It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Tomorrow it all comes to and end.  I wanted to learn how to play the piano, but alas, it isn’t to be.

Instead, I’ll just be sowing around in my PJs awaiting the torment god created for failing to do what the brain he gave me is incapable of doing: believing the absurd.  I can no more make myself believe somebody rose from the dead than I can make myself believe gravity doesn’t work.

I’ll spend most of my last day at my job promoting a secular world (god’s gonna be miffed about that one).  I have plans to go to a dance concert tomorrow night, but I’ll instead be dancing a jig in hell (with all of you fine people).

I actually can’t see this as being a terrible thing.  My vision of Satan being cast out of heaven usually involves him being in the workshop while god is creating everything, looking over the LORD’s shoulder and saying “Cancer?  Really?  I mean, it’s your sandbox and everything, but do we really need to make cancer?”  And god gets all butt-hurt and sends him down to hell.  Frankly, that’s where I want to be.  I want to chill for eternity with the guy who thought cancer was a bad idea.

Anyway, I’ll be tweeting my demise tomorrow with the hashtag #RaptureDay.

How do you plan to spend your last day on earth?  If, by some long shot, the world doesn’t end tomorrow, how will you celebrate this weekend?

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • cag

    If I had a tent, I’d go camping.

    • guest

      hahaha, nice word play.

  • marcus

    Sucks to be you! I plan to repent and beg forgiveness as soon as I see cars and airplanes crashing due to being “unmanned” by the Rapture.

  • mikeym

    Drinking my second bottle of la Fin du Monde ale this year!

  • Michaelyn

    It’s my birthday AND the end of the world! Not going to remember tomorrow night…

    Is it weird that I thought “If the world ends, I’ll get to see JT tomorrow!” ? I guess that shows how much I give a shit about the rapture.

  • guest

    the world won’t end. I haven’t defended my dissertation yet >:)
    (I will go to work tomorrow and to a knit-and-bitch get together tomorrow on Saturday)

  • Alex

    So far the end of the world is a fairly normal work day. Still, 12 ours and 20min left for something interesting to happen. Maybe god it waiting till we finish work (bastard).

    Off topic; that church sign is great, i love the unintentional innuendo. it just needs something about jesus “coming” into your life to complete it.

  • Ani Sharmin

    Coincidentally, I’m reading a book about cancer (Siddhartha Mukherjee’s The Emperor of All Maladies. If God created cancer I’m furious at him.

    Next week, I have two exams, one quiz, and three assignments due. On the off chance that the world actually does end tomorrow, I’ll be very glad for the chance to meet you in person, JT. Otherwise, I’ll be studying for exams.

  • Ian

    I’m going to a post-rapture party in Point Roberts, WA at 6:01 PM.

  • Makoto

    As an atheist, today I did my normal – live a good life. Same as I did yesterday, same as I’ll do tomorrow. I donated part of my small wage to some causes I believe in today, helped with causes I believe in, and put in a good day’s work at my job. Tomorrow I’ll do so in honor / memory of Mr. Camping, depending on if his rapture really happens. According to him I wouldn’t qualify for the rapture, but meh. I don’t think I’d want to be there with him anyway.

  • GaryU

    Son of a bitch… the world ends tomorrow? Had I known that I would have goofed off all day today.

    Oh, wait. I did.

  • RowanVT

    I’m going to make rapture brownies in celebration of the world failing to end once more.

    Though it does appear that Berkeley is practicing for the end times, what with the spate of earthquakes I’m feeling even down here in San Jose.

  • Frances Macomber

    Despite the fact that I would rather belittle you, I must spend today reflecting upon the demise of my nephew. He died one year ago today from primary hepatocellular carcinoma, which is unusual in a 15 yr. old to say the least. (Look it up.)

  • Bruce Gorton

    Not playing Call of Duty.

    Effing campers.

  • Richard

    Thinking of taking a nice nap. I’m thinking, pile of pillows. Sunlight, the fan on, favorite blanket.

  • Aliasalpha

    I live in Wagga Wagga, I strongly suspect that the end of the world would be an improvement

  • Compuholic

    Here is a shocker: Here in Australia Friday the 21st is just coming to an end and – surprise – Australia is still there.

    But then maybe god lives in a different timezone…

    I really want to know with what kind of bullshit Camping will come up this time…

    • Aliasalpha

      Well surely god would have told camping the time in his local timezone so there was no need to load the worldclock. God’s the considerate sort when it comes to planning extermination on a scale that would make even the Daleks say “Hey now, thats a bit excessive isn’t it?”

      As for the excuses, they’ll be the same as the other ones, “I’m only an imperfect human, my math was wrong”. Or failing that, he’ll conveniently find the passage that says no man shall know the date and try to claim victory by saying god is smarter than him.

      Either way he’ll be slightly more of a joke than before, with any luck he’ll lose even more donors & his radio station will tank once and for all.

  • Melanie

    Still 2 more hours to go, but no end in sight!

    I took a mental health day out of Vegas to go up to Zion NP. I tackled the observation point hike (8 miles, 2148ft elevation gain) and kicked its ass. The view was absolutely amazing. I didn’t want to leave.

    My monster is quieted for now. :)