Time marches on

I’m thirty.  It’s a birthday with a zero in it.  I’ve come a long way from here:

But it’s not so bad, right?  I mean, not time for my mandatory colonoscopy quite yet.  I’ll just wake up and check my facebook like a young person…

Ok, that’s just a coincidence.  No big deal.

I get to work and am wished happy birthday by my co-workers.  I grumble and snarl, sit at my desk and think to myself “Matlock is a really underrated show…”


I set to work at my job: helping the next generation of atheists, who I’m noticing are so much younger than me.  Hell, when I went to college we didn’t have tripods…er, ipods…whatever they call those gadgets…


I put on some Nsync (and secretly wish they’d get together again for a reunion tour – they used to be so good!) which gets my mind away from the developing bags under my eyes, when SSA Communications Director Jesse Galef waltzes into my office with a birthday gift.

I proceeded to crack my hip receiving it.  Should probably start taking calcium pills.  The cane itself is a ‘designer cane’, it says so on the label.  I asked Jesse if it got radio.  Turns out it only gets AM and Christian talk-radio.  I tried to hit Jesse with the cane but he was too spry and got away back to his office.  Gosh darnit!

It’s ok.  This will just be an adjustment I have to make.  Thirty is the new twenty.  After all, in Martian years I’m only sixteen!

*sigh*  I’m reaching, aren’t I?  Maybe I should stop fighting it, find a firebrandy, godless scientist who thinks I’m keen, raise up the world’s first atheist queen/empress with her, and settle down in Russia or New Zealand or Italy.  Y’know, I could be ok with that.  It’s as my mother often says: youth is exciting, but old is comfortable.  I have noticed as my life goes on that every year brings greater comfort.

Thirty…ok.  I can be thirty.  Just point me to my recliner, hand me my pudding, and get off of my lawn – that’s time you could be spending fighting religion (or playing)!  I will hit you with my newly acquired cane if you don’t!  You pups spend too much time playing kissy face and not nearly enough time kicking the shit out of faith!  You know, back when I was a kid, there were no high school atheist groups.  Hell, there weren’t any college atheist groups!  You kids have it so good!

I wonder what our grandkids will say.  Can’t find out without time marching on apace, I suppose.  Perhaps I can pass the time shaping their world (and my world) for the better.  That’ll give me something to reminisce about when the time comes when I really need this cane.  I think I’ll keep it by my desk as a reminder.

Thanks, Jesse.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • http://mid-west-atheist.blogspot.com/ Volizden

    ROFLMAO… Wait till you hit 40 THEN tell us about it…. the whole medical thing changes and your eyesight goes to crap (on average).

  • http://mid-west-atheist.blogspot.com/ Volizden

    I hit ENTER!!!! Dang it….

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Bud, Hope you have a great one, have a drink on me :-)

  • Tara

    Matlock truly is an underrated show…I use to watch it with my Grandmother all the time when I was a wee little one ;)

    If it makes you feel any better, while I may have only turned 25 last week, just a couple days ago I uttered these very words: *sigh* Kids these days…

    Cheers to growing older and wiser!

  • Carol Eberhard

    This isn’t funny (I’m turning 60 in October).

    O.K., I lied. Yes, it is…:)

    Seriously, Happy Birthday and I love YOU! Also, that is one of my favorite baby pics of you.

    And yes, I am damned ass comfortable.

  • Charlie Kilian

    I always said that when I turned 32, I would celebrate my age in hexadecimal (because base-16 is important to us computer programmers). My 32nd birthday would make me 0×20 years old in hex. (Hey, it only comes every 16 years!) As the big day approached last year, I realized the big deal would be *this* year, when I turn 33 — 0×21 in hex!

    I would so throw a huge party. If I wasn’t afraid of the hangover.

    “If I wasn’t afraid of the hangover”: That, my friends, is the difference between being 21 in decimal and being 0×21 in hexadecimal.

  • Ryan

    Hey, I just turned 30 last year. There were lots of jokes about Centrum Silver and Metamucil, but no cane. I’m jealous. :)

    I agree, though, it’s hard to think of myself as getting old, and not being the young generation anymore. I work with kids who were born when I was hitting puberty, for crying out loud.

  • http://www.daylightatheism.org/ Adam Lee

    Hah, and here I was thinking you were a young’un, JT! Turns out you’re older than me (but just by a few months). Happy birthday, and I’m going to be 30 soon enough myself, so let us know what it’s like. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sid.fisher Sid

    Very nice post. I love how it is all jokey and light hearted, then takes a little deeper turn at the end. Well done.

    Just one thing wrong with it- you can’t swing a dead cat within our movement without hitting a firebrandy scientist, and you just went and got every single one of their hopes up. You can’t move to Russia and raise the next world tyrant with all of them. I guarentee that you are going to break at least twenty hearts with this post :P