On guilt

When I write about polyamory, the most frequent response I receive is to tell me that the jealousy would be too much.

For me, obviously, that’s not a problem.  Sure, I get the occasional jealous impulse, but it’s easy to ignore.  Nobody mentions whether or not guilt would be a problem though, which has been the most difficult part on my end.

When I’m with Christina, I worry that Michaelyn will be jealous or that she’ll miss me.  Likewise, I worry that Christina will get jealous that I miss Michaelyn so much and see her more often (what with her being my primary).  This is undoubtedly due to growing up in a world where jealousy is given power and even treated as a wholesome part of a relationship.

That worry steals enjoyment from the time I get with both of them.

The lousy thing about it, aside from the happiness lost, is that neither is jealous (at least no more than I am).  It’s just hard to make myself expect them to not be jealous.  It’s also hard to know that by feeling this guilt I know I’m not taking two very honest women at their word (and their actions).

Any of you other poly folks have the same issue?

Moving day #1
Impenetrable Fort Adorable.
The wife is getting ideas.
Sharing time: how are you celebrating the same-sex marriage ruling?
About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


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