Five days until the Mayan odometer rolls over, and I’m hearing surprisingly little about the end of the world. I expected more freaking out. I’m probably just not watching the right channels.
NASA has produced a Sciencecast to be watched on December 22nd, but I suppose there’s no harm in opening just one present early …
Man Who Will Die In Great Eastern Seaboard Flood Of 2023 Preparing For Mayan Apocalypse
FAIRFIELD, CT—Heeding warnings that a world-ending cataclysmic event will occur next Friday, local man Craig Massey, 26, who will be one of several thousand fatalities in 2023’s Great Eastern Seaboard Flood, told reporters today he is fully prepared for the apocalypse he believes the ancient Mayans predicted.
“This is the big one, and I’m not taking any chances,” said Massey, who 11 years from now will drown in Hurricane Cindy’s thrashing storm surge as his house is demolished and all his possessions are washed away. “The conclusion of the 13th b’ak’tun is upon us. I plan on being prepared.”
Displaying more concern for the dire predictions of numerologists than the warnings of modern scientists regarding the changes in climate that will eventually lead to his unceremonious death, Massey confirmed he has spent much of the year fortifying his basement to create a bunker capable of withstanding “doomsday-level forces.”