Loaves and Spaghetti

Cindy Jacobs is reliably loopy, but her account of various daily miracles is a stretch even for her…

“We believe we’re moving into a supernatural season, where if needed, God will multiply food. I have seen God multiply food more than one time when I was cooking. I mean when our kids were little, they were always bringing friends into the house. And I remember spooning out spaghetti or whatever, just praying in the spirit over that, and God just made more and more and more. You know, I’ve seen oil multiply as I was praying for the sick. I’ve seen bottles of oil just fill up about a cup a time of oil. But the point is we were promised supernatural provisions.”

Courtesy of the reliably entertaining Christian Nightmares. And while we’re on the subject, check out the new Christian Nightmares Too, where you can submit your own Christian nightmare:

In 2013, I’ll be starting a new blog called Christian Nightmares Too. For the past three years, Christian Nightmares has been highlighting (or lowlighting) the absurd, terrifying, hilarious, ridiculous, and troubling beliefs, behaviors, and actions of many evangelical Christians. Unfortunately, there continues to be an abundance of such material so Christian Nightmares will continue. But now I’d also like to help show how these beliefs, behaviors, and actions often negatively affect people, so Christian Nightmares Too will allow you to tell your story.

  • blotonthelandscape

    Blasphemy! She attributes the work of our sweet FSM (may his noodly appendage be touch you appropriately) to her false god!

  • RJ

    Gee, you think that if God was so willing to create food out of thin air for not only Cindy’s kids but their friends as well, he’d help out a poor, starving family once in a while…

    Of course, she could always serve fruit cake…there seems to be an abundance of it in that household.

    • FO

      The poor are lazy or brown or godless, they don’t deserve it.

  • FO

    This is a keeper, for when the next apologist claims that God does not answer unworthy prayers.

    (She was praying for the poor and God gave food to *her*!? God has very bad aim…)

  • Sue Blue

    Observable, testable evidence that evolution is not a linear process of improvement. This woman would make H. erectus spin in their fossil beds with embarrassment at having been the ancestors of this waste of multicellular life. Worse, judging by her story of the magical multiplying spaghetti feast, she’s reproduced.

    Even worse is the cringeworthy fact that, if this shit is being broadcast, it is steadily radiating outward from our planet at the speed of light along with every shitty TV broadcast for the last 60-some years. If some alien race did ever come and wipe out human life, who could blame them?

  • Nox

    It’s an unfair distribution for sure. The only people who get to see any miracles are the ones who approach every day assuming they are going to. And even for them it is always some lameass miracle like “I found my keys” or “that time we didn’t run out of spaghetti”.

    • Bill

      Nox nails it again.