Jealousy is lame

As I have become more of a public figure I’ve come to realize that it’s impossible to please everyone (not that I ever tried), and that some people are just going to try and get a rise out of you because you’ve made them mad in some way.  I got one of those yesterday.

She is sooooooooo HOT! But who was they cute tall guy squeezing her ass over by the right hand wall toward the back? It wasn’t JT but she was giggling with delight!

But don’t worry JT, on those long nights at KU with all those cute guys with hard ons I am sure she is thinking only of you! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

She is very pretty.  :)

Things like this make me just tilt my head and raise an eyebrow.

This is why living without jealousy is pretty awesome.  In our relationship Michaelyn and I tell each other when we’re going on dates with others, so if someone was grabbing her ass I can trust that I’d know about it (and wouldn’t give the first shit).  It’s amazing how easy (and comfortable) honesty is when there’s no reason to hide anything.

So while this guy is just making shit up, let’s assume for a moment that it was true.  This person tells me my girlfriend is giggling, indicating that she’s happy, and I’m supposed to be upset?  This makes no sense to me.  I’m always ecstatic to find out that someone I care about is happy!  Makes no difference to me whether or not it’s me making her happy.  I’m not that vain.

And so what if she thinks of other people while I’m away?  Am I really supposed to think I’m the most physically attractive person she’s ever encountered?  Once more, my ego doesn’t extend that high.  If this person has a significant other and really believes that they never ever ever fantasize about other people, they are really deluding themselves.  What’s more, if you’re going to consider fantasizing about others to be a thought crime that merits jealousy or thoughts of insecurity (as this person clearly expects of me), you’re going to spend a lot of time in relationships being paranoid and less happy than you could be otherwise.

Besides, as Michaelyn said as we were having an oreo and milk date this morning, overly hormonal college guys aren’t really her type.  :)

Jealousy makes you miserable and insecure for no good reason.  It also allows others to make you miserable.  Personally, I’m not a fan of being miserable.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Bertram Cabot

    That’s a scream! But apparently the asshole got to you if you devote a post to it.

    And yes, she is HOT.

    • http://freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd JT Eberhard

      Not at all. But it did prompt thoughts about why jealousy is lame.

    • Clifton Moore

      I don’t understand this. Do these people actually believe they’re some kind of “instrument of your torment” or somesuch? Like do these sorts honestly believe that they are destroying lives one poorly-written blog comment at a time? I would actually be very interested in reading up on the psychology behind this.

  • teh_faust

    Is it jealousy that makes you insecure? I kind of always assumed it was insecurity that made me jealous…

    • ash

      your assumption is correct. I would LOVE to be free of jealousy but it’s not something I control. I also have really bad vertigo/fear of heights. every once in a while i’ll think, I can go up into that lighthouse, or I stand on that rock overhang. then when I get closer to it I start feeling dizzy and animal-panicked. Jealousy sucks that way. Also, remember JT’s lack of jealousy is wayyy the exeption and not the rule. He’s lucky he ain’t got it. I wish there were meds for it, I would be on ‘em in a flash.

      • ash

        Also, in realizing I have a problem with it, I am able to avoid inflicting the juvenile symptoms on the person I’m interested in. My solution has been to drop out of dating alltogether. If you’re like me, levels of jealosy correspond with interest level. I could easily date someone I wasn’t all that into, but that would be so uncool and unfair to that person.

        • Rory

          Statements like this make about as much sense to me as “I can’t help being racist, non-whites just annoy me.”

          We all have elements of our personalities that are not awesome and pro-social. Sometimes these are of such a nature that they will negatively impact our lives if we allow them to play out. We may not be able to entirely eliminate these elements from our psyches, but we can certainly make a decision about how much influence they allow us to have. With regard to jealousy, that might mean feeling an initial stab of it, and then dealing with it rationally. Depending on how deeply ingrained this quality is, it might be something that can be easily overcome, or it might require more intensive intervention, but the idea that it’s just part of who you are and therefore unchangeable seems defeatist.

  • Amber K

    This could have easily been a post about maturity, which this Tinker Bell person does not have. I really can’t understand why anyone would to try to upset someone in such a nasty, juvenile way. I think that’s where the real jealousy lies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Eileenmcano eileencano

    As always, your post is right on on this subject, but more importantly, that picture of you guys is SOoooOo cute!

  • Bertram Cabot

    You’re right, JT. A young, attractive (love that slim waist and beautiful skin) woman like her is not going to be tempted by those virile, handsome, intellgent young men who speckle the KU campus.

    I am sure none of them would even THINK of asking her out knowing YOU are her boyfriend! hehehehe

    • Rory

      Cool story bro.

    • carlie

      “hehehe”?

      Seriously???

    • Michaelyn

      Where are all these perfect, gorgeous, intelligent boys everyone keeps talking about?

  • Cynthia

    Bertram – You are just trying to be twit, right? See if you can annoy other people with the juvenile behavior? If so, you didn’t quite get there for me, but you did make me sigh, loud and long. Talk about missing the point!

    JT, thanks. You got it just right. Jealousy is a reflection of insecurity. When you are secure in who you are and who your lover is, jealousy becomes a non-issue.

    I am also very impressed that you’ve gotten to that stage of maturity and acceptance at your age. It has taken me a much longer time to get to that level, to accept myself for who I am. And it took even longer to meet a man who was there, as well.

    So – Happy Valentine’s Day – may you enjoy our overly commercialized approach to celebrating love, lovers and all the possible combos you get to enjoy!

    I have a friend who tried to claim VD as a religious holiday, but I’m ignoring it. I like chocolates, hearts and sex, so I’m keeping that holiday for my own!

  • https://twitter.com/#!/Erulora Erulóra Maikalambe

    Bertram’s wrong about one thing (well, several). The intelligent men don’t go to KU.

  • Anonymous

    Very nice post! I’ve had something like this happen exactly twice. Once from a chick named Amanda and once from a guy named Damon Fowler. They both confused the bajeezus out of me.

    I was friend’s with Amanda’s bf, and she sent me a Facebook saying she had Chlamydia in an effort to see if her bf was cheating on her (obviously he wasn’t). I asked the guy about it immediately of course, and we laughed our butts off. I believe that was one of the factors that made him break up with her not long after.

    Damon was even weirder. He’s my boyfriend’s ex’s boyfriend. I had never even heard of him until he sent me a Facebook message:

    Damon: “Thought you would want to know shawn is still sending kira “I love you and I miss you” txts”

    Me: “Yup. Shawn said he wants to go down an introduce us soon. They seem to really miss each other but he’s been (to my knowledge) really up front about it, so no worries. I thank you for the info though. = )

    … so are you really the only reason they broke up?”

    Damon: “Me? I had nothing to do with them breaking up, as far as I know. He kept accusing her of cheating on him with me and saying she was going to leave him for me. I didn’t make any moves until after they already broke up. I even waited two weeks, so they could possibly work it out. So you’re cool with knowing that he would rather be with her even though he has you?”

    After some banter, I told him to mind his own business, and Shawn called his ex to let her know what was up. Damon didn’t get any for 2 months for that stunt. :D

    In every case someone has tried that in my case, it bit the in the ass. I admit to jealousy every so often, but I’m honest with my significant other about it so I can avoid acting like a tool. We’ve always been able to work out a solution. I can understand being jealous. I can understand it comes from insecurity. What I don’t understand is how people think that petty actions from jealousy do any good. Then again, my boyfriend is awesome: he lets me know when he goes out with a chick he know’s I’m insecure about, and if it’s a general thing I get cuddles to feel better with. Free cuddles!

  • ladydreamgirl

    When I saw that comment I was like: has this person ever actually read JT’s blog?

  • John Norris

    Is your correspondent stalking Michaelyn? Could be nothing, just overly cautious paternal instincts.


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