Topic Request: Polyamory (Blogathon 12/49)

If you don’t know already, you can request topics for me (or JT later) to write about! When you donate on the SSA webpage (link below) there is a place for you to request topics from a specific blogger. Feel free to leave requests. The bigger the donation, the more likely I or JT will be to write about it. We could both write about the same topic if you’d like to hear both perspectives. Totally cool with that.

My first requests is this: Your reaction when you tell people about your poly/monogamish relationship, and they say “I could never do that.”

First I suppose I should explain our current relationship status. JT and I are polyamorous and are both open to the idea of having other girlfriends/boyfriends/cuddle buddies/what have you. However, we’ve both decided to currently be monogamous. This is not out of obligation, and the option is always there if we feel differently later, but for right now we’re electing to be monogamous. This could change in the future. JT might meet a cute woman or I might want to go on a date with a guy I meet in Kansas. That’s fine. We’ll talk to each other about it if/when that happens. For now, we’re focusing on our relationship and neither of us is really looking to date anyone else at the moment.

Now, when I begin to explain polyamory to others, whether I’m explaining my own situation or just polyamory in general, the number one reaction is definitely, “I could never do that.”

My first reaction is, that’s just fine. Polyamory is not for everyone, and I understand why people would hesitate being in this situation. It makes you feel very vulnerable, it makes you have to talk very openly about things that might be hard to talk about, and you constantly have to check yourself for feelings of jealousy. That being said, I don’t think it’s fair to say, “I would never do that.” You really never know where life will take you. People change. A mere year or so ago, I probably would have said the same thing.

Then I met JT. He talks about polyamory with such ease and openness. He would happily tell you how he was dating a woman who also had a husband. That type of honesty intrigued me. When I started getting close to JT, he was very honest about everything from the start. I knew he was seeing other women, but that didn’t bother me. I look at it this way: just because JT loves other people doesn’t mean he loves me that much less. If the company of others makes him happy, why should I keep him from that?

It’s not perfect. The idea of ployamory is beautiful (in my opinion) but that doesn’t mean that it won’t take some work. There have been times when JT was with someone else, and I wanted to be the one he was with. Being in a long distance relationship makes that difficult as well. My time with JT is limited, so when others get time with him, it makes me wish I was there instead. The trick is, when I get those feelings, I tell JT. I don’t blame him for it and I try not to blame myself for it. We discuss how I feel, why I think I feel that way, and then we try to come up with a solution. We’re both still learning along the way.

So to those that could “never do that,” sure, maybe it wouldn’t work out for you. But maybe it would. Every relationship is different. Just be honest with yourself, and don’t be afraid to try new things. Over everything, do what makes you happy.

 

This is post 12 of 49 for Blogathon.

Total donors is at 226 (if we hit 300, campers get to pie us in the face)! That link also has some other ideas for pledging for Blogathon. :)

You can still donate to the SSA by supporting other blogathoners, art contributors, personal fundraising pages or through a direct donation to the SSA! SSA Week lasts through June 17th. Spread the word!

About michaelyn
  • http://onth3outsidecorner.wordpress.com/ otocump

    Wonderful. I wish I could add more to this, but I’ll add it to my list of ‘things I link people who are curious when I try to explain it’…er…list.

  • http://polyskeptic.com Wes

    Hmm… I tried to comment, but it didn’t go through. Short version was: “Like!”


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