The Catholic League said they wanted to adopt all us sad, miserable, good-for-nothing atheists. It turns out we wanted to be adopted! We came to them, eager to participate…and they closed the doors when they saw us approaching.
The Catholic League has taken down their Contact Us page. Click yon link – it’s gone.
Be careful what you ask for – you might just get a shitload of it. Ah well, as one commenter on my facebook pointed out, their donation page still has a working link to a working contact form attached to the top of it. Keep on asking for adoption, even though it might be harder to get them to take down their donation page. They do like money more than listening, it seems.
But…why? Why leave us all without the overpowering reasons to believe in god? Why not help us to celebrate Christmas in a boring-ass mass like you guys? Jeff Field, the Catholic League’s Director of Communications, has some answers.
Responding to some concerns from atheists who have considered the campaign to be offensive and condescending, he says that campaign should be viewed as “lighthearted, humorous and tongue-in-cheek. If people can’t be good-humored, that’s their own problem. We’re not being condescending at all. People need to have a good sense of humor.”
Because the Catholic League has built up a huge reputation for having a well-developed sense of humor.
It’s an old, lame gambit. Something blows up in your face and immediately you throw your hands up, laugh uncomfortably, and say you were just kidding. That’s why American Atheists are getting emails, because the Catholic League was just joshin’ when they put up that list. Obviously. This is what kids say in grade school: “She’s so ugly! …guys don’t be so sensitive, I was just kidding!!” It’s even more childish when adults do it.
Think about it Jeff: you guys said we were good for nothing and stood for nothing. Maybe we just need to get a sense of humor, right? Isn’t that like me saying the pope is a sniveling, immoral, child-raping piece of shit, waiting 24 hours, and then saying it was tongue-in-cheek? Tell me honestly that Bill Donohue wouldn’t have had five hernias over it during that period.
But if you were just playing, are you now willing to clarify by saying these things aren’t true? Tee hee hee?
At least you’ll never make this mistake again, right?
When questioned about what the word ‘adopt’ means in the press release, Field explains that people are encouraged to “reach out to atheists and offer a lighthearted message with holiday spirit because this time of the year atheists don’t have anything to celebrate.” E-mails, Field says, might “open atheists’ minds and hearts to Christ.”
We atheists have plenty to celebrate. For one, because I don’t have to commit any of my time to protecting child-molesters or trying to justify that behavior against public outcry, I have more time to eat turkey, hug my loved ones, and watch the Die Hard movies (great Christmas fun!).
For another, because I don’t believe a god has commanded me to plant my swampy ass in a pew to be bored silly for a large portion of Christmas Day (and the surrounding days, as well as the rest of my life), I have additional time during the holidays to have unmarried sex with people I love dearly (even help one of them commit biblical adultery), goof around in the snow, read a book, and any number of other activities that have zero to do with religion and everything to do with companionship and my love of life.
Essentially, I celebrate how much better my life is, and how much more moral I am, for not being a Catholic. I rule.
In response to David Silverman saying that of the emails they had received, a few were laced with vulgarity, the Catholic League set the record straight on who has it harder.
“If you would like to see vulgarity, see what some atheists are doing in Loudon County, Va., with a crucified skeleton dressed as Santa Claus or what atheist PZ Myers did to the Eucharist a few summers ago,”
C’mon guys…get a sense of humor.
“You think you have it bad? Remember that one time a student didn’t swallow a cracker and that mean biologist laughed at us?” Don’t flatter yourselves guys, we all laughed at you. You take the cracker so seriously, we couldn’t help it. If you don’t want to be ridiculed, the solution is not to piss, moan, bully and call it vulgarity whenever people giggle at you. The solution is to stop believing ridiculous things.
The Catholic League had one last salvo:
“Our response was done in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. We are even getting some responses from atheists looking to be ‘adopted.’ At least some of them have a good sense of humor.”
Yay, they like our sense of humor….they just don’t want to hear it, so they took down their contact page.
I’m making a note here: huge success.