The Avengers: almost better than watching the Vatican crumble

Never have I left a movie honestly tempted to immediately purchase a ticket for the very next showing of that movie before leaving the lobby.  Never…until The Avengers.  Holy shit that was a good flick.  I never thought a superhero movie would top watching DVDs of X-Men 3 and Daredevil get fed to a woodchipper, but watching The Avengers leaped over that bar with ease.

If you’ve not seen this movie, then whatever you’re doing right now, whether it’s getting married, having a baby, or playing the final match in the world chess championship, stop doing it and go fix your life.

This is yet another reason to love Joss Whedon.  Every page of dialogue had several of his trademark ornaments, and he wrote lines that were very believable coming not only from the characters but also the actors who played them.  There were no “mother fuckers” from Samuel L. Jackson, but there was one line that was clearly written for him.  The script was fantastic.  It always stayed perfectly balanced on the precipice of “too epic to be believed” without ever going over it.

Now let me level with you.  The light of the sun is pretty intense.  Being in the same vicinity as a tornado is also intense.  The action sequences in The Avengers are EXTREMELY FUCKING INTENSE!  And it’s not just fighting.  It’s just….gaaaah, everything!  Even Tony Stark fixing a plane had me on the edge of my seat.  So gewd!

What’s more, I’m really glad I went on this date with Michaelyn.  You see, I have a thing for intelligence.  I’m a huge sucker for brainy women, and Michaelyn is a burgeoning physicist.  On the way home this conversation took place.

Michaelyn:  I don’t know why they were so hung up on gamma rays the whole time.  For one, you can’t track anything by its gamma emissions.

Me:  Maybe it was giving out a lot of them?

Michaelyn:  Then all the people touching it throughout the movie would be fucked up.  “Gamma radiation” just means it’s throwing off high-energy electrons.  You can’t isolate the thing’s gamma radiation at that level because everything gives off that type of radiation.  The potassium in bananas gives off radiation.  It’d just get lost in all of it.  Either there wasn’t enough to hurt people, in which case they couldn’t track it that way, or none of those people should’ve been in the room in the beginning.

Me:  …it’s a red light.  Can we make out?

Michaelyn:  You’re twelve.

Me:  A twelve year old wouldn’t be this smooth.

Michaelyn:  Is that what you are?

Me:  No.

And then I pouted all the way home.

Great date.  Great movie.  Go see it.

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.