To All Christians Fawning Over Tim Tebow

I’d like to introduce you to the guy who looked like god against Denver last night.

“Look at the attention I get: It’s because I throw a football. But that’s what society values. That’s not what God values. God could give a shit, as far as I’m concerned. He didn’t invent the game. We did. I have some eye-hand coordination, and I can throw the ball. I don’t think that matters to God.”  ~ Tom Brady in 2008

If god was ever going to pick a time to ignore real suffering and intervene in a football game against the wicked, he sure missed a chance to suit up last night.

Conversely, Tim Tebow played as though he was giving Jesus a piggy-back ride.  In a season where the Broncos eked out wins against shitty teams (or injury-depleted teams) and lost to good teams (as one would expect in a godless universe) Tebow completed 46.5 percent of his passes and had 13 fumbles in 14 games.  Show me one other QB with stats like that who even gets to be a third-stringer in the NFL.

There is no god, but there were a few miracles this season: that this guy got any playing time, that almost half the nation thinks so little of god that they think he prioritizes NFL games against crappy teams over bringing mercy to the suffering, and that those same people think they’re better than anybody.

The same god who once held the power to create the universe has apparently been reduced to robbing people of perspective.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • slc1

    A little perspective is call for here.

    1. On can hardly blame the Bronco’s loss last night on Tebow. A team that surrenders 45 points ain’t going to win many football games.

    2. As for Tebow’s fumbles, he also got sacked a lot (he lost one fumble last night and got sacked 5 times). A quarterback who gets sacked a lot is bound to fumble a lot.

    Having said this, Tebow is probably a mediocre NFL quarterback overall who his being hyped by the lame stream media, much as Joe Namath was for entirely different reasons 40 years ago (example, a fawning article by Washington Post columnist Sally Jenkins (whose main interest in sports is ogling the players in the locker room).

    • davidparmenter

      To beat a team that scores 45 pts, all you have to do is score 46. Shouldn’t be too hard if you have an omnipotent being on your side.

  • Noahsarkive

    You are an idiot! Clearly this was the work of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Much more powerful than the puny Christian god!


  • sqlrob

    . On can hardly blame the Bronco’s loss last night on Tebow.

    Sure you can. Where is your god now?

    What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

  • thomaspenn

    That’s a major problem with claiming god is pulling for his team during the regular season and after a win in a wild card game. Why would your god want you to squeak past a severely injury depleted team at home in the wild card round only so you could get your ass handed to you in the divisional round? It’s such a silly and mundane thing for an omnipotent deity to involve himself in.

  • thomaspenn

    Sorry, for the double-post.

    If I had the writing ability, I would love to write a story set in and about a world where Christianity was actually true. A world where miracles befitting a omnipotent deity actually occurred and were witnessed and well documented. A world where prayers were answered at rate significantly greatly than basic statistics and probability theory would suggest. I think it would be fascinating to explore that world because it certainly isn’t the one we live in.

  • ‘Tis Himself, OM.

    It always amazes me how Yahweh and Jebus ignore wars, massacres, natural disasters, etc., but are concerned with which team wins games and how often teenagers masturbate.

  • Saint Gasoline

    Arguably, Tebow doesn’t get attention because he can throw a ball well. He gets attention because he’s an extremely outspoken fundamentalist, and presumably many fundies would think that’s a good thing to get attention for. And, of course, he gets attention among the nonreligious crowd because he’s a mediocre quarterback and we like to see him fail. He’s basically a ratings dream in his appeal to the religious (for his Tebowing) and nonreligious (for his football ineptitude)

  • Gregory

    I never understood why the Almighty Creator of the Universe And Lord of All (sic) will ignore wars, do nothing to alleviate the suffering of the innocent, refuse to intercede on behalf of abused children and deliberately inflict disasters in the form of famines, floods, droughts, earthquakes and tsunamis… and then give a rat’s ass about which side of a sporting events wins.

    • had3

      Cuz He has a sense of humor and personality that you don’t understand; sort of like an insane person.

  • bahrfeldt

    To paraphrase Thomas Aquinas, if you think you understand what god is telling you, it ain’t god. Perhaps god prefered the qb who does not abstain from sex, but then Teebs would be zero for whatever.

  • Steve

    God helped Tebow win games? Excellent, that also means that god deliberately caused Tebow to lose games. Goose/gander.

  • stubby

    That game was so much fun to watch. After reading that quote I officially have a man crush on Brady.

  • alexmartin

    How amazingly f@#$%*g sad, this inversion of reality, like the Imam blaming the woman and condemning her to a stoning death for claiming rape simply because two or three men weren’t available to vouchsafe her allegation–!

    What happy, un-holy horses+-t!
    And to think that some of you reprobates have even sponsored hateTebow-type websites and whatnot.


    The fact of the matter is, let me remind you, that tim Tebow would be an absolute non-issue if YOU people hadn’t MADE him an issue. Yeah, that’s right–you did it–hating his God, hating his piousness, hating his praying, his vociferousness, hating his grace in the face of all your withering, blathering hatefulness. Your childish whining at and about him because he dared (*boo hoo hoo!*) to NOT leave his profession of faith at the church pew. Why, he actually lives his faith! He ministers to the sick and afflicted! He actually DOES sh*&t for people he doesn’t even know! And not for praise or approbation! And, what, he actually ignores your gutter sniping at him for being an actual GOOD PERSON. Oh boy.

    So predictably cause led to affect: because you people were so unconscionably vicious to an innocent 24 year old kid, decent folk stepped up to defend him and to pull him from the teeth of the dogs.


    And you people blame for the hype that surrounds him that you all created?

    Get a damn grip.

    • David Hart

      “He ministers to the sick and afflicted! He actually DOES sh*&t for people he doesn’t even know! ”

      I don’t think anyone, atheist or otherwise, has a problem with looking after the sick and afflicted (as long as it is actually doing useful stuff for them, not just preaching at them or praying for them). No, the problem is that he makes a mockery of himself and his profession (and indeed his religion) by apparently living by the philosophy that God actively intevenes to help his team in a sports game. This is a ridiculous thing to believe, and one is entitled to ridicule the ridiculous.

      “hating his God”

      What the I don’t even.
      It is impossible to hate something unless you believe it exists. An atheist no more hates God than a Star Wars fan (who knows the movies are fiction) hates the Emperor. Of course, it is possible to suspend ones’s disbelief and be swept up in the drama of a piece of fiction such as Star Wars or the Bible, but when it comes to real life, one must act on the real. We do not hate God, because we believe God is fictional. What we hate is seeing people acting on the basis of fiction as if it were real and being taken seriously, even admired for it, especially when those beliefs lead to real suffer for actual sentient beings that actually exist (which I will concede is more than can be leveled against Tebow – he is not blocking stem cell research or trying to prevent access to contraception as far as I’m aware; he’s just being silly and credulous).

      • David Hart

        “real suffering“, of course.

  • RQ

    Clearly the Salem Witches that cast a spell on Friday the 13th to help the Patriots were more powerful than Zombie Jesus.

    • alexmartin