What I think when I read my email sometimes

I get emails all the time trying to convert me.  I always enjoy reading them in silence while my brain snarks the fuck out.

Last year I got this one from someone named “Life Needs Protection”…presumably from atheists, who can’t stand people living. 😛  My thoughts are in red.

Humor me?

Is there justice in this world? [Sometimes.]

Why should a baby die a horrible disease and a murderer escape punishment and live to be an old man?  [Sounds like an unfair universe, which kind of nullifies the idea of a god who cares.]

They both die. The same. Equal.  [Dying via horrible disease is an equal death to old age?  This is not off to a very auspicious start…]

Just doesn’t seem fair?  [You’re right, it doesn’t.  Yet I suspect you’re about to conclude that it is fair.  Watch me be a prophet.]

How does the atheist find hope in death?  [By living our lives to the fullest, unfettered by time-wasting and limiting delusions, and accepting that sometimes the truth just sucks – doesn’t make it untrue]

But this time I took the time to write back.

There are easy answers to this, of course – but first a question back:

How does the amount of hope attached to an idea have any relevance to its truth? I mean, how does anybody draw hope out of hurricane Katrina? Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

I get this back.

I agree that natural events including disasters transpire every day [Oh, here we go, she’s going to answer the one question I asked…], but as a Christian, we believe [you guys always want to talk about what you believe, not why you believe it] God is always in control [That means your god is responsible for those natural disasters.  And you worship him?]. We question why He saves some and others die [Have you considered the possibility that the universe is pitiless, just like it looks?  Or that god doesn’t have a sense of justice, like it looks?  If not, I’m not sure how much questioning you’ve done]. Nevertheless, how can mere mortals with finite minds understand these things [That the universe appears indifferent?  Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.  And why is religion always so disdainful of human beings?  What a horrible outlook.  Besides, compared to the bible, you’d be hard-pressed to find any ‘mere mortal’ who didn’t look like freaking Einstein]? I see God as a loving God [the one in control of the natural disasters?] not one to destroy us [the one in charge of life-destroying natural disasters?] like so many misled religious fanatics [Yes, because you can’t stand religious fanatics].

If He sanctioned Katrina to transpire [Are you going to provide evidence for that “if”?] — same as 9/11 there must be a purpose [Let me guess: his purpose for drowning life-long Christians and their infants is because he loves them.  If only every murderer could use that defense]…a good that He sees and uses to encourage the human spirit to survive and help others [he encourages humans to survive by killing them?  And you think this guy is all-wise?]. We can go back to the story of Job as an impeccable example [a guy in the bible suffered from god’s edicts?  Well sign me up…]. His famous line, Thou He slay me, yet will I trust in Him [This is a recipe for being abused.  It’s not a good thing.  Try telling it to a victim of spousal abuse]. I see it as perfect faith [you must have a more cynical opinion of faith than I, which is quite an accomplishment] though others see it as mindless dribble [I see it as masochism and a dedication to being unreasonable because you think it feels nice]. Job finds his answers in the last chapter. It really is a remarkable story of trust despite tremendous loss [No, it’s not].

I surmise it is how we perceive and respond to circumstances [Either sanely or insanely?]. We respond with Hope because a loving God is in control [the one who controls the natural disasters?]. Even in the midst of Katrina there must have been people praying and trusting that God has a purpose [Sure.  And statistics confirm that a large number of them drowned]. Hope was alive somewhere and many lessons learned [lesson learned: prayer doesn’t work.  Remember my question about why it matters if an idea is comforting since that doesn’t make it true?  Were you going to get to that any time soon?].

A man confined to bed because of a lingering illness had on his sunlit windowsill a cocoon of a beautiful species of butterfly [Oh good, a metaphor]. As nature took its course, the butterfly began its struggle to emerge from the cocoon. But it was a long, hard battle [designed by the god who presumably doesn’t like suffering]. As the hours went by, the struggling insect seemed to make almost no progress [the god who created its suffering and could have ended it at any time watches on]. Finally, the human observer, thinking that “the powers that be” had erred [or that suffering sucks and the universe looks like it doesn’t care], took a pair of scissors and snipped the opening larger. The butterfly crawled out, but that’s all it ever did–crawl. The pressure of the struggle was intended to push colorful, life-giving juices back into the wings, but the man in his supposed mercy prevented this [lack of accurate information twisted the human’s good intentions into cruelty.  This is precisely the danger of religion, which tells us that we don’t need to be rational.  You think parents who pray for their sick children even as they die from curable illnesses rather than taking them to the doctor don’t love their kids?  Of course they do!  But bad facts about what works to alleviate suffering is the problem, and it’s religion that sustains it.  What’s more, had god not been a dick in his design, human compassion to rectify the problem wouldn’t have been necessary.  The way you write, it sounds like you’d thank someone for shooting you in the leg for the ability to do tricks in a wheel chair]. The insect never was anything but a stunted abortion [irrationality causes some shitty things, doesn’t it?], and instead of flying on rainbow wings above the beautiful gardens [oh, it’s a gay butterfly, that explains why god wanted it to suffer], it was condemned to spend its brief life crawling in the dust [you’re right, we should fix irrationality]. That gives me the idea that God knows what He is doing [couldn’t he have just made the butterfly without making it suffer?  If this guy knows what he’s doing, he’s malicious]. It’s a fact that you can depend on Him [for natural disasters and pain designed into existence?  That’s like saying you can count on a thief to teach you the virtue of living in poverty] –even when it seems the struggle is hard and meaningless. –James S. Hewett [someone published that argument?  And you read it and thought it was an answer to the question I asked?], Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988) p. 20.

Your turn [wait, you didn’t answer my question]. Your explanation of life [when did you ask me for that?  Anyway, assembly of the first self-replicating molecule in montmorillonite clay followed by billions of years of evolution, just like the evidence suggests.  Read a biology book and stop asking random bloggers to explain biology to you]. Where is your hope [in the ability of knowledge to save us from hunger, thirst, natural disasters, animals who want to eat us, and all the other ‘blessings’ god supposedly designed into existence]? In Science? [Yes] Knowledge? [Yes…are you anti-knowledge?] Whose knowledge? [The cumulative discoveries of mankind, same as anybody else.  You do know that humans wrote the bible, right?] Where is truth? [All around you: clean water, abundant food, medicine, cell phones, satellite imaging of tropical storms, etc.  The facts about the universe that produced them are undeniably true, and none of these things were in the bible, I’ve read it]  And who defined it? [Again, humans, when they realized it worked and was supported by the evidence – even as they have to change the intellectual diapers of people like you] Can I trust your knowledge to give me hope? [If you eat store-bought food, watch the weather, or drink clean water, then you already do].  Is there an explanation as to why a murderer and a child have the same course in death? [They don’t have the same course]  Where is the justice? [Provided by society where possible, non-existent where it isn’t, which is what we’d expect in a godless universe]  Where is the comfort?  [Remember that time I asked how comfort was related to truth?  If you think comfortable beliefs are more likely to be true, just believe you don’t have the flu next time you do]

Thanks for the taking the time [You’re not welcome, since it’s apparent you set out to not listen and to waste the time I so generously gave you].

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