Time marches on

I’m thirty.  It’s a birthday with a zero in it.  I’ve come a long way from here:

But it’s not so bad, right?  I mean, not time for my mandatory colonoscopy quite yet.  I’ll just wake up and check my facebook like a young person…

Ok, that’s just a coincidence.  No big deal.

I get to work and am wished happy birthday by my co-workers.  I grumble and snarl, sit at my desk and think to myself “Matlock is a really underrated show…”


I set to work at my job: helping the next generation of atheists, who I’m noticing are so much younger than me.  Hell, when I went to college we didn’t have tripods…er, ipods…whatever they call those gadgets…


I put on some Nsync (and secretly wish they’d get together again for a reunion tour – they used to be so good!) which gets my mind away from the developing bags under my eyes, when SSA Communications Director Jesse Galef waltzes into my office with a birthday gift.

I proceeded to crack my hip receiving it.  Should probably start taking calcium pills.  The cane itself is a ‘designer cane’, it says so on the label.  I asked Jesse if it got radio.  Turns out it only gets AM and Christian talk-radio.  I tried to hit Jesse with the cane but he was too spry and got away back to his office.  Gosh darnit!

It’s ok.  This will just be an adjustment I have to make.  Thirty is the new twenty.  After all, in Martian years I’m only sixteen!

*sigh*  I’m reaching, aren’t I?  Maybe I should stop fighting it, find a firebrandy, godless scientist who thinks I’m keen, raise up the world’s first atheist queen/empress with her, and settle down in Russia or New Zealand or Italy.  Y’know, I could be ok with that.  It’s as my mother often says: youth is exciting, but old is comfortable.  I have noticed as my life goes on that every year brings greater comfort.

Thirty…ok.  I can be thirty.  Just point me to my recliner, hand me my pudding, and get off of my lawn – that’s time you could be spending fighting religion (or playing)!  I will hit you with my newly acquired cane if you don’t!  You pups spend too much time playing kissy face and not nearly enough time kicking the shit out of faith!  You know, back when I was a kid, there were no high school atheist groups.  Hell, there weren’t any college atheist groups!  You kids have it so good!

I wonder what our grandkids will say.  Can’t find out without time marching on apace, I suppose.  Perhaps I can pass the time shaping their world (and my world) for the better.  That’ll give me something to reminisce about when the time comes when I really need this cane.  I think I’ll keep it by my desk as a reminder.

Thanks, Jesse.

"Funny enough, I just stumbled on this article for the same reason: I was fact ..."

Church bans children from Sunday services ..."
"Mental disorders do cause people to do disgusting things. I personally know EX-homosexuals who now ..."

Bryan Fischer: everybody is instinctively repulsed ..."
"And you are a good Christian man? GFY"

Are you a Christian man? Don’t ..."
"This is a joke, right? I mean really, THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE!! What ..."

Are you a Christian man? Don’t ..."

Browse Our Archives

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment