Help, Mom!

Until I’m told differently, I’m assuming that this book is a joke, but it’s a damn funny one:

As always, the reviews are even better:

We bought this for our three boys, Beza, Calvin, and Van Till! They loved every minute of this book! Buying this book will root my children in a holy fear of the Arminian heresy!!! The joy they got out of this book made me almost as happy as when little Calvin started quoting the Institutes, little Van Till argued for the existence of God by assuming He existed, and little Beza threw rocks at that Methodist kid in his class! I know that God has predestined them to great things!!! I am so proud of my three little supralapsarians!!!”

And under the heading “I was predestined to read this book,”

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has theologically-minded children! And by anyone I mean anyone in the whole world…And by whole world, I mean the elect.

So Long, And Thanks For All The Memories (From Dan)
Romance at Mars Hill
Being Agent Scully
Atheist Dog Tricks
  • DMa

    First, let me say, I misread the title. I though it read, “Help, Mom! There are Animals Under My Bed!”, thinking it was a book about teaching kids not to be afraid of imaginary things. Sorely, sorely disappointed to learn that it’s actually a book teaching kids to be afraid of, of all things, imaginary things. SMH

    Ha! That first review: “Little Beza threw rocks at that Methodist kid in his class!” Certainly a proud moment for any parent.

  • kessy_athena

    I actually misread it as, “…Armenians under my bed.” Which confused me, since that title would really only make sense if the book were in Turkish. ;)

    I’m kind of afraid to check if it’s a joke or not – Poe’s Law can have some scary consequences.

  • Machintelligence

    I suspect that the book is not a joke, although the title is an attempt at humor. As mentioned, some of the reviews on Amazon are hilarious.

  • Nox

    While it appears to actually be for sale on Amazon, this book is definitely intended as a joke. It’s a parody of a real series of propaganda books for conservative parents entitled Help, Mom.

    Note that the ones by DeBrecht use the standard fox boogeymen (liberals, hollywood, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals) while this similar looking book with a similar title and different author uses an obscure heresy from the 1600s.

    The joke seems to be that the tracts some conservatives produce today warning that people who disagree with them will destroy society, bear a resemblance to the tracts some conservatives produced 400 years ago warning that people disagreeing with them will destroy society,

  • Mick

    What nonsense. Next thing they’ll be saying that some guy was born to a virgin, walked on water, and came back from the dead (as if anyone would be silly enough to believe that).


    I don’t think its a joke. Look at other books by the same author. This one in particular: “look inside” at pages 5, 6.

    It looks like this is one of those people that believes the US was founded as a “Christian Nation”.

  • Observer

    I’m telling you differently. Google the author. If this is a hoax, then it’s extremely elaborate, as the author is currently becoming notorious in the Baptist community as a firebrand “reformer.”

  • The Other Weirdo

    All I got from that is areminder of that hilarious old CSI episode: “Your mother sleep… with Azerbaijani!”