Catholic League Took Down Their Contact Page

The Catholic League said they wanted to adopt all us sad, miserable, good-for-nothing atheists.  It turns out we wanted to be adopted!  We came to them, eager to participate…and they closed the doors when they saw us approaching.

The Catholic League has taken down their Contact Us page.  Click yon link – it’s gone.


Be careful what you ask for – you might just get a shitload of it.  Ah well, as one commenter on my facebook pointed out, their donation page still has a working link to a working contact form attached to the top of it.  Keep on asking for adoption, even though it might be harder to get them to take down their donation page.  They do like money more than listening, it seems.

But…why?  Why leave us all without the overpowering reasons to believe in god?  Why not help us to celebrate Christmas in a boring-ass mass like you guys?  Jeff Field, the Catholic League’s Director of Communications, has some answers.

Responding to some concerns from atheists who have considered the campaign to be offensive and condescending, he says that campaign should be viewed as “lighthearted, humorous and tongue-in-cheek. If people can’t be good-humored, that’s their own problem. We’re not being condescending at all. People need to have a good sense of humor.”

Because the Catholic League has built up a huge reputation for having a well-developed sense of humor.

It’s an old, lame gambit.  Something blows up in your face and immediately you throw your hands up, laugh uncomfortably, and say you were just kidding.  That’s why American Atheists are getting emails, because the Catholic League was just joshin’ when they put up that list.  Obviously.  This is what kids say in grade school: “She’s so ugly! …guys don’t be so sensitive, I was just kidding!!”  It’s even more childish when adults do it.

Think about it Jeff: you guys said we were good for nothing and stood for nothing.  Maybe we just need to get a sense of humor, right?  Isn’t that like me saying the pope is a sniveling, immoral, child-raping piece of shit, waiting 24 hours, and then saying it was tongue-in-cheek?  Tell me honestly that Bill Donohue wouldn’t have had five hernias over it during that period.

But if you were just playing, are you now willing to clarify by saying these things aren’t true?  Tee hee hee?

At least you’ll never make this mistake again, right?

When questioned about what the word ‘adopt’ means in the press release, Field explains that people are encouraged to “reach out to atheists and offer a lighthearted message with holiday spirit because this time of the year atheists don’t have anything to celebrate.” E-mails, Field says, might “open atheists’ minds and hearts to Christ.”

Apparently “you don’t stand for anything and are good-for-nothing” is now a “light-hearted message with holiday spirit”.  What a bunch of dishonest cretins.  Now I definitely don’t want to celebrate Christmas like them.

We atheists have plenty to celebrate.  For one, because I don’t have to commit any of my time to protecting child-molesters or trying to justify that behavior against public outcry, I have more time to eat turkey, hug my loved ones, and watch the Die Hard movies (great Christmas fun!).

For another, because I don’t believe a god has commanded me to plant my swampy ass in a pew to be bored silly for a large portion of Christmas Day (and the surrounding days, as well as the rest of my life), I have additional time during the holidays to have unmarried sex with people I love dearly (even help one of them commit biblical adultery), goof around in the snow, read a book, and any number of other activities that have zero to do with religion and everything to do with companionship and my love of life.

Essentially, I celebrate how much better my life is, and how much more moral I am, for not being a Catholic.  I rule.

In response to David Silverman saying that of the emails they had received, a few were laced with vulgarity, the Catholic League set the record straight on who has it harder.

“If you would like to see vulgarity, see what some atheists are doing in Loudon County, Va., with a crucified skeleton dressed as Santa Claus or what atheist PZ Myers did to the Eucharist a few summers ago,”

C’mon guys…get a sense of humor.

“You think you have it bad?  Remember that one time a student didn’t swallow a cracker and that mean biologist laughed at us?”  Don’t flatter yourselves guys, we all laughed at you.  You take the cracker so seriously, we couldn’t help it.  If you don’t want to be ridiculed, the solution is not to piss, moan, bully and call it vulgarity whenever people giggle at you.  The solution is to stop believing ridiculous things.

The Catholic League had one last salvo:

“Our response was done in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. We are even getting some responses from atheists looking to be ‘adopted.’ At least some of them have a good sense of humor.”

Yay, they like our sense of humor….they just don’t want to hear it, so they took down their contact page.

I’m making a note here: huge success.  :)

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Crommunist

    Borrowing language from misogynists and racists looking to justify their remarks… check!

    Oh Catholic Church – I’d say don’t ever change but I so desperately want you to change.

  • harrisonhopkins

    Fun fact: The Skeleton Santa that they mention was put up by a Christian, if the original story here is to be believed.

  • Jeff Sherry

    For such a such a light hearted joke the CL put a lot of time in posting a state by state listing of emails to contact for the adoption program. Is there a power struggle within the Catholic League hierarchy?

  • CoderHead

    HUGE success! Yay us!

  • den1s

    Has Bill Donohue ever had a non-trogolodytical day in his life? It’s the Mr. Cranky show every time I see him, and I found another of him just today.

    Viewing Alert: the stupid, it hurts!

    • Glodson

      Why doesn’t stupidity hurt the people that produce it? I mean, it doesn’t even seem to hurt their reputations..

    • will

      “the victims were not young people, they were teenagers and adolescents … we’re not talking about child rape”
      merriam webster says adolescence is the period between puberty and legal age of maturity …

      “only 149 of 100,000 priests are responsible for 25% of the incidents”
      how many more priests does it take to account for all of the incidents?

    • Myk

      Lawyers who made money from the Catholic Church by representing victims of priests are donating money to an organization supporting said victims. That sounds like extremely ethical behavior to me. Only a bigoted moron incapable of rational thought and dedicated to a morally bankrupt cause could have a problem with that. Oh, wait…

  • Glodson

    Ah, some days, it is good to be an Atheist. And it is even better to be a person that loves it when something backfires on a bunch of dicks. So today is a good day.

    And today is a good day to be a nerd that gets references tossed in at the last minute. (For those that might not have gotten it: this link.)

  • TooManyJens

    Responding to some concerns from atheists who have considered the campaign to be offensive and condescending, he says that campaign should be viewed as “lighthearted, humorous and tongue-in-cheek. If people can’t be good-humored, that’s their own problem. We’re not being condescending at all. People need to have a good sense of humor.”

    Oh, totally. I know when I think “Catholic League,” I think “lighthearted bunch of merry pranksters.”

  • Randal Foster

    You know, I actually read a bible verse (better than Twilight) about pulling Coulters…. it said not to…

  • Randal Foster

    aaaaahhhhh…. there it is…..
    “Like a crazed archer scattering firebrands and deadly arrows, such are those who deceive their neighbor, and then say, ‘I was only joking.’” Proverbs 26:18-19

    • NathanDST

      I expected that verse to not exist, as I thought you were perhaps joking. Color me surprised to discover that it’s real.

      • Randal Foster

        unfortunately, I think I know the bible better than most believers do… it’s a “know your enemy” kinda thing…

  • Jurjen S.

    Now, now, Randal, you know Catholic laypersons aren’t allowed to read the Bible for themselves.

  • v1ctor1a

    I’m reminded of Greta Christina’s final words at the end of her most recent piece on alternet.

    [Atheists] are fighting back. They know how to do it. And they’re getting stronger, and smarter, and better.

    Fuck with them at your own risk.

  • Randal Foster

    oooh…. shit….. jurjen you’re right. I guess I’m going to hell for sure now… that probably pushed me right over the edge.

  • davidfusilier

    The “Contact us” link now redirects to “Contact the DNC.” Asking their members to “respond” to the emails they have been getting. LOL

    • Tez

      So, the ‘link’ to their contact page is gone – but is their email system down? Someone *has to* know the email addresses. That would he nice is someone could share that info here…

  • JT (Generic)

    “Everyone knows at least one black person. Adopt a black person and give him an education! .. What? If you don’t have a sense of humor that’s not our problem”

  • Rod Chlebek

    Dammit. They let me down… again.

  • Ibis3, denizen of a spiteful ghetto

    Can I just say, the more posts of yours I read, the more I fall in love with you. Thanks for the mood booster.

  • joelj

    Thanks for the update, JT. I just used the Contact Us link from the Donation page to send this:

    I am an atheist available for “adoption.” I am not available for marriage, however, because I’m already married (to a Christian counselor), with whom I will be celebrating Christmas.

    I was a Christian for over 40 years, so in a sense I was “a Christian all along.” While attending thousands of church services in many different churches (including a few Catholic masses), I developed a keen awareness that there were Christians in my community.

    I would be very pleased if atheists were not looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.” At least my wife doesn’t consider me good for nothing. I’m very happy about that.

    My parents have both died, so I am now an orphan. Please e-mail me as soon as possible with details of your adoption offer.

    Thank you,


  • Mr.Kosta

    The Catholic League didn’t know who they were messing with. I almost feel sorry for them. The key word being “almost”.

  • SuperMental

    That link is now showing some freaky stuff.. See below. There is also a disturbing link to their ad in the Washington Post.


    October 22, 2003 by admin
    Filed under Catalyst Online, Features

    It is not enough for us to blast the connection between the Democratic National Committee and Catholics for a Free Choice in the pages of the New York Times. Read the ad here and then get as many family members and friends to contact the DNC. Here is how to do it:

  • VeritasKnight

    Die Hard…the greatest Christmas movie of them all!

  • Rod Chlebek

    I’ve volunteered through both contact links and through twitter. This would be the coolest thing for a holiday present. I’m a former Catholic.

  • Veronica Abbass

    Tez says

    “Someone *has to* know the email addresses.”

    On the top of the “Donate” page, there is a “Contact Us” link. You can send a message on the form provided on the “Contact Us” page.

    • Sherrym

      I emailed them via the donations page and asked to be adopted. Since I would obviously need presents to understand the true meaning of the season, I also asked for a Kindle Fire. If that wasn’t possible I said I would like to be adopted by a grabby Priest for Christmas, since it’s been awhile. (Just kidding on the last part! I hear you guys are funny! LOLZ). I then closed with that I was Serious about the Kindle though.

  • mickwright

    It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction with this.

  • E-Raid

    We all know that Christians and Catholics are easy targets, and the only reason people pick on them so much is cowardice… Why not target the Muslims, or are you afraid you’ll get a bomb or 2 through the post?
    Pakistan has the highest search ratings for animal sex in the world, as published on Google Stats… So why not re-navigate our abuse at a group of cretins worse than the Roman Empire established book of boredom followers?

  • Liz

    The Catholic Church put a holy foot in its mouth. Again. But this time raped/tortured/killing was not involved…

    Wow. It really is a Christmas miracle.

  • Liz

    The Catholic Church put a holy foot in its mouth. Again. But this time rape/torture/killing was not involved…

    Wow. It really is a Christmas miracle.

  • markiliff

    Fraternal greetings from a country where 65% self-identify as non-religious. That’s improved from 31% in 1983. So benign endarkenment is not just a pipe dream.

    Mind you, it hasn’t reduced the number of absolute dicks…


  • Daley

    Am I the only person that saw “Donohue” and thought it was the guy that use to have the talk show?

    I loved that show – though I was only a kid. I think I liked him most cause he had the male strippers on there a time or two.

    Is this completely off subject?
    Sorry. Go Atheists!

  • Big Mike

    they redirect their contact page now to

  • jamessweet

    “[Atheists are] good for nothing…We’re not being condescending at all.”



  • jamessweet

    And this myth that atheists don’t celebrate Christmas… the vast majority of us do! It’s so offensive to assert otherwise. Sure, some don’t, but they are a distinct minority.

    Hell, I have more to celebrate this December than Bill Donohue and his piece of shit lap dog Jeff Field: My wife (also an atheist) was raised Jewish, while I was raised Mormon, so we celebrate both Channukah and Christmas. Perhaps I should start an “Adopt a Sectarian” campaign because poor fucktwists like Bill Donohue have nothing to celebrate this December 20th.

  • Daniel Christian

    Looks like the contact page is there. Am I missing something?

  • Daniel Christian

    Good luck with being anti-Christ. May it get you an eternity where you now are (should you choose not to know the Truth).