I am the not-so-proud owner of a Shake Weight

I love working at the SSA.  Jesse Galef, our Communications Director, got me a cane for my birthday.  Today I received a belated gift from our Resource Coordinator, ‘Imperator’ Nick Stancato.

I feel buff already.  Sadly, the web site for the Shake Weight is very…what’s the word…fey?

Shake Weight® Utilizes New Workout Technology Called
Dynamic Inertia, which can increase Muscle Activity to nearly
300% compared to a Standard Dumbbell.*
• Scientifically Proven Results
• Get Incredible Results in Just 6 Minutes a Day
Designed Specifically For Women

Designed for women?  Balls.  David Burger is gonna have a field day with that one.  Plus, I know what both the words ‘dynamic’ and ‘inertia’ mean, and I’m pretty sure the concept doesn’t equate to ‘NEW TECHNOLOGY ZOMG!!!’

If your arms aren’t on fire after just 6 minutes, return the Shake Weight for a 100% refund of EVERY dime you paid – we’ll even pay to take it back!

Just like the buffet down the street which claims they have all-I-can-eat – this is false advertising.

I threw it on the groooooooooooooooooooooooound!!!!  Great gift, but if anybody is telling you that you can get into stellar shape in six minutes a day, they are fucking lying to you.

The American Heart Association says you should exercise 30 minutes a day, even if that’s just walking and even if you have to break it up.  That is scientifically proven.  There is a miracle way to get in better shape, but it’s not this gimmick or any other.  It’s freaking 30 minutes of exercise per day and monitoring your diet.  That’s it.

Ditch this bullshit.  Thanks for the shitty gift, Nick.  😛

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.