I get things in the mail. Usually it’s a Christian pamphlet of some kind or a copy of The Case for Whatthefuckever by Lee Strobel. One time received a book on how to tie people up. This was convenient in that it was less boring and more informative than Fifty Shades of Grey and also because that’s what I plan to do to the next person who mails me one of Lee Strobel’s shitty books.
It was a box containing nine extra-large boxes of raisin bran crunch. Nothing else. No card. No anthrax. Just enough fiber to put me into a delicious coma. The guitar neck was someone else’s.
I just…what? Thanks whoever sent this.