This Week's Whipping Boy

A follower on twitter by the handle of JM3virginia pointed me to the twitter feed of Terry Crews the other day.  It was probably because the football-player-turned-actor was throwing out all manner of bad apologetics.  It was like a siren calling to me.

So I tweeted at him asking for his best argument for the existence of god.  The response came back…

@jteberhard that fact that our bodies are miraculously designed. I know mine is. (couldn’t resist)

This would not be just any random argument – this would be his best argument.

For starters, men have nipples.  This makes perfect sense on evolution, but could only be the product of a designer who was an idiot who enjoyed extra work.

Then, as another tweeter (serialmatrix) pointed out, we breath, eat, and talk out of the same hole.  Great design if the aim was to choke us.  Idiotic design otherwise.

Then there’s the appendix, which serves no function aside creating a superfluous amount of white blood cells, but is a ticking time bomb in a lot of people.  Makes sense as a remaining appendage from a bygone time, but absolutely zero sense as the product of design.  Also, wisdom teeth.  WTF?  Whose brilliant idea were those?

There are countless flaws to the human body that look just like the product of random chance combined with selection over a long period of time.  If these features were actually designed, they would require a designer to be a moron with way too much time on its hands, which is not something anybody should call a god.  But I’m going to wrap up with DNA replication.  It’s clumsy as all hell.  Errors in DNA replication produce all kinds of in-born conditions  as well as cancer.

If a designer designed mental retardation and cancer into the human condition (and who calls that shit ‘miraculous’?), I’d like to find that god so I can punch it square in the jaw.  My wrist would probably break because bones are fairly brittle.  I would’ve designed bones made of steel.  I have officially come up with a better design than god.  I rule.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • raymoscow

    Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes:

    (compiled by a friend)

  • John Eberhard

    I remember as a youth when I was being particularly incompetent or worthless my father would tell me I was “Like teats on a boar hog.”

    • Aliasalpha

      In my youth I remember the comparable phrase “useless as tits on a chicken”, always made me laugh

  • Aliasalpha

    Also, wisdom teeth. WTF? Whose brilliant idea were those?

    As someone who has had 5 out of 7 wisdom teeth removed (yes, I’m a freak), this is always one of the points I raise if ever the perfect design fallacy is raised

  • Ben Crockett

    My apologies, JT, but I have a small correction to highlight.
    In looking at the amount of genetic code that needs to be copied every time mitosis occurs, it’s pretty impressive how accurate and thorough the process is. There are also a lot of molecular proofreading processes—all products of evolution of course—that ensure solid replication. A lot of what can cause cancer happens because DNA gets damaged in such a way that its cell replication is no longer regulated, it just keeps going. Skin cancer is a good example, as UV light can potentially damage DNA like this. Also there’s colon cancer. Cells undergo mitosis relatively frequently in the colon because, well, over the course of one’s life, quite a lot of shit goes through there and it always takes some cells with it. More frequent copying means more opportunity for errors to arise. But even in that case, it generally takes decades for such a thing to occur. Within context, DNA replication is in reality quite a solid process.
    I totally agree with the central point you’re making here, don’t get me wrong. Human anatomy and physiology—or that of any organism for that matter—really only works in the light of evolution. Every one of the many arguments I’ve encountered for ‘design’ has always fallen flat on its face. It’s just that I’m a student of biology, and I feel a certain degree of responsibility to point these things out.

  • Randomfactor

    Best one I know of is the human eye–because the idiot ID Creationists quote-mine that one from Darwin so often.

    The human (vertebrate design) eye is built inside-out with respect to blood vessels.

    That’s why diabetes can lead to blindness (as it did in the case of my late wife, to name only one). The blood vessels supplying the retina are on TOP of the light-gathering layer.

    No, it’s not good design. It’s like running the wires for your computer monitor in front of the screen. No, it’s not the only possible way to do it–the octopus has a similar lensed design but the blood vessels are BEHIND the light-sensing layer.

    So, sure, the great design god knows how to make an eye–he just gave it to the cephalopods by mistake.

    • CoderHead

      If there is a god, it’s a squid. :)

  • Irreverend Bastard

    My favourite is the miraculous design of external testicles. Perhaps people with miraculously designed bodies don’t have them?

    Here’s an example of intelligent design: jockstraps.

  • Kate from Iowa

    But…but…nipples are fun! Ergo…intelligence!

    • Richard


  • fastlane

    we breath, eat, and talk out of the same hole. Great design if the aim was to choke us. Idiotic design otherwise.

    Reminds me of the engineering joke:

    A mechanical engineer, an electrical eng.,and a civil eng. were discussing God’s profession. The ME said He must have been an ME because look at how the human body is constructed with all the intricate bones and muscles. The EE said He must have been an EE because look at the electrical impulses of the nervous system. The CE said God surly must have been a CE because only a CE would put a sewage system through a recreational area.

    Thanks, I’ll be here all week.

  • Pingback: Replicas de relógios Relógios com Maquina ETA Valjoux()