And so the nation crumbles

Three and a half years after taking office President Obama uttered a small collection of words long overdue.  He supports marriage equality.  Just in the nick of not soon enough.

I think this was done because, at long last, marriage equality has reached a point where it makes good political sense to endorse it.  Part of me is happy that the social rubric has evolved that far.  The other half of me would rather have a president who stands on proper principle than doing the right thing only once it’s been calculated to pay political dividends.

All the same, better late than never.  w00t!

So what now?  Well, Newt will undoubtedly dissolve his third straight marriage, not because he has his eye on someone else (again), but because now marriage is no longer special.  It’ll be like having an open marriage, just without the marriage.

I’ll also have to break up with Michaelyn. It’s ok, she’ll undoubtedly find some woman to shack up with before I can even break the news.  Besides, now that the president supports gays, I’m sudddenly far more attracted to Ian Cromwell and…ducks.  Who knew the legal maintenance of a state of inequality was keeping me from fucking anything that moves with no regard for love or loyalty?  Maybe I can move to North Carolina, where hate and bigotry keep love intact.

But the real boon?  We get to watch the hateful people professing to follow a god of love absolutely lose their shit at the idea that gays could one day have the same rights as them.

Enter Faux News.

Oh no, no, no.  That was was declared by the Republicans well over a decade ago.  The president, and the majority of Americans, have simply declared that we will fight it in the hopes that it will finally be resolved on the side of justice and equality – much to the chagrin of Jesus and the people too piss drunk on Christ to give a damn about human happiness.

FOX apparently heard the din of a whole nation laughing their asses off and decided to change their headline. It now reads…

Too bad some of us got screen caps.  Tee hee hee!

And even modified, it’s a huge crock.  Campaigning for a seat in the senate in 1996, Obama said

I favor legalizing same-sex marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages

I’m not the guy’s biggest fan, but that’s just plain bullshit.  By making his statement today, he did finally begin to make good on that promise and moved light years beyond the inaction we’ve been getting from him, but that’s a whole other story.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • B

    Personally, I have my eye on a cute little toaster I saw in the store the other day.

    • Dustin

      Don’t try to shower with it…

    • Zugswang

      Well, just remember, many toasters carry STDs that can result in 2nd and 3rd degree burns.

    • Tyrant of Skepsis

      Be careful, remember what Karl Agathon went through.

  • Kazim

    Wait, this can’t be right. Calling something a “war” is unpatriotic. I heard that somewhere.

  • Crommunist

    I’m not sure how I feel being a newly-viable option alongside animals.

    • Oscar

      You mean other animals.

    • Michaelyn

      Well I’m apparently not even good enough to keep around, so you’ve beat me.

  • Rich Stage

    Well, shit. I guess I have to get divorced now. I suppose since I am not an option for JT, I’ll have to find a nice lemur to settle down with.

  • sqlrob

    Light years ahead? Still supports state by state. Wouldn’t have made squat difference to NC.

    • Makoto

      Though I personally disagree with the state-by-state side of things, it seems it may come down to constitutional limits on powers right now. Obviously, I’m not sure if that’s why Obama said what he did about state’s rights, but legally, the federal gov’t may not be able to require recognition of same-sex marriage at this point, without intervention of Congress or the courts.

      Please, if someone knows how that is wrong, please let me know. I’m seeing this argument in a lot of places, and it seems logical as placed in legal terms, but I’d love to shoot it down.

      • Mike

        Constitution of the United States, Article 1 section 8: “The congress shall have the power to …. regulate cormmerce with foreign natios, and among the several states and with the Indian tribes.” Since marriage is essentially a contract between two interested parties dealing with amongst other things, property rights,I would say this applies. So the President can’t do a damn thing without congress passing a law.

    • R Johnston

      Quite. How low do a person’s hopes and standards have to be for “I personally support interracial marriage but Loving v Virginia was wrongly decided because states should do what they want” to be seen as some kind of courageous leap forward?

      Obama staked out the incoherent wishy-washy “moderate” “centrist” ground today. The incoherent wishy-washy “moderate” “center” has moved a bit left from where it once was, but it’s still the refuge of incoherent cowardly bigots.

  • Gregory in Seattle

    The flip-flop part comes from Obama stating, very clearly and on more than one occasion over the last four years, that he supports “traditional” marriage and believe that marriage should exist only between one man and one woman. He began to take that position during the 2008 campaign, and was making that assertion as recently as January of this year.

    So yes, Obama has changed his position on marriage equality twice now.

    • Alverant

      Yeah, but the whole “war on marriage” thing is bogus. It’s not going to convince anyone to change their vote. It’s probably geared toward ramping up the rhetoric against Obama and maybe even push some gun-hugger over the edge and try to do something.

  • KG

    I’m married, but I’m British, as is my spouse. Is my marriage included in Obama’s declaration of war?

  • Rich Stage

    Think your marriage was a blunder?
    Will it last? We don’t have to wonder.
    Dear Leader says he
    thinks gays should marry
    and now your vows will come asunder

  • jolo5309

    I’m sudddenly far more attracted to Ian Cromwell

    He lives in Canada, gay marriage is already allowed here…

  • julian

    If any presidential candidate appeared to a debate on a unicorn mount firing prismatic spray from both hands they’d have my vote.

  • Zengaze

    So there you go it’s official, Gay people can officially not get married. According to the fascist old xenophobe network Obama has declared war in his flip flops whilst agreeing with edwina that gays are alright by him. Another day in the wacky old USA.

  • Miryam

    I stopped thinking that marriage was special when the christians against gay marriage were saying so on the eve of marrying their husband while 6 months pregnant.

  • stubby

    It’s about god damn time Obama did this.

  • Robert B.

    Huh. This is nice and all. But really it just highlights the need for more stem cell research. After all, a fetus only needs a few months to grow a spine, not four years. Science should be tapping that potential.

    @ julian:

    He would almost have to get your vote. His opponents would all be killed, turned to stone, driven insane, and teleported to other planes.

  • Ani Sharmin

    I think it’s exciting that, as Michael Sure pointed out on The Young Turks ( a sitting president of the US declared support for same-sex marriage. It’s an historic moment, if nothing else. At the same time, he did say “personally” as was pointed out by Tricia Rose ( I feel like I should wait to see if he takes actions, or at the very least is willing to argue with the anti-same-sex marriage politicians about the issue.

    Too often, it feels like there’s an anti-LGBT side and there’s a let’s-give-LGBT-people-some-rights-but-continue-supporting-second-class-treatment side, but not very many politicians on the side of actual equality.

    And when I first saw that “Declares War on Marriage” headline, I thought it must be a photo-shopped image to make fun of Fox News, but then you said that’s what they posted before changing it. I really shouldn’t be surprised by the ridiculous nature of Fox News anymore, but it never ceases to amaze me that they can actually say that kind of stuff with a straight face.