Time marches on

I’m thirty.  It’s a birthday with a zero in it.  I’ve come a long way from here:

But it’s not so bad, right?  I mean, not time for my mandatory colonoscopy quite yet.  I’ll just wake up and check my facebook like a young person…

Ok, that’s just a coincidence.  No big deal.

I get to work and am wished happy birthday by my co-workers.  I grumble and snarl, sit at my desk and think to myself “Matlock is a really underrated show…”


I set to work at my job: helping the next generation of atheists, who I’m noticing are so much younger than me.  Hell, when I went to college we didn’t have tripods…er, ipods…whatever they call those gadgets…


I put on some Nsync (and secretly wish they’d get together again for a reunion tour – they used to be so good!) which gets my mind away from the developing bags under my eyes, when SSA Communications Director Jesse Galef waltzes into my office with a birthday gift.

I proceeded to crack my hip receiving it.  Should probably start taking calcium pills.  The cane itself is a ‘designer cane’, it says so on the label.  I asked Jesse if it got radio.  Turns out it only gets AM and Christian talk-radio.  I tried to hit Jesse with the cane but he was too spry and got away back to his office.  Gosh darnit!

It’s ok.  This will just be an adjustment I have to make.  Thirty is the new twenty.  After all, in Martian years I’m only sixteen!

*sigh*  I’m reaching, aren’t I?  Maybe I should stop fighting it, find a firebrandy, godless scientist who thinks I’m keen, raise up the world’s first atheist queen/empress with her, and settle down in Russia or New Zealand or Italy.  Y’know, I could be ok with that.  It’s as my mother often says: youth is exciting, but old is comfortable.  I have noticed as my life goes on that every year brings greater comfort.

Thirty…ok.  I can be thirty.  Just point me to my recliner, hand me my pudding, and get off of my lawn – that’s time you could be spending fighting religion (or playing)!  I will hit you with my newly acquired cane if you don’t!  You pups spend too much time playing kissy face and not nearly enough time kicking the shit out of faith!  You know, back when I was a kid, there were no high school atheist groups.  Hell, there weren’t any college atheist groups!  You kids have it so good!

I wonder what our grandkids will say.  Can’t find out without time marching on apace, I suppose.  Perhaps I can pass the time shaping their world (and my world) for the better.  That’ll give me something to reminisce about when the time comes when I really need this cane.  I think I’ll keep it by my desk as a reminder.

Thanks, Jesse.

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.