Virginia Governor Candidate Supports Anti-Oral Sex Law

Via Mother Jones:

Last month, three judges on the US Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit deemed a Virginia anti-sodomy law unconstitutional. The provision, part of the state’s “Crimes Against Nature” law, has been moot since the 2003 US Supreme Court decision overruled state laws barring consensual gay sex, but Virginia has kept the prohibition on the books.

Now Virginia attorney general and Republican gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli is asking the full 4th Circuit to reconsider the case. Cuccinelli wants the court to revive the prohibition on consensual anal and oral sex, for both gay and straight people. (The case at hand involves consensual, heterosexual oral sex.)

This deserves a joke from the late, great Molly Ivins:

The seventy-third session (1993) of the Texas Legislature is pretty much typified by the following Warren Chisum story, Representative Chisum being the Bible-thumping dwarf from Pampa who has added such “je ne sais quoi” to the proceedings this year.

The Texas Senate had a rare moment of courage early in the session when it voted to remove homosexual sodomy from the revised version of the penal code. All were astonished.

Their vision made its way over to the House, where Chisum promptly rose and introduced an amendment to reinstate the damn thing. The Housies were afraid everyone would think they were queer if they didn’t vote for Chisum’s amendment, so they did.

Then some scholar explained to Chisum that unless he reinstated the ban on heterosexual sodomy as well, the law would be declared unconstitutional. So Chisum promptly got up and did just that.

Whereupon we had one of the more bizarre debates in the history of the Lege, with assorted avant garde members rising at the back mike to say, approximately, “Uh, Warren, uh, suppose I am in bed with my lawfully wedded spouse and I, like, kind of misaim and wind up in the wrong hole. You don’t want to send me to prison for that, do you?”

Chisum would stoutly reply, “Yes, I do. It’s against nature and The Bible.”

So the Housies were afraid everyone would think they were perverts if they didn’t vote for it, and they did. Chisum then shook hands with his ally, Talmadge Heflin of Houston, in celebration of this double triumph, and the Speaker had to send the Sergeant-at-arms over to reprimand them both.

Because under Chisum’s own amendments, it’s illegal for a prick to touch an asshole in this state. [From Nothin' But Good Times Ahead]

Don’t nobody go kissing Candidate Cuccinelli.

Being Agent Scully
Hallquist on Eich
A Higher View of Sex
Once you run out of ice giants …
  • sailor1031

    Since the democrats haven’t been able to come up with any other candidate for governor than a flack named Terry McAuliffe who has virtually no support in the state, It is just about inevitable that Cuccinelli will be the next governor. I’m worried. Cuccinelli has shown himself to be a complete idiot on many occasions.

    • Artor

      Worse than a complete idiot, he’s also a mean-spirited asshole. I weep for the state of my birth.

  • Mick

    I can’t tell whether these American politician stories are jokes, or lies, or what.

    • JohnMWhite

      A good rule of thumb is to assume any story you hear about an American politician is true, unless it results in them either doing good for the community or actually being punished for their bad behaviour.

    • Artor

      Only the punchline. The rest of the story can be taken as factual. Texas is, I believe, the same state in which they introduced bills to define pi as 3.0, and English as the official language, because it was good enough for Jesus.

    • Reginald Selkirk

      The story above is probably what I call a true joke.

  • Sue Blue

    Because everybody knows that reinstituting boneheaded medieval laws will make all the real problems – like unemployment, foreclosures, debt, abysmal infant mortality rates, and crappy education – go away! At the very least, these idiots can put off addressing real issues for the length of time it takes them to discuss sodomy, fellatio, and cunnilingus.

    • Michael

      I don’t think there’s any particular problem with infant mortality in Virgina or the U.S. And foreclosure and unemployment rates are down across the country. So things are being done (at least at the federal level).

      But that still doesn’t excuse this outrageous waste of time.

      • kessy_athena

        Actually, the US does have a high infant mortality rate compared to the rest of the developed world. 6.00 deaths per thousand births, compared with 4.49 for the EU or 2.21 for Japan. Obviously, it’s nowhere near the rates for the developing world, such as 48.99 for Bangladesh or 93.61 for Chad. (Source: CIA world factbook ) The infant mortality rate in the US is still generally considered an indictment of our health care system.

        • Custador

          Yeah, beat me to that one. Reported mortality statistics in the USA are useless anyway – America says it has some of the best cancer survival rates in the world – And among those who actually get treated, it does – but when you factor in all the people who don’t get diagnosed or treated because they have no money, those stats look a lot less rosey.

          • Michael

            The reported infant mortality statistics are also problematic though. Every country uses different standards for calculating it, and many nations don’t count very premature babies in the statistics.

            The CDC says this cannot account for the entirety of the difference though, so I guess you’re right. You’re certainly right about the cancer statistics, which typically fail to reflect the huge number of poor who don’t receive any treatment. This seems to be largely a problem of the cost of healthcare (and health insurance), rather than the quality of healthcare.

  • kraut

    Hmm, so now they need some policing done… regular mouthswabs and anal inspections for married couples and homosexuals alike. Talk about a work make program.
    That should solve some of the unemployment program…think about the intensive training involved, the surveillance industry should thank the future governor.
    But he should set an example: him and his wife the first ones to be tested…in public of course.

  • kessy_athena

    A while ago, John Boehner accused President Obama of trying to destroy the Republican Party. I have no idea why he thinks the President would do that – the GOP is doing a fine job of destroying itself without any help from anyone.

  • Dutchhobbit

    Is it me or do the people who scream about American freedom, and how great and free America is, the ones who want to take the most freedom away.

    • Yoav

      You’re not using the proper dictionary.
      The government telling consenting adults how, and with who, they can have sex.=freedom
      The government telling coal mining companies they have to install safety equipment in their mine.=tyranny

      • Dutchhobbit

        I hope you are being sarcastic.

        • kessy_athena

          Unfortunately not. There’s a not insignificant group who basically view freedom as meaning in essence, “I get to do whatever I want, along with the people I like and identify with, and screw everybody else, they don’t deserve to be taken into account.” I’d also note that this attitude is not confined to the right wing.

  • Morrigan

    Someone should remind them that it’s the PENAL code, not the PENILE code.

  • RickRay1

    The dick head Virginia governor should check in the mirror to see if his own head is covered in that smelly, brown stuff ! I can smell him all the way to Canada.

  • Hitchslapper

    This Governor candidate shouls support a clean Butt law….. He can lick my ass clean!!!!!

  • JK

    Welcome to the country of the free. Does that mean the country of the butt sex free, at least for that one particular state? :-P

  • JK

    And while I’m at it: Why ban oral sex, when some male organ fits the hand and mouth as well as a banana? Perfectly natural then isn’t it? :D
    (Ray Comfort’s banana video on youtube:


    Yessireee, let’s git gumment off the back of business and into people’s bed rooms.

  • MusicDragon

    How…. would they even enforce this law?

    • fred

      Why even wait to find out,friend. Say your in a secluded area of a park and your woman wants to please you. Bada bing,here comes Ricky Ranger and bada boom your in the court of the Crimson King,waiting for your room at the big house.

  • fred

    Their back…the abolitionist have returned and this is just some more of their sneaky legislature moves that they`ve been wanting from the GOP. They redistrict their GOP controlled states to take the power out of the metropolis to the country bible thumpers. Its modern day taxation without representation and we need to take this to the courts. But alas they`ve managed to gain control of those institutions,as well. What more do you need to see,my fellow Americans.