Mormons and Those Other Minorities

The elapse time of internet parodies continues to shorten. In imitation of the PR move and website directed at homosexuals, mentioned here, there’s now a biting parody website, Mormons and Negros:

Where the Church Stands:

Being black is a complex reality for many people. Having dark skin isn’t itself a sin, but it is often an indicator of past sin. Even though individuals are sometimes cursed with dark skin because of sins committed in this lifetime, others may not have sinned in this life: those who were less valiant in the war in heaven are born with dark skin.

The site even dug up an old tradition that almost every Mormon could wish gone: the idea that as non-whites become truly faithful, they will become white. My understanding is that this has always been a minority belief, but it continues to pop up:

Fortunately, God can help those who were born black overcome their skins of darkness and become “white and delightsome” once again – the curse can be removed! Both Brigham Young and Spencer W. Kimball, among others, spoke of this miracle of miracles. President Kimball even saw this happening among the Lamanites (Native Americans) after they were brought into white foster homes.

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  • Mark Temporis

    Too bad for them Michael Jackson was JW; he almost proved that last belief!

  • Kodie

    So wait a second. What war in heaven?

    • Cylon

      Mormon theology states that everyone existed as spirits before the earth was created. God the father got the idea that all the spirits should go down to earth but called for proposals on implementations of the plan. Jesus (who is a separate person from God) proposed to let everybody have free will, but then he would go sacrifice himself to atone for their sins ’cause he knew they’d screw it up if given half the chance. Lucifer (Satan) said we should just forget about the free will thing and just make everybody do the right thing all the time so everyone can be saved. All the spirits took sides for which plan they wanted (2/3 sided with Jesus and God, and 1/3 were on Lucifer’s team), they had a fight, Jesus won, and the saps that sided with Lucifer were cast into Outer Darkness (or sent to earth as demons to possess people, depending on which version you hear). That is the war in heaven.

      • Kodie

        Just when I don’t believe anyone believes what they do believe, I find out it’s worse.

  • vasaroti

    “as non-whites become truly faithful, they will become white”
    Wasn’t that in the original stuff that Joseph Smith wrote?
    I guess it doesn’t matter; Jesus supposedly said “turn the other cheek,” and that remains a minority belief, too.

    • blotonthelandscape

      Not Joe, it was a later revelation.

  • Erik

    White and delightsome? Sounds like a Ben and Jerry’s flavor or something.

  • Azel

    Wait a second, a war in Heaven? God is omnipotent, and if I recall correctly my Christian mythology the only omnipotent being around. Why would there even be a war in Heaven? For God’s entertainment, like in the circus games of old?

    • Makoto

      Nah, it/he just said that you shouldn’t follow other gods before it/him. Really, that implies there are likely other gods out there, and it even leaves open the possibility that others are *more* omnipotent..

      And given how this particular god is told to have played with its/his creation, it wouldn’t surprise me if they set up a war in heaven like gladiator battles or circus games.

      • Reginald Selkirk

        Gladiator battles are just not as frightful if all parties involved are capable of resurrection or reincarnation.

    • Reginald Selkirk

      Wait a second, a war in Heaven? God is omnipotent…

      The word omnipotent appears only once in Teh Bible (Rev 19:6). Many people confuse Yahweh, the Jewish tribal god of the Bible; with the omni-God of the philosophers, who is omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent.

      • vasaroti

        Wow, did not know that. And Handel made such a big deal about it in the Hallelujah Chorus.

  • igor

    According to some myths, Yahweh and Ba’al were rivals in heaven, and fought for control, using men as proxies (oh those deities!). The Canaanites were for Ba’al and the Hebrews worked for Yahweh. We see how that worked out. Very convenient mythological bullshit to explain Joshua’s genocide of the Canaanites and the Hebrews’ takeover of the valley. It was God’s idea.

    • Agnikan

      …assuming that there was a Canaanite genocide as described in the Torah, rather than the genocide being added centuries later to explain why non-Jewish Canannites no longer existed in Palestine c. 500 BCE.

  • Al Christensen

    Even back when I was a young, naive, impressionable Mormon, I had trouble accepting the church’s doctrines about race (among other things). I guess I should thank those old racists for helping to nudge me out of that religion.

  • http://wha Ed Bliss

    Just to be clear… the War in Heaven is not an idea that originated with Joseph Smith. Isaiah referred to it, and Chapter 12 of Revelation mentions it. An interesting Mormon twist: In Revelation 12;4 the one-third of the angels who were “bad guys,” following Lucifer, were cast down to earth. In Mormon theology it was the “good guys,” the followers of Jesus, who were rewarded by being sent to earth!

    Ed Bliss, author of “What Mormons Don’t Know About Mormonism”

  • Robster

    Whaaaaat? How can those afflicted with mormonism look at regular, normal people in the eye and how can regular people trust them with anything? How can regular normal people, even those afflicted with the other milder versions of christian religious madness look at the afflicted mormons with breaking out in loud laughter. Was that Smith fellow on really wierd drugs or something? Must have been mushrooms, they can be known as gold tops so I suppose if you’re whacked on drugs, they could look like wee little gold plates, possibly but probably not. Mormonism, it’s got to be a joke, isn’t it?

    • JohnMWhite

      That’s a bit unfair. A good number of Christians believe some very strange things, such as the bread and wine they eat at Communion being the real body and blood of a human deity that is ok to eat somehow. They pretty much all believe in at least two people coming back from the dead after several days. Weirdness is relative.

      • FO

        Yeah, probably the weirdness gets just withered by numbers.

  • JohnMWhite

    New Mormon awareness campaign: “it gets whiter”?