On guilt

When I write about polyamory, the most frequent response I receive is to tell me that the jealousy would be too much.

For me, obviously, that’s not a problem.  Sure, I get the occasional jealous impulse, but it’s easy to ignore.  Nobody mentions whether or not guilt would be a problem though, which has been the most difficult part on my end.

When I’m with Christina, I worry that Michaelyn will be jealous or that she’ll miss me.  Likewise, I worry that Christina will get jealous that I miss Michaelyn so much and see her more often (what with her being my primary).  This is undoubtedly due to growing up in a world where jealousy is given power and even treated as a wholesome part of a relationship.

That worry steals enjoyment from the time I get with both of them.

The lousy thing about it, aside from the happiness lost, is that neither is jealous (at least no more than I am).  It’s just hard to make myself expect them to not be jealous.  It’s also hard to know that by feeling this guilt I know I’m not taking two very honest women at their word (and their actions).

Any of you other poly folks have the same issue?

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