The Daily Twitter: The answer is Jesus

Christina here…

With your Daily Twitter.

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  • http://criticallyskeptic-dckitty.blogspot.com Katherine Lorraine, Chaton de la Mort

    What’s the square root of 432?

    Jesus!

    How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?

    Jesus!

    • Gregory in Seattle

      Well, must admit that your answer for the tongue-twister is easier to remember than the more commonly accepted answer: “As much wood as a wood chuck could chuck, if he could chuck wood.”

      • http://florilegia.wordpress.com Ibis3, denizen of a spiteful ghetto

        I learned this answer: “A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”

        Now I can replace that with “Jesus”.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/Erulora Erulóra Maikalambe

    Who let the dogs out?

    Jesus!

  • http://iamaperture.wordpress.com Zinc Avenger

    Jesus?
    Jesus.

  • eric

    What word should I use as a curse word?

    Jesus!

  • skepticallydenpa

    Millennium Prize Problems?…

    Jesus!

    I think CMI owes me six million dollars.

  • lordshipmayhem

    Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?

    Jesus!

  • Andrew G.

    There are worse ways to find ones keys…

  • Mr.Kosta

    Who controls the British Crown?
    Who keeps the metric system down?

    JE-SUS! JE-SUS!

    Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
    Who keeps the Martians under wraps?

    JE-SUS JE-SUS!

    Who holds back the electric car?
    Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?

    JE-SUS! JE-SUS!

    Who robs kegfish of their sight?
    Who rigs every Oscar night?

    JE-SUS! JE-SUUUUUUUS!

    (Just in case you don’t get the reference)

  • John Horstman

    How do you solve a problem like Maria? Jesus! (Wait, she left the nunnery…)

    What’s the antiderivative of the Gaussian function? Jesus! (Of course, positioning god at the points where the scientific representational models that we use for reality fail has some interesting philosophical implications. Same holds for, “What is the exact value of Pi? Jesus!”)

  • Gregory in Seattle

    Which cut of meat should I get for stew?

    What do you get when you cross a male organ with a telephone pole?

    Why is the sky blue?

    Who could possibly find Billy Crystal funny?

    When are we leaving on vacation?

    Where will we be going?

    How many beers have you had?

    Would you like to… you know….

    Yup. “Jesus” is the white rice of answers: perfect with everything.

  • had3

    Who works on my car?…okay, his name actually is Jesus. Got lucky with that one.

  • Didaktylos

    I always say that if Jesus is the answer, it was a very silly question ;-)

  • Aliasalpha

    Hmm, seems like that would be a VERY easy gameshow.

  • Jeremy Shaffer

    There’s a church near my house that has as a default saying on their sign “Jesus is still the answer”. My thought when I pass it is usually, “Only to a question that never needed asking in the first place.”

    • Aliasalpha

      That sounds like material for a good atheist video in the subterranean homesick blues style, stand next to it with a series of signs asking why this horror happens and jesus is still the answer…

      • Jeremy Shaffer

        There are a lot of churches in my area that I could do something like that. Sadly, way too many of them would call for a sign with nothing more than a giant “WTF?”.


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