Christian Nation Hypothesis: The Founding Fathers Must've Been Idiots

Sometimes I’m jealous of my dad. He lives in rural Arkansas where you can’t take two steps without finding overwhelming evidence that religion makes people dumb which, for me, means blog material. Not that that kind of material is hard to find elsewhere (frankly, it’s hard to ignore if I tried).

On the other hand I’m often glad I don’t live in rural Arkansas, because you can’t take two steps without someone dancing into your field of vision and begging you to look at how dumb religion made them. That would get depressing.

Anyway, he often writes rebuttals to the letters to the editor of the local paper (see people parading religiously motivated dumb around), and he sent me the one he just penned. I thought I’d share.

HIRAM B. COOPER JR. Bella Vista repeats the standard lies of the theocrats.

“In reality, this separation does not exist in our Constitution.”

According to decades of Supreme Court justices, it does. Not only are they the ones empowered by the Constitution to make that call, anyone who believes that Hiram has a better handle on the Constitution than the Supreme Court is just plain deluding himself.

“The prevailing maliciousness within our government has forgotten the predominantly Judeo-Christian beliefs of our Founding Fathers.”

That a good many of them may have held Judeo-Christian beliefs is totally irrelevant to what they actually put into the founding document of our country known as the Constitution. Anyone who thinks our founding fathers weren’t bright enough to write Jesus or Yahweh into the Constitution if they had intended special privilege for Judeo-Christians is, again, deluding himself.

“Our Founding Fathers created a Christian nation.”

This is a bald-faced lie. It is disgusting when people like Hiram who claim the moral high ground choose to lie. If your cause is just, you shouldn’t have to lie to promote it.

“Has government, in excluding God and Christianity from our public domain….”

I have no idea what this means. Public Domain is a noun meaning

“1. the status of a literary work or an invention whose copyright or patent has expired or that never had such protection.

2. land owned by the government.”

Government hasn’t excluded “God and Christianity from our public domain”. The CONSTITUTION separated them from the government. Let’s at least try to be somewhat accurate.

Whether it’s evolution, physics, or constitutional law, is there any other influence upon humanity that so frequently motivates them to open their mouths about subjects they know absolutely nothing about while somehow expecting others to take them even remotely seriously?

As Darwin said, nothing breeds confidence like ignorance, and Christianity is spectacular at keeping ignorance alive in crevices where knowledge could reside.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Gordon

    If you want to see an embarrasment of a constitution that knows how to spell Jesus look up the preamble to the Irish constitution. But have a sick bucket handy.

    Why couldn’t it start with something simple, moving, and secular? Something like “We, the people”

  • Gayle Jordan

    I think I love Eberhard the Elder as much as I love Eberhard the Younger.

    **see you this weekend!**


  • SteveC

    Seems awfully weird that the founders of a supposedly Christian nation would fail to mention god or jesus anywhere in the constitution.

    scameron@zuul:~$ egrep -i ‘god|jesus’ usconstitution.txt

  • CoderHead

    I’m jealous. My dad would have been writing the article your dad is rebutting.

  • Jay

    I was opining on the subject of stupidity about politics yesterday (specifically the claim that Obama is the worst president we’ve ever had) and my friend brought up a good point: One of the major problems that results in people opening their mouths to spout stupid shit is that history education is now so poor as to be functionally nonexistent. People have no sense of perspective, no sense of the disasters and successes that happened before, to say nothing of the reasons driving those disasters and successes. There is no ability to think critically and question the crap that your parents have brainwashed you about – whether it’s politics, love, or religion – and so the roots of unthinking loyalty are enforced.

    • Jeff Van Booven

      Well, if you go by what the Post Modernists say, we have shifted to a very synchronic view of things. Jameson has a rather good bit on what this means for history in “Postmodernism,” but it’s a bit lengthy and hard to distill.

  • Jeff Van Booven

    It’s kind of sad that as their essentialist notion of what it means to be an American transforms they double down on the crazy part that was never true and easily falsifiable. I get wanting to claim that being American means being religious, but you really don’t need to trace that through two hundred years of history. But oh the lengths they’ll go to define group identity. Though, I suppose by their logic, Europe was founded to be a pagan continent.

    I think the part I find most ironic is their love of free markets while at the same time abhorring modern culture, which is being driven by the free market.

  • Egaeus

    SteveC, the Constitution was written on paper. You can’t grep a dead tree. Therefore, your argument is invalid. ;)

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … a good many of them may have held Judeo-Christian beliefs …

    The ones with time machines, perhaps.

    Last I heard, nobody has found an example of the phrase “Judeo-Christian” dating before 1899, exactly a century after George Washington’s death.

    And at that point, it referred to the brief historical period when Christianism was a subsect within Judaism.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Egaeus @ # 7: You can’t grep a dead tree.

    Not where children might see you, anyhow.

    Besides, wasn’t the Constitution written on dead cannabis stalks?

  • Aron McCart

    Your dad is fucking awesome.

  • Thomas Lawson

    Hiram needs to use Occam’s Razor here. The simple fact that the colonies declared independence from divine rule is all you need to realize that maybe they had gone off-script(ure) and started to ad-lib.


    The Declaration of Independence has “Creator” in it, but it is a long list of complaints about Jehovah’s supposed divine ruler, King George III, and every complaint begins with a Capital-H in “He.” Thomas Jefferson issued a statement later, saying, “I wanted to make the H’s as small as Georgie’s dink, but Adams thought uppercase was a better dig.” After the signing, John Adams was heard exclaiming, “Oh, snappeth!”


    If those documents were meant to found a Christian Nation, then the Founders have punk’d all of us.

  • Mark

    Hard to sell it as “free thought” when you are just parroting your parents’ beliefs. I wonder what this blog would look like if your dad was a Mormon.

  • Victoria Maxine

    Oh goodness. Arkansas is awful. I grew up in Searcy, the epicenter of Church of Christ activity. We have 7 or 8 C.o.C churches and the almighty Harding University. It was TERRIBLE growing up there. Harding owned all the liquor licenses, so that was out of the question, some movies Harding blocked from coming to our theaters, so I had to wait to see Sweeney Todd when it came out on DVD, and I was actually raised in the church that was across the street from HU. The people were so hypocritical. They were very wealthy and had no problem showing off, they preached give to the poor and love everyone. Do you think that actually happened? No. Never. They looked down on anyone who was poor,the people who wore what they could to church whether it be jeans or an old and outdated dress. That town changed me forever. I became an atheist my junior year of HS. When I graduated I hightailed it out of there and never looked back (well, except my family still lives there unfortunately). Now I go to college in Conway, an hour west of Searcy. It’s still a mostly christian town, but it’s not as restricted as Searcy. Thank, FSM.