ffffffffffffffffor real?

Christina here…

Oh, One “Million” Moms… you are a parody of yourself.

I got a new email from One “Million” Moms today. I couldn’t help but laugh. While children are starving, being raped, or being abused, One “Million” Moms chooses to use their collective agency to police commercials and media.

Their concern is over this commercial:


YouTube Preview Image


Dear Christina,

Not sure of TruGreen’s thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, then they have succeeded. TruGreen’s newest “Weed Slayer” commercial includes, “What the Fffffff—front yard?” The actor begins to say the F-word and then switches to front yard. This is not enough to cover up what he meant to say. Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary. Does TruGreen desire for our children to have dirty mouths?

TruGreen may have thought this was humorous, but it is not cute when children go around saying this. All parents know that children repeat what they hear. Let’s stop this commercial dead in its tracks. Let TruGreen know their new ad is irresponsible.


Please send an email letter to TruGreen regarding their new “Weed Slayer” commercial and ask that they pull this ad immediately.


Dear One “Million” Moms,

Not sure if trolling, or prude to the point of absurdity.

My husband knows kids who weren’t allowed to say, “darn” or, “shoot” or “fudge” in their homes, because we all know what those words *really* stood for.  You remind me of those families.

I’m offended by people treating their children this way, teaching them that certain sounds or even substitutions for those sounds cannot be said for fear of punishment. Why not instead instill a strong sense of ethics, and leave these victimless “crimes” out of your parenting strategy, so kids can focus on learning what’s really important about how to be a functioning and productive member of society?

Certain words does not a dirty mouth make. The Truegreen commercial doesn’t even have a “dirty” word.

Yes. It will be so horrible if your children say, “fffffffffffffffffront lawn” and giggle about it. Oh, the humanity. You’re either going to raise uptight asshats or rebels who reject large parts of your culture with that kind of parenting

Speaking of which, One “Million” Moms, have you heard of this guy Tim Minchin, who sang a song at the National Mall in DC with like 75+ of the actual word you so fear? Maybe you should boycott that guy, at least it would be slightly less pathetic.  Slightly.




Seriously, I think I’m going to email OMM and rant at them about what a horrible person Tim Minchin is. Maybe they will garner some national attention for him.

Learn more about Christina and follow her @ziztur.

About christinastephens
  • Steerpike

    Shut the FFFfffffront door!

  • John Kruger

    The whole idea of forbidden words has always struck me as fairly stupid. Isn’t what the words actually mean and convey more important? I generally avoid using the “dirty” words because they do not really add much meaning and they only add a chance to alienate some people, but getting up in arms about using the wrong words to express the same ideas is a complete waste of time.

    Isn’t the whole “curse word” phenomena from the bible? Leviticus I think? I am not sure, but it would not surprise me. The most religious people always seem to be the ones to get upset the quickest about this sort of thing.

  • http://www.atheist-faq.com JT (Generic)

    My question is, so what if children say FUCK? Who decided that “poop” is okay, and “shit” isn’t, especially when they mean the same thing?

    I don’t get humans sometimes.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

      You and me both, man.

      Far as I’m concerned, there are no “bad” words. There are bad thoughts, and bad intentions, yes, but words are pretty much neutral — it’s the thoughts and intentions attached to the words that matter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/msmith1 mattsmith

    Just last year I had a conversation with a friend/co-worker about teaching her kids to say “gosh darn” instead of “god damn.” I raised a similar point: we know what word they mean, so why not just use the word? The intent behind the word is still there. The response I got was along the lines of “the other way of saying it is an offense to god and I’m teaching my kids not to offend god.” My response was, paraphrased, “You’re telling me an omniscient omnipotent being who sees into your heart and knows what you’re thinking is going to be offended by the words that comes out of your mouth?” We haven’t really talked since then.

    • Aliasalpha

      Or indeed would said god be fooled by someone simply substituting words when the intent is clear in their heart?

      Actually now that I think of it I’m pretty sure there’s a fair bit of talk about that kind of thought crime in the dungeon masters guide bible

      • I’m_not

        And why give his Only Son™ the middle name “fucking”?

  • Steerpike

    “Naughty” words make a fascinating study in and of themselves. In English, when there are 2 versions of a word, one acceptable, and the other “bad”, the former is usually derived from Latin, and the other Germanic. Originally, English derived from the Germanic and Scandinavian tongues spoken by the Angles, Saxons, Jutes and others who conquered England after the collapse of the Roman Empire. Later, when the Norman invaded, they brought “civilization” back to England, along with Latinate languages. So after the conquest, the nobility spoke Norman French, while the peasants continued to speak gutteral Old English. That’s also why we have one term for a cooked meat (such as a nobleman might eat) and a different word for the animal it came from (which would have been raised by a peasant); think “poultry” vs. “chicken”. Likewise, it is considered crude and offensive to discuss a woman’s “cunt”, even though it is a perfectly valid term, going back at least as far as Chaucer (closely related to the term “quaint”, originally meaning dainty, frivolous and feminine). Instead we use the term “vagina” (if we must broach the subject at all), which derives from the Latin term for a scabbard, or sheath.

    The word “Fuck” derives from the German word for “strike” or “hit” (no, it does not stand for “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”–that’s a wive’s tale. Acronyms didn’t enter the language until much later); the German military aircraft, the Fokker, derives from the same root. As such it is arguably much more valid to use the term as an expression of anger and aggression, rather than in reference to a presumably consensual and mutually enjoyable sex act.

    • Rory

      That was interesting. Thanks for sharing it.

    • I’m_not

      I bet One million Moms use the word “quaint”, in an approving way, quite a lot. It’s derived from the same root as “cunt” and Chaucer uses both.

      I don’t know when we English decided “cunt” was verboten (Shakespeare never uses it explicitly but alludes to it a few times, Hamlet asking Ophelia if she means, “country matters” for example) but several towns had a Grope Cunt Lane,including one just off Fleet Street in London, where the prostitutes hung out and many pubs now called “The Grapes” are former brothels and are linked with “Grope” and “Grope Cunt”.

      How quaint.

      I was taught “fuck” is strike or hit but with a hint of rhythmical striking or hitting, shown in some local dialects of England referring to hawks as “wind fuckers” and smiths as “iron fuckers”. This would also make sense of fucking as the sexual act and the phrase “fuck off”.

      • I’m_not

        The Wife of Bath in “The Miller’s Tale”, “For certeyn, olde dotard, by your leave/You shall have queynte right enough at eve … What aileth you to grouche thus and groan?/Is it for ye would have my queynte alone?”

        Queynte seems to mean both “quaint” and “cunt”, depending on context.

    • christophburschka

      “Fuck” derives from the German word for “strike” or “hit”

      This is actually incorrect as well. This claim might be a garbled version of the word deriving from Germanic, which refers to a group of ancient and modern languages with a common ancestor in the Iron age; they include English too.

      For example, the Dutch word “fokken” means “strike”. However, the German word for “strike” is “schlagen”.

    • theoblivionmachine

      Hang on, Fokker is the name of an aircraft producer: Anthony Fokker, this is where the German Fokkers get their name from.
      This has nothing to do with “strike” or “hit” or their German counterparts (which German word where you referencing btw?).

      The Dutch word ‘fokken’ means breeding, as in farm animals and pets.

      It’s possible to get ‘opfokken’ as antagonizing someone in everyday speech, but there’s nothing even anywhere close to hitting (a target or a person), I’d like to see where you got that information from.

  • Paul Hunter

    my daughters likely learned forbidden words from me, so I told them they had to know the actual meaning and then not to use them in front of teachers or grandmothers

  • busterggi

    Let’s not make a big deal of this.

    Maybe we can all get together and watch ‘Scarface’.

  • Parse

    Fffffffor your response to this afffffffront, make sure to use plenty offfffff ‘Ffffffff’ words, and draw out each ‘Ffffffff’. It’ll be fffffffunny!

  • Molly

    When I was 8 or 9 years old, my friends and I got a lot of laughs out of a little song that went like this:

    My baby fell out of the window!
    You’d think that his head would’ve split!
    The doctor said we were lucky,
    Cause he landed in a pile of SSSSSSSSSSHHHaving cream!

    When my parents first heard it, the worst I got was a feigned scowl and an “OH MOLLY!” Here I am all grown up and I turned out fine…

    …actually, members of the Million Moms would probably be horrified if their children turned out like me: godless, brazenly liberal, opinionated, feminist, etc.

  • Marshall

    Dear O”M”M,

    Thank you sooooo much for bringing this to my attention. It worries me to no end to think that my future children, which I most definitely intend to have in accordance with traditional human practices, might grow up in a world in which people say words that begin with the same phonetic sound as swear words. It is not, as I’m sure you know, the sound itself that makes words that begin with similar phonetic sounds as swear words a problem, of course, it is the emphasis sometimes placed on the specific phonetic sound at the start of the word. When people do this, my heart begins to race and I fear I might lose consciousness at any moment. Surely you know how distressing this is.

    Once, I went to the movies with a friend. We thoroughly checked as many sources as possible to ensure that the movie we were going to see contained only words not beginning with ‘f’, ‘sh’, ‘d’, ‘h’, and several other opening sounds, and if they did begin with those sounds then we went to various forums and asked those who had seen the movie how long each of those sounds was pronounced for before the speaker moved on to the next sound. It was determined that if the speaker remained on such a sound for longer than .2 seconds before moving on, we would not see that movie. You can never be too careful. At one point during the movie, someone decided to answer a cell phone call and speak rather loudly, interrupting my enjoyment of the movie I had spent so many hours researching. My friend leaned over and said ‘Shhhhhhh’. I don’t THINK that this was meant to be the first sound of a commonly used swear word, but you can never be too safe, so I immediately left the theater and have since cut off contact with that person.

    But the people who truly need protection from these horrors are the children. I mean, children are typically not interested in going through movie scripts and doing research about the length of time for which the first sounds of words are held, they usually just want to see the latest movie featuring cartoon animals or food products. As such, and because my time is limited, I have decided that when I have children I will not permit them to enjoy any media that contains words. They will be restricted to silent movies and instrumental music, and even then they most CERTAINLY will not be allowed to listen to jazz, as some of the sounds made by the trumpet players are dangerously close to the sounds at the start of swear words. When we leave the house, I will require that they wear ear plugs and blindfolds, and they will only leave the house when it is necessary to take them to the hospital for medical emergencies. I will be homeschooling them, because I cannot trust the parents of other kids to be as vigilant, and I don’t want the other kids filling the minds of my children with horrible ‘f’ and ‘sh’ sounds. In describing these plans to others, I have often been told that I am being overly harsh, but I’m sure you will all agree that it’s important to teach children from a young age that words have magic powers and will rot their innocent souls, and so they should avoid all books and other learning materials lest someone mistakenly print two ‘f’s or stress the ‘sh’ on a spoken word for .25 seconds.

    I can only imagine how fulfilling it must be to protect your own kids from improperly emphasized sounds, and I’m sure you feel great civic pride from doing your duty to protect others from those sounds as well. As we all know, speech should be strictly controlled in order to prevent anyone from saying anything that could possibly be construed as offensive to someone, or even sounding like something that could possibly be construed as offensive to someone. I have often heard talk of the ‘first amendment’, but those who bring it up often do so with .02 seconds worth of inappropriate emphasis on the first letter, which is sufficient in most cases to cause me to lapse into a deep dreamless sleep, and so I have decided it is best simply not to read such a terrible thing. I can only conclude from your wholly laudable campaign to rid the world of errant ‘f’ sounds that you have made the same decision. Surely we will be the true heroes of history.

    Fooksheet Neepledeck

    • http://weareatheism.com Amanda Brown

      HILARIOUS! Loved it! LMFffffAO!

  • sumdum

    For example, the Dutch word “fokken” means “strike”. However, the German word for “strike” is “schlagen”.

    Don’t know where you got this, but it’s wrong. In dutch, fokken means ‘to breed’, for example a paardenfokker is a horse breeder.
    ‘Strike’ in dutch is ‘slaan’, from the same old germanic root as schlagen.

  • judykomorita

    Along with Molly in #9, any other geezers remember this? (Spoken in a sing-song way)

    Mary had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell.
    Mary pulled the wrong cord and blew it all to –
    Hellllllo, operator, give me number 9.
    If you don’t, I’ll kick you in the –
    Behind the refrigerator was a piece of glass.
    Mary slipped and cut her –
    Assssk me no questions, tell me no lies.

    Sheesh, that sure welled up from the depths of decades ago.

    When my kids were growing up, I told them I didn’t care about shit/damn/hell words, but I would take umbrage at words that were feminine-specific. And they knew when to say them and when not to.

    Nothing I said, however, would keep them from using “bitch” in every other sentence. :(

    • Molly

      I sang that same song! (perhaps a generation later from the sound of it) There was more that went something like:

      Judy and her boyfriend
      Are kissing in the D-A-R-K-D-A-R-K-DARK, DARK
      Dark is like a movie
      A movie’s like a show
      A show is like a TV show
      And that is all I know
      I know my mother
      I know I know my Pa
      I know I know my sister with an 80-meter bra!

      It still makes me giggle.

  • Matthew

    Of course there is no way of and no advantage to keeping kids from learning “bad” words. When my kids were little we just made sure they knew which words were considered bad (and particularly bad for kids to use). They also took some delight in scolding us whenever we let one slip.

  • carolw

    Oh horrors! He’s outside his his boxer shorts, too! What if one of the neighbor children sees him! *faints*

  • Cynthia

    Remember “Bang, Bang, Rosie”?

    “Rosie went to the baseball game,
    the batter got a bunt,
    the ball bounced up to Rosie
    and hit her in the….

    Bang, bang, Rosie,
    Rosie bangs all day,
    who’s gonna bang for Rosie
    when Rosie goes away?”

    There were lots of verses, but you get the idea. It’s just part of childhood – the funny stuff contains the “bad” words. My kids still giggle sometimes when they hear “Duty” (slang for shit) and you should hear the laughs when you mentions Fuddruckers burger joint. I can get a smile from the most sullen kid with that one.

    OMM needs to get a life and get laid…

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

      Heh heh, “duty”…

  • Darkling

    There’s a ski field in NZ that I hope they never visit: “Whakapapa”

  • docslacker

    Here’s the song my kids learned in Scout Camp:

    Charlie had a pigeon, a pigeon, a a pigeon
    Charlie had a pigeon, a pigeon that flew
    It flew in morning,
    It flew in the night,
    And when it came home it was covered in

    The kids break into teams around the campfire and try to outshout each other with the son.
    Beavers vs. Cubs

    Then again, the Brits are less prudish, IMO