And we're off! (Rapture Day live blog)

Man!  Greta Christina is on top of things!  She’s already got her live-blogging on.  So I guess I’d better get with the updating.

On the plane yesterday the passenger beside me had a copy of USA Today.  Somehow these ‘fringe, irrelevant rapture-believers’ managed to afford a full page ad in the back of freaking USA Today.

This was likely purchased with the life savings of someone who’s about to be reeeeeally disappointed with that investment.

As the International Date Line crawls harmlessly across the Eastern nations, we here in Wichita were partying our hearts out – just in case it was our last day not spent fighting demons.  I will just post a couple pics and save the rest for the post event wrap-up.

With some of my old running crew from Springfield.

I took over the roof with a yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

I got to reunite with old friends and meet some new ones.  The SSA at the University of Central Missouri has a contingent here, and they were an absolute hoot.

We also recorded a very raucous episode of the Critical Eye podcast with guests Richard Carrier, David Fitzgerald, Sean Gillespie, Darrel Ray, Sam Singleton, Katie Hartman, Nikki Gillespie, and yours truly.  I don’t think a single one of us was sober.

Anyway, it’s time to get crackin’.  These horseshit professions of faith aren’t going to mock themselves.


The sun is rising on our last day on Earth.  I keep checking the news to get a glimpse of my impending doom and, damndest thing, nobody is getting raptured.

I’m sure it’s the same line we’ve been hearing for the last 2,000 years: aaaaaaaaaaaany second now.  :P


I googled ‘are people getting raptured’.  The first page that came up was  a Yahoo Answers page with the question…

What would happen while all the people are getting Raptured to the sky, I start praying and spraying my gun?
at them?

Will they just drop dead on the floor?

Sure, it’s a silly question, but there are some responses that really stuck out at me, particularly the ones in this vein.

No we’ll be changed into our immotal body….the people left can look foward to death and hell……

Ah, the glee, the snide superiority with which the believer threatens the non-believers.  Tell me again how religion makes people better.

Still no reports of people on the other side of the globe getting raptured.  Just keep staring at the sky guys, he’s coming.  Boy are your our faces going to be so red tomorrow.


Ok, what gives?  The Middle East is full of non-Christians and should be toast right now.  Where are the earthquakes?  Where are the demons?

If I’ve been working out like crazy over the last few months in preparation to go bitch-slap the minions of hell back into the abyss Doom-style, only to have the rapture not happen, I’m going to be so pissed.

Then again, I can’t see Lucifer as being that bad of a guy.  The dude was probably just hanging over god’s shoulder at the beginning of time saying stuff like “cancer?  Really?  Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  Then god got all butt-hurt and threw Satan’s compassionate ass down to hell.  When the demons come, we’ll probably just crack open a cold one and talk about all the shit we have in common.

Jesus, on the other hand, needs to get his pasty white Middle-Eastern ass down here so he and I can settle this.

And on a final note for this update. it’s 70 degrees and sunny in Wichita.  I mean, it’s Kansas: you’d think that at the very least god could cook up a tornado.  Not only are there no signs of apocalypse, it’s actually quite pleasant.  Perhaps god is just trying to make all of us mocking, roistering atheists die of enjoyment.


Richard Carrier tearing it up, like he does.

Hit talk “You’re All Gonna Die!  How the Jews Kept Failing to Predict Doomsday and Caused Christianity Instead” was the best talk I’ve ever seen him give.  He remains my hero.


6:44pm in West Africa and all’s well. Apparently there are no believers from New Zealand all the way to the Atlantic Ocean…either that or this whole rapture thing is bullshit.

PZ is in DC right now, so the wave of god’s destructive love will reach him shortly. I hope he can outrun the legions of the damned long enough to give the rest of us a head’s up.


According to Camping, the rapture should just be hitting the East coast.  So far today there hasn’t been so much as a sneeze of somebody getting raptured anywhere in the country of…well, Earth.  Perhaps PZ Myers will have the honor of being the first.


Why can’t you guys just leave people alone with their beliefs.  It’s their funeral, right?

Fucking wrong.  Bad ideas are the means for evil acts born of noble intentions.  Bad ideas are anathema to us.

There is no rapture.  There was never a chance of there being a rapture.  Those who believed it was going to happen are dangerous idiots.  Those who believe it’s going to happen on some other day are also idiots who, if not dangerous themselves, are contributing to a culture where shitty reasoning is admired.  I will not ignore them.  I will treat them with every ounce of the tons of disrespect they deserve.


  • Nikki Gillespie

    Hey you were all about getting us girls on the podcast and then forgot to mention us. I will forgive you if you give me a hug!

  • Larry

    The only thing missing so far is Harold Camping’s website.

  • Russell P

    I say we tie strings to them and make rapture balloons out of them.

  • Sean Gillespie

    You have a pic to post


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