I’ll Wait for the Movie

The “History” Channel’s “The Bible” miniseries, loosely based on the Bible, now has a spin-off novel containing the retold Bible stories … I feel a headache coming on.

It has what Richard Metzger calls “the very best title EVER in the entire history of the publishing industry… well at least since the invention of the Gutenberg printing press in the 15th century.”

A Story of God and All of Us: A Novel Based on the Epic TV Miniseries “The Bible”

Scripture’s greatest stories and most compelling characters come to life in this sweeping new novel by Roma Downey and Mark Burnett.

Beginning with the creation of man and ending with the revelation of a new world, readers will revel in this epic saga of warriors, rebels, poets, and kings, all called upon by God to reveal His enduring love for mankind. Ultimately, God’s plan is fulfilled in the story of Jesus the Messiah, whose life, death and resurrection brings salvation to one and all.

Something about this just sums up popular Christianity.

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  • Iron Hat

    The whole series playing on the History Channel is an oxymoron don’t you think?

    • Yoav

      I assume you haven’t been watching much of the history channel in the last decade or you wouldn’t expect to find any actual history in there. The bible series would fit right in there with stuff like ancient aliens.

      • Lester Ballard

        Occasionally, there is still good programming on the channel, but not often.

        • UrsaMinor

          Not nearly often enough for me to bother watching the History Channel anymore.

          • kessy_athena

            Well, you know, occasionally even Ancient Aliens has some redeeming value, aside from how hilarious it is. I learned about Göbekli Tepe for the first time from Ancient Aliens. Although it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with aliens, it is a really fascinating neolithic site.

            Unfortunately the number of times they talk about something interesting that you might not have heard of elsewhere has dropped to near zero these days, mostly replaced with outright fiction.

    • http://theotherweirdo.wordpress.com The Other Weirdo

      Still not as bad as watching Stargate, the Movie, on History Channel.

  • Hitchslapper

    One of the very few things still worth watching….. UNIVERSE……

  • Igor

    Best line I heard: “The History Channel is running “The Bible” because there’s no Comforting Fantasy Channel.

    • Bob Jase

      Yes there is, its just called A&E.

    • Michael

      “Comforting fantasy” covers probably 90% of programming. That’s what most fiction is all about.

      • http://theotherweirdo.wordpress.com The Other Weirdo

        100%, if you include reality programming and news.

        • kessy_athena

          Errr, I don’t know about you, but North Korea threatening to start a war is not what I consider comforting…

  • Igor

    While beautifully shot, the dialogue is insipid and contrived. There is some attempt at conversations between the characters, but all Jesus gets to utter are his quotes, usually out of context. Then they all nod, presumably inspired. It’s pretty tedious. Very inspirational for a fourth grader or an fundamentalist, but banal at best for anyone who actually has a passing familiarity with 1st century Palestine.

  • trj

    I like a zombie tv series as much as the next guy, but I gotta say this one had an extremely slow build-up. Also, I found the plot rather contrived and overly reliant on deus ex machina.

    1/10. Would not watch again.

  • Igor

    Brilliant, trj!

  • Stacey C.

    If you’re not watching it (and I’m certainly not) you SHOULD be watching Dusty Smith’s YouTube videos based off of it. He’s brilliant IMHO. Here’s the first installment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUOg5F886xw

  • SonOfCthulhu

    “The “History” Channel’s “The Bible” miniseries, loosely based on the Bible, now has a spin-off novel containing the retold Bible stories … I feel a headache coming on.” — this is the same feeling I had yesterday when I learned Doritos would be making a “Doritos Tacos Locos” flavor, based on the Taco Bell entree made from Doritos corn chips.

  • http://yaburrow.googlepages.com yvonne

    So they created a spin-off novel for all those fundamentalists who haven’t actually read the Bible because it’s too long, and so they can claim the existence of things like “Biblical marriage between one man and one woman” with a straight face. Urgh.