Hey everyone! Christina here.
I’ve spend the last month and a half since being prescribed drugs testing them out, and I’m happy to report fairly positive results.
Last time I wrote about mental illness, my psychiatrist prescribed Lexapro and Wellbutrin for depression/anxiety/depersonalization.
Part of me doesn’t want to bore you with the details, but here they are anyway:
Lexapro didn’t seem to do much for me at first except make me yawn. A lot. I found myself yawning some 10-20 times in a row, probably at least 30 times a day – no joke. Eventually, I figured out the yawning must have a vestibular component. If I were to, say, lay in bed, I wouldn’t yawn, but as soon as I arose, the yawning fits started I also yawned nearly constantly while driving.
After a week or two, the yawning subsided, and I started to feel better. I was unsure at first if I felt less depersonalized, or if I felt depersonalized but cared less about having those feelings. I also noticed my thoughts about suicide slowly went away, almost without me noticing. One evening as I drove home, I realized I had not thought about suicide the entire day.
I decided to start on the Lexapro first, to see what effects it might have by itself. After a few weeks on it, I felt decent, so I started on the Wellbutrin.
Wellbutrin made me want to accomplish ALL OF THE THINGS the first few days I took it. I wrote something like five blog posts and cleaned the entire house. I thought Wellbutrin might save me from my incessant procrastination – however, after the first day or so, instead of wanting to do everything, I felt… well, I can’t describe how I felt other than to say I felt bored.
Frustratingly bored. I kept texting, “I’m so BORED!” to my friends. I could have been standing onstage in the middle of Las Vegas, surrounded by Richard Dawkins, Greta Christina, my husband, JT, and Teller, singing Skeptical Girls while PZ Myers poured glitter all over me, and I would have felt bored and uninterested by the whole affair. After a few weeks of Wellbutrin, I quit. So too, did the frustrating feeling of boredom.
At the end of February, I met with my psychiatrist a second time. She nixed the Wellbutrin and added Adderall.
Adderall makes my mouth a tad dry, and if I take a dose less than 10 hours before bed, I have difficulty falling asleep. However, it makes me feel more motivated to accomplish things. I’m working on a short story, and to my amazement, I was able to work on it for about five hours straight the other night without getting burned out or paying attention to 245 other things.
So, I think I am pretty close to fixing my brain. I’m not really bothered by feelings of depersonalization much anymore. It comes and goes. Last weekend, I spent the night at a friend’s house and forgot to bring my meds, so I went without both Lexapro and Adderall for a day. Not only did I feel depersonalized, but I was also really lethargic, so when I got home around 5pm, I promptly took a nap. I can’t say for sure if that points to any causation, though.
Now, instead of feeling like I don’t want to do anything, I feel like I want to do many things and don’t have enough time to do them all. This is assuredly preferable!
I also should touch on cost. Lexapro was $120 for 30 pills. Ow. However, Lexapro is going generic – I knew it was on the way to becoming generic, and my local pharmacy just sent me a letter confirming that it is, right now, generic, That means it will probably cost something closer to $20. So, for all of you Lexapro users out there who have crappy prescription medication coverage or none at all, rejoice! Your brainpills are now cheaper.