Todd Bentley Heals the Lady Bits

We post a lot of clips from preachers who are an embarrassment to mainstream Christianity: Cindy Jacobs, Pat Robertson, Bryan Fisher, and so on.

Todd Bentley is in a league of his own. I’m convinced that fringe lunatics are embarrassed by Todd Bentley. Somewhere in the shriveled lump that is his heart, Fred Phelps is ashamed to be part of the same religion as Todd Bentley.

This is from Bentley’s latest email blast seeking to raise money for his ministry in Uganda. He tells the story of a recent healing:

They brought a woman that had been to all the witch doctors and all the magic soothsayers and whatever she could do to get healed because she had breast cancer. The doctors could do nothing to help her. So she went to the witch doctors and she got involved in all the magic. She said, “I just want to be healed.” She was a notable woman of government. Everybody knew who this woman was, and they knew she had cancer.

After they failed to get her healed, medically and witchcraft, she needed to have surgery to remove one breast. They totally removed one breast from cancer. She was in the crowd that night with maybe six or seven thousand people. As she was standing in the crowd, the power of God came all over her and she grew a brand new breast. They brought her onto the platform and I had never seen anything like this in my life.

This woman was weeping and crying and screaming and jumping up and down. She was excited. The people were like, “What happened to this woman? Is this possible?” Right after that, they brought two more people onto the platform. The woman was born without the parts that a woman needs, and the man as well because of a cancerous tumor. Both of them were instantly healed. This man and woman both received a reproductive miracle in their body. All the reproductive organs and parts grew back in the meeting at the same time that this woman’s breast came back.

The next day when I showed up, all the witch doctors and all the people that believed in witchcraft showed up at the meeting because they said, “We need to meet the white man that has power to make breasts grow.”

“God came all over her …”

… I’m just gonna let you fill in your own joke here. Try not to get us kicked off of Patheos.

  • LenKoz

    I was going to leave a comment about how amazed I was that someone could tell that big a lie then I remembered that we were talking about religion, i.e., the greatest lie ever told, so this slimeball making up lies about people growing back body parts on stage really shouldn’t surprise me.

    And I’m just leaving the line about “God came all over her” alone in an effort to be classy.

    • Alice

      And when I read the link, I found this little gem. I. Can’t. Even:
      “The power of God came on my wife, and me and we both ended up on the platform, just vibrating. Vibrating under the power of God. The moment I fell on the ground, I felt a wind, like a rushing wind, come into my mouth and something went through my body like a vibration, like electricity went through my body. Something broke off of me. I felt it come off of me.”

      • LenKoz

        LMAO!!!

  • The Other Weirdo

    Why does God always work through the lunatic fringe of the lunatic fringe? Why not heal a hospital full of dying people? Why not save those who suffered in Mother Teresa’s hostels? Why not make glow in fluorescent green a cut artery that the surgeon just can’t find during open-heart surgery?

  • ScottBailey

    I grew up in charismatic Christian circles, the”one time in Africa this happened” is, if not the most classic lie, it’s near the top. One time a zombie walked into the sea; one time cancer was cured… blah, blah, blah, but it’s always in Africa, and always unverifiable. And of course, can never be repeated in North America. So apparently whenever you pray for an amputee here that prayer will never, ever grow back a limb. But a woman needs a titty in Africa? Yeah, God’s all over that!

  • Alice

    LMAO, why spend money on plastic surgery when you can give it all to the church instead? Maybe the big man does upgrades to lady bits and man bits too. I hope someone makes a parody. I am sooo tempted to email this to a friend who constantly talks about faith healing, but I don’t think she would appreciate the humor.

    • evodevo

      I have found that conservatives really have NO sense of humor, or irony either. She would probably just do the email equivalent of the deer-in-the headlights look.

      • JohnMWhite

        I’ve noticed that too. Conservatives often seem to not be self-reflective enough to really notice irony, but their lack of a sense of humour puzzles me. I laugh at jokes about liberals wanting everything to be organic and atheists wanting to teach toddlers to question the veracity of Santa Claus’ existence. Conservatives don’t seem remotely able to laugh at one of their positions being lampooned. This kind of mentality leads to silliness like complaints about a comedian calling a mentally challenged child ‘retarded’ from people who are happy to execute mentally handicapped minors for crimes they don’t even understand.

  • Red_Ruffensor

    If she’s a notable woman of government she can’t be too hard to find, right?

  • trj

    Finally! A clear example of God healing amputees!

    And it sounds so credible. Especially the part where all the witch doctors showed up to meet Todd the next day because they were so impressed by his healing powers. Totally believable.

  • stop2wonder

    Video please? Oh wait, to ask for empirical evidence shows a lack of faith. I guess we should just all take his word for it; he’s a preacher after all and wouldn’t make any of this stuff up.

  • LesterBallard

    “God came all over her”; first Mary, now this poor woman.

  • RickRayFSM

    Geez, the gov’t officials in Africa have been watching too much American Evangelist TV. If not, they learned how to lie just like the American politicians do. So proud!

  • Brudder

    God came all over her … and it was good.

  • Tanner

    I didn’t know that the Lord could only do some miracles and not others… I don’t care what you think of Todd Bentley but don’t reason out the power of God because of this man. I’ve seen the Lord do far more extravagant miracles than these, God can do whatever He wants, He’s not limited to the likeness of a man. If the Lord can speak through a Donkey and release wind and tongues of fire from the sky, than He can certainly do a work of healing Todd Bentley if need be…Stop limited the power of God to your own unbelief, God’s not afraid of doing things beyond what you think is possible, He’s bigger than you are.

  • Manfrom Modesto

    Bentley, and other NAR leaders have no confusion about who they really are. Rick Joyner is a Knight of Malta- a secret society sworn to infiltrate and overthrow non-catholic churches and governments until they submit to Rome.

    Bentley’s tattoos all have occultic meanings. He received them after he started as a pastor. AFTER.

    Here, I show Todd Bentley’s tattoos are about Satan and mysticism: http://manfrommodesto.hubpages.com/hub/Todd-Bentleys-Tattoos

    • Nox

      For anyone wondering how crazy a christian has to be before you no longer get other christians complaining that he isn’t crazy enough, the answer is apparently ‘somewhere past Todd Bentley’.

  • Josh Pitka

    Love Todd! Yeah he’s done some stuff wrong – who hasn’t. But he keeps on going strong! Are you still going strong?


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X