Best of #ChurchTweet

Welcome back to another installment of the Best of #ChurchTweet!

First, this week’s winner in the What Passes For Wisdom In Christianity category is…

robynreneeriley – The Pastor just said in his sermon there are things we should stop doing & things we should start doing. #churchtweet

Now that’s profound. Your reward is a 55 gallon drum of facepalm and a full scholarship to obvious college. The rest are below the fold.


Now, tweets from the religious.

HmmKiki – U cant really play Christian. This stuff is serious and continuous. #churchtweet #justathought #wop2011

Yes, believing someone walked on water. Very serious. Solemn face – activate! At least if this is true, it takes away the “But they weren’t true Christians!” whine.

pretty_peachyy – I just want to leave

Lots of religious people feel that way. You’d think god could have found a way to make church universally enjoyable rather than a chore. Easy solution: stop going.

YourBestMan – When you find God I guess you go bald in this church #churchtweet

I’m guess he’s religious do to his other tweets. Not sure though. I would check the amount of hair on his head to see if he’d found god, but twitter lacks pictures. Either way, I lol’d.

Sir_frwilliam – @jteberhard @LegendaryAsshol atheism is the same as satanism, your trying to demise the christian church, or any religion for that fact

Not believing in any gods is the same as believing and worshiping Satan. Kind of like disbelieving in ninja turtles means you worship the Technodrome.


Now for fun threads!

I saw…

JustDevontae – Keep God First and You’ll Never Be Last. #ChurchTweet”

So I responded…

jteberhard – This is why there are no poor Christians RT @JustDevontae: Keep God First and You’ll Never Be Last. #ChurchTweet”

…and he re-tweeted mine as though I was agreeing with him. I guess I should’ve included a #sarcasm tag.

The best thread came following this tweet:

Lo_DaKidd – God may not come when u want him.. But he`s always on time #churchtweet

Immediately, PZ Myers said the obvious.

pzmyers – Obviously false, since he never shows up at all. RT @Lo_DaKidd God may not come when u want him.. But he`s always on time #churchtweet

And others piled on.

KrisVal – I think he sleeps in during natural disasters though @Lo_DaKidd:God may not come when u want him.. But he`s always on time #churchtweet

JM3virginia – “@Lo_DaKidd: God may not come when u want him.. But he`s always on time #churchtweet”–tell that to rape victims

There are always the egocentric ones that talk about how good god is and what blessings he’s brought to a particular tweeter. It’s amazing how offended they get when people use that same reasoning to show how god must really hate a lot of other people on this planet.

jteberhard – Starving kids not praying hard enough? RT @ToddBower: If we do our part, we can count on God to do His part EVERY time! #churchtweet


Now for the tweets of the godless!

MatthiasDowdell – Modern warfare 2 and coffee. So much better than going to #churchtweet

So is a root canal, but MW2 is actually pretty good, I’ve heard.

ienaheadeytan1 – So now I have to give YOU money for putting me to sleep with that boring and useless sermon?! #churchtweet

pzmyers – #churchtweet I got the pulpit at #CSIcon2011, declared that the bible sucks.

keightytwo – Slept till noon. Glad I’m not ruining Sundays with church. Might do other stuff the bible is against today. #churchtweet

JoshJDee – Religion is terrible, but Geico commericals give it a run for its money #ChurchTweet

ElephantOPurple – My Sunday morning: sleep late, drink coffee, giggle at #churchtweet, read Dawkins.

blakeingle – Weighing my options: Sunday night church or #JohnnieWalker with #NFL & #BoardwalkEmpire. J/k I never considered going to church #churchtweet

goldarntlak – Could be worse. I could still be mormon. #ChurchTweet

JoshJDee – Very clearly, God has blessed America! #obesity #BadEconomy #poverty #hunger #RickPerry #homophobia #churchtweet

KrisVal – Can I handle it myself & ask god 2 stay out of it?@JasonLGilmore:Chaotic situations are a chance to see what God is going to do #ChurchTweet

I love that argument: misfortune is god making you stronger or showing how he’s going to help. What would you say of someone who walked up to you and shot you in the leg. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to become stronger? Surely god could find a way to demonstrate his will or help us grow without pain. The only explanation for pain’s existence is that he enjoys seeing us suffer.

jlloyd714 – Not a #churchtweet: Sitting on the porch, reading a Palahniuk novel. Beautiful day.

CannedSexy – This isn’t a #ChurchTweet, because I’m far too intelligent, rational, and caring to go to a church and bow to myths.

Tr2v – Happy Sunday! I don’t have a #churchtweet because I have a brain & I enjoy sleeping in. Just FYI. #Atheism #ReasonRally #HighIQ

Keightytwo – Sunday. Day of worship and rest. Definitely been resting. Now to worship my xbox #churchtweet

Amen.

the_author_ – Instead of sending a #churchtweet, I went out for coffee with an old friend. #priorities

Glorious. I love the ones that talk about going out and experiencing the world rather than sitting in a pew listening to somebody tell us how pointless it is without believing their bunk.


Now for tweets that need a longer response.

Nakeita1946 – We will be judged on the choices we make… #churchTweet

Yes, we will. The sad part is that Christianity reduces the choices for which we’ll be judged to a single, lame choice – whether or not we choose to accept some dude rose from the dead 2,000 years ago (which, I argue, is not even a choice most of us could make if we wanted to). For the Christian, once that choice is made, all other choices are irrelevant. It’s why you could choose to go on a killing spree and still get into heaven, so long as you were washed in the blood of lamb (which, to a serial killer, could be an appealing thought).

We should be judged on our compassion, whether or not we fought for equality for normal people, whether or not we valued our intellect and critical thinking, whether or not our charity dollars went to helping people suffering and not just to maintaining inequality for people not in our in-group. We should even be judged for being gullible, and believing stories from holy books without evidence – and we should be judged negatively for it. It is not good to be gullible. It makes a mockery of your potential.

That’s yet another bad thing about Christianity – it says we’re ultimately not judged for our actions because they’re all forgiven, and the one thing it says we’re judged on it gets the obviously proper choice completely wrong.

chantelibelli – If you judge people, you have no time to love them #churchtweet

This is clearly untrue, because not all judgments are negative. I judge helping the poor to be a good thing, and I love people who do it. Likewise I judge suicide bombing to be a bad thing, and I very my do not love people who do that. People should be loved because we’ve judged them and they’ve passed the test, not because all individuals are worthy of love.

I also judge because I love humanity. I love the world. Bad ideas widely held are a detriment to humanity and to the world. Taking the time out of my life to research and refine my own beliefs, to root out irrational beliefs elsewhere, challenging those beliefs, and trying to fix them is, in my eyes, the greatest way one can express love for the world. And it cannot be done without reasoned, measured judgment.

  • Dana Hunter

    Awww, I was hoping Mr. “It says in god we trust on munny therefore GOD” was going to make the cut!

  • Pierce R. Butler

    We tend not to think of tweets and Calvin Coolidge together, but he did justly earn a reputation as America’s most laconic president (and probably would have found the 140-character limit quite roomy).

    One story in particular comes to mind: Mrs. Coolidge having been ill, Calvin went to church alone. When he returned, his wife, a pious sort, asked, “So, what was the sermon about?”

    “Sin.”

    “Well, what did the pastor have to say about it?”

    “He was against it.”

  • Gordon

    I did church tweet, but, because my work insists my tweets be private, very few people will have see my tweets.

    But then I do get to keep my job! Yay…

  • Elipson

    Not believing in any gods is the same as believing and worshiping Satan. Kind of like disbelieving in ninja turtles means you worship the Technodrome.

    Hey now… let’s not diss on The Technodrome. That thing was six kinds of awesome!


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X