As Terry Firma reported a couple weeks ago, nut-case exorcist Bob Larson is now selling his services through Skype:
Bob Larson, a televangelist and the pastor of the Spiritual Freedom Church in Scottsdale, Arizona, wants to rid you of evil spirits. He’s an experienced demon-slayer who says he’s cast out 20,000 of them — but it’s a big job he’ll never finish, because as much as half of the world’s population is possessed. Who knew?
There’s good news, though: If a demon lurks inside you, and you procure Pastor Bob’s services, no need to get up from your La-Z-Boy; you can Skype the demon extractor nowadays.
According to Emily Levy at Vocative, Larson is neither the first – or the cheapest – to offer online exorcisms:
Larson isn’t the first to champion the Skype exorcism, which functions, as you might expect, with the help of hand movements, two webcams and virtual eye contact. In 2010, famous Israeli Kabaalist Rabbi HaRav David Batzri attempted to exorcise a Brazilian man possessed by a “dybbuk,” a demon, over Skype. The exorcism was not successful, and the man purportedly traveled soon afterward to meet Rabbi Batzri in the flesh.
Successful or not, the Internet-ization of exorcisms has made the ritual an unlikely sort of commodity, one that scam artists and self-identified (read: untrained) exorcists have used as a runway to fast cash. A number of websites, such as ExorcismTraining.net, offer online exorcisms to demon-ridden customers. Naturally, they charge a $50 “diagnostic fee,” as well as requiring many biographical details. Want to self-treat? They have a beginners’ training pack for $29.95 so you can teach yourself to exorcise in just four weeks.
So you too can get in on the ground floor of this exciting new growth industry! But wait, there’s some skepticism … from Reverend Isaac Kramer, director of the International Catholic Association of Exorcists:
“If a person is fully possessed, the demon inside of them will not let them sit in front of the computer screen to be exorcised. Chances are, they’re going to throw the computer screen across the room and destroy everything.”
Always good to get a professional second opinion.
I wonder how long it’s going to be before someone declare that computers can get possessed, and that most internet viruses are actually little demons living in your hard drive.