Best Of #ChurchTweet

To recap: Dave Silverman, PZ Myers, and I have decided that the #ChurchTweet trend now belongs to us (#plunder). We are encouraging atheists in church, synagogue, or mosque to tweet their amusements/frustrations and then on Monday I will compile the Best of #ChurchTweet.

There were some real gems Sunday.

First, let’s see what religious people were saying.

lola_diva – Those who trust in the Lord will never be disappointed!! #churchtweet

The existence of starving children who die trusting that god will provide food, or Christian parents praying over their Christian child who will shortly die after being in a car wreck, or a whole host of similar situations make it virtually impossible to contrive a more unrealistic assessment about the world. Seriously, has this woman ever glanced beyond the block in which she lives?

nanakwesi_izzy – don’t fight God He knows what is best for you….#churchtweet

If god made the world, he made cancer, AIDS, earthquakes, animals with fangs that think we’re tasty, hurricanes, Dr. Phil, etc. These are all natural weapons for the elimination of human life created by the god who supposedly knows what is best for us. We conquer these things not through recourse to prayer, but through human reason. We are fighting back against god’s creations. We are fighting god.

Unless you think a kidney stone is what’s best for you, you’re already fighting him. All we’re asking is that you fight harder.

Then Tiffkelz made a post admonishing tweeters to praise god. I responded…

jteberhard – The same one who made cancer or commanded us to kill people working on the sabbath? Um…no. RT @Tiffkelz: Praise God #ChurchTweet

She tweeted back…

Tiffkelz – lol. Yes. Him.

Tiffkelz just created a situation where, even at my most charitable, I must think she’s an abject idiot. Her faith has made her this way. At worst (and honestly, most realistically) I should think she was a sociopath. Her faith has made her this way.

OVO_dsmall – #ChurchTweet What God Has For You, Is For You!

Wow…that’s deep, man. Really deep. This kind of thing seems to be what passes for wisdom in religious circles…

JamiesRabbits – Wear this life like a loose garment. #churchtweet

Who says religion doesn’t teach us to devalue the life we have?

dallasxoxo – Yu win more fights on your knees than with your hands….#churchtweet!

The fruit of sexual innuendo hangs too low for me to think it isn’t a trap. It turns out that being on your knees is a good sign that you’ve just lost a fight (probably to the person punching you). This embodies how religious people argue – even when they are in a position indicating they’ve been utterly creamed, they’ll still call it a victory.

sohappi – A lot of folks will get upset with you, because they know the LORD is with you!!! #ChurchTweet

Or maybe it’s because we’re all sharing this planet and have to work together to sort shit out down here and we’re upset with you because you and your religion are holding us up. Nah, it’s got to be because we’re so empty and forlorn and jealous.

jennyerikson – If I weren’t already a Christian, Lamentations 2 might scare me to faith. #ChurchTweet

I’ll give you three guesses what that passage looks like, and the first two don’t count.

The LORD hath swallowed up all the habitations of Jacob, and hath not pitied: he hath thrown down in his wrath the strong holds of the daughter of Judah

1. If you weren’t already a Christian, you wouldn’t believe any of that shit happened, so it wouldn’t scare you into anything.

2. If you weren’t already a Christian, you would never even think of loving something so transparently evil. Your faith has moved you to admire actions that would appear excessive to the most diligent psychopath. Your faith has so twisted your concept of compassion that you love their perpetrator. And you do not only love the mass-murderer, you love him more than probably any of your neighbors. If you weren’t already a Christian, you would have a less insane rubric for right and wrong, and you would be a better person.

Moreover, a truly loving father punishes only teach, and explains personally where his children made mistakes. The god of the bible is not a loving father, for he punishes to destroy and never calmly explains anything.

And as for the scripture itself, to quote my friend Ben Schuldt from War on Error

I especially like the part about women being driven to eat their own babies. That’s pro-life with steak sauce.

Well, I’ve had enough of that to motivate me to fight religion the rest of the week. What were some of the best hits from the good guys on Sunday?

holldoll933 – Feels great to not have to worry about church this AM. I never liked going, now I just don’t feel guilty about it #churchtweet

Religion does not win by having the best arguments. They win through shame, guilt, fear, and other social controls. Take those away from any bully and they become powerless.

the_author_ – Instead of having to send a #churchtweet, I cooked a delicious omelet and am working on a feminist video remix. #fuckyeahproductivity

Fuck yeah, indeed.

ringohavabanana – Spending a lovely Sunday morning in my “holy place”. #churchtweet #masturbating

Couldn’t tell if this was from an atheist or a church-goer, since it could apply to both.

edpennington – This morning I brewed some good coffee, watched Man U get dismantled, ran 3 miles around the lake and didn’t go to church. #churchtweet

Love the posts about atheists enjoying the little things in life rather than going to a church to have reality devalued.

pzmyers – Skipping church, going for a walk to sneer at the ‘sacred’ buildings dotting the town. #ChurchTweet

Sneering? All he does is sneer? And he calls himself a firebrand…

jlloyd714 – Just woke up at 11:30! So glad this isn’t a #churchtweet

jlloyd714 – Not a #churchtweet – About to go waterfall hunting. #hiking

I think I’m in love with this person.

KrisVal – Begin zombie chant. Stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up, shake hands, give money, eat a cracker. #churchtweet


AgingGothMom – My Sunday: Morning kisses, yummy breakfast, afternoon at the beach chasing the boys with hubby. No need for #churchtweet #atheist

Finding value in life through enjoying your children’s presence? Who’d have thunk it?

_mandieee – My Sunday: hung over in bed, reading chemistry…had an excellent night! #atheist #ChurchTweet

Woman lying in bed, skipping church, and learning about science. That is what I call sexy. 🙂

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