The Coconut Argument for God


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  • Lurker111

    You can still snuggle up to a coconut. Try a pineapple.

    • Bart Mitchell

      How in Baal’s name do they cut up a pineapple so that they don’t have those little hard brown bits? I’ve tried and tried, and I either throwing away half the damned fruit, or just eat the little hard bits.

      You know another fruit that sucks, mangos. Sure, they are delicious, but when you pick them they can spit a nasty brown acid that burns and stains your skin. Seriously, a beautiful, designed world?

      • Bart Mitchell

        Duh, why ask a question in a forum, when you can just ask Google.

        Im trying this on the next pineapple we get.

        • UrsaMinor

          Well, damn, I was hoping that the answer was going to be “sharks with lasers”. You just spoiled all the fun.

      • Elemenope

        They sell a tool just for that purpose. It’s like a giant corkscrew, and it works like a charm; perfect pineapple spirals, no waste.

        • Kodie

          You know what else I saw at the store was a thing to make pancake shapes. But you know, they taste pretty good round and god didn’t make spoons either.

  • brgulker

    I lol’d.

  • bruce wright

    You don’t get it, do you? Bananas are designed with humans in mind. Coconuts were designed for T-Rex’s big nutcracking teeth!

    If God made coconuts easy enough for humans to get, then the T-Rex’s would all STARVE

    • trj

      True. If God in his wisdom hadn’t created separate fruits for humans and T. Rexes then humans might have fought the T. Rexes for food.

      They don’t teach you that in biology class, no siree.

      • Lester Ballard

        Straight outta Ken Ham’s ass.

  • rayceeya

    I would have gone with a pineapple instead of a coconut.

    Pineapples are tough AND covered in spikes.

  • Greg G.

    Pineapples and coconuts are for daiquiris. Take a look at a durian. It’s the size of a watermelon covered in spikes that will draw blood if you try to carry it unprotected. You need a machete to get through the rind. The odor is the smell they put into natural gas so you can tell when you have a leak. But the texture and the flavor make it worth it. Try it with strong, sweetened, hot black coffee. They sometimes have it in the freezer at Asian groceries.

    • Michael

      Deadly nightshade might be an even better example. Most fruits in the nightshade family are edible and nutritious, but that one contains atropine, which kills you. (Tobacco is another example of a poisonous nightshade, as nicotine is also a deadly poison.)

      God dammit.

      • Reginald Selkirk

        as nicotine is also a deadly poison

        To insects, anyway.

        • UrsaMinor

          It’s extremely toxic to mammals, too. The lethal dose in adult humans can be as low as 30 mg depending on body weight and metabolism, although it’s more typically in the range 60 to 120 mg.

    • Ubi Dubium

      No way. I once tried to eat a cookie flavored with durian. One bite, and I sealed up the rest of the bag and threw it out, then took out the trash to get the smell out of the house. Then I immediately went out for ice cream to try to get rid of the taste, but the overwhelming flavor of turpentine was hard to get rid of. Never again.

      I’ve always gone with the pineapple as evidence that god is a jerk. I might also include pomegranites, and maybe macadamia nuts. (And cilantro! I mean, c’mon, creating an herb that 3/4 of us think is great and cook with all the time, but to the other 1/4 of us tastes like soap and makes the food completely inedible? How much of a jerk is this guy?)

      • JK

        In Singapore you are not allowed to bring durians into your hotel room. Guess why. The odor is appalling. I was told it tasted a little like vanilla, but neither flavour nor its glibbery consistency are for me.
        People were saying you either love or hate it. I guess you have to grow up with that fruit to really get to like it ^^.

      • UrsaMinor

        How can you cite macadamia nuts as evidence that God is a jerk? They have no shells to crack and they come conveniently packaged in glass jars so that they don’t roll all over the shelves at the grocery store. Surely this is evidence of intelligent design by a benevolent supernatural being.

        I will agree, though, that the existence of cilantro is damaging to the god-loves-us-all argument.

        • Sunny Day

          Crap! So that’s what that semi soapy taste is after I eat a burrito made by a local restaurant.

          It’s not bad enough to make me want to give them up. for 5$ I can eat half for lunch and half for dinner.

          • UrsaMinor

            Yup. I’m told by those lucky folks who won the genetic lottery that cilantro is really good stuff, but to me it always tastes like somebody forgot to rinse the soap off the dishes.

        • Brian K

          My landlady is an amazing cook, and she made me a cilantro sauce for salmon. I will think of you at luch when I am consuming this delicious green nectar!

          • UrsaMinor

            If you want to know how the other half experiences this culinary Jekyll and Hyde, ask your landlady to substitute a bar of soap for the cilantro in the next batch of sauce.

  • Kodie

    First of all, that’s not the hard part about getting into a coconut.

    Secondly, coconuts are a natural laxative.

    What can we conclude?

    • Reginald Selkirk

      That God gives a shit?

  • vasaroti

    I’ve been told that plants with strong flavors generally evolved them to repel insects and other things that eat them. Ummmm…inseciticide!