Amphetamines in a bottle

Despite finally getting some sleep last night, I’m still having some physiological effects from my present struggles with mental illness.

Good things: I’m still able to eat and am not hallucinating.  Both generally happen when I’m struggling.  Take that, malfunctioning brain.

Shitty things:  Difficulty sleeping and inability to finish my workouts.  I’ve thrown up during my workouts the last two days and have been unable to finish them.  But I’m not pushing myself an insane amount, as I also tend to do when I’m at the bottom, so that’s good.

Anyway, at the gym today I thought I should drink something replenishing to help.  The gym was all out of Gatorade, so I grabbed an ABB Ripped Force Orange because it only had 90 calories.  I didn’t realize it was a carbonated drink (why the hell would anyone do that with a workout drink?) which probably contributed to me finishing my workout five minutes early and throwing up again.

And yet, right now I want to run a fucking marathon.

“Why is this?” I ask myself.  Then I check out the nutritional info of the ABB drink and find it has 200mg of caffeine.

“Is that a lot?” I wonder.  I don’t drink coffee or soda, so I don’t really know.  I looked up how much caffeine is in a Red Bull, since I’ve had a couple of those in my life and each time wound up in an impromptu head-butting contest with the masonry of the local library, so that would give me a basis for comparison.  How many ABB Ripped Forces would I have to drink to equal one Red Bull?

The answer?  2/5 of one.  ABB Ripped Force has 250% of the caffeine in a red bull.  I’d have to down two and a half red bulls to equal one of these things.

And at only 90 calories, you can conquer the globe and keep your washboard abs.  Find whatever laboratory unleashed these upon the world and give them a fucking Nobel Prize or two.

At this moment I’m pretty much convinced that the Hulk ain’t got shit on me.  If you’re hiding protein anywhere in your house, take your kids and leave your house right now before I run through your walls.  I want to invent a zombie virus just so I can fight an army of them.  Right now I literally lust after a knife fight with Rambo (where I would immediately throw away my knife).

My trainer texted me to tell me my appointment tomorrow is at 9:30am.

The truth apparently makes your heart explode.  No wonder religious people avoid it like the plague.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • neatospiderplant

    I don’t drink energy drinks because the times when most grab a redbull, I turn to coffee. I love coffee.

    I don’t see taurine in the ABB drink. Doesn’t the taurine in redbull enhance the caffeine effect? So if there’s no there’s 80g in redbull plus taurine, it might be closer to the strength of 200mg of just caffeine?

    The large coffee I drink everyday has 200mg of caffeine (and it’s a rare night shift where I don’t need another at some point in the night), so I don’t think 200mg is incredibly dangerous.

    If you don’t have a caffeine tolerance built up, though, I’m not surprised it’s hitting you so hard.

    • neatospiderplant

      * – “there’s no”

    • Azkyroth, Former Growing Toaster Oven

      Has taurine ever been shown to have an effect? Most of the herbal stuff hasn’t.

      • neatospiderplant

        To be honest, I have no idea. I’m going by what my coworkers say/do. Although most nights they stick to coffee, many of them will grab a redbull when they get especially tired, I assumed that meant they found it more effective than coffee. So if they find the 80mg of caffeine plus taurine more effective than the 200mg of caffeine, it must be effective right? I mean, nothing beats annecdotal evidence, right?

        • Jeremy

          Taurine does jack and crap for energy. It might be effective for a few specific conditions, but only if you have them. In general though, it’s non-essential, so most people shouldn’t need any of it.

  • Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    I’ll have to bear that drink in mind next time I pull an all-nighter at the codeface. Or maybe not; It sounds lethal.

  • Alex S.

    Good old Ripped Force. It used to contain Ephedra (ma huang) before it was outlawed. You would’ve been ready to physically fight Yahweh if was still an ingredient.

    Maybe it was a placebo effect, but I really felt like I could push out extra reps on that stuff.

    • Loqi

      I’m always ready to physically fight Yahweh. Unfortunately, he never shows, so I have to symbolically fight him by eating toast with his likeness on it.

  • ottod

    I looked at your ABB** link, and it looks to me like there are 373 mg of stuff that may not actually be real, so you just have to take it on faith that they’re there.

    It’s probably the faith-based ingredients that are upsetting your stomach.

  • Improbable Joe

    I once suffered a severe depressive episode while taking diet pills and drinking lots of caffeinated beverages, and since my depression expresses itself in insomnia, I was up for something close to 8 days on less than 2 hours of sleep a day. By the end of it I was having auditory hallucinations and I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing a couple of times.

  • Josh R.

    Speaking of Amphetamines in a bottle: When I was first prescribed Adderal(Amphetemines!!!) for my ADHD it was as an adult. An adult that drinks coffee sometimes. An adult that had the foresight to ask his psychiatrist whether drinking coffee would be a bad idea while taking said amphetamines. My doctor said no.


    It was quite the rush.
    Since then I’ve gained a tolerance and I don’t get that effect any more but that first time… whew. Makes me sweat just thinking about it.

    • ischemgeek

      ^ Pretty much the same experience for me. Protip: Mixing that with a sugar rush is probably a bad idea. Unless you like making your coworkers ask what you’re on and whether you’ve taken enough or too much (actually,justtookitwithaconflictingdrug,butthanksforasking!).

      See also: Continuing caffeine at self-medication-level doses when on adderal = bad idea. XD

    • M Groesbeck

      I had the same thing with extended-release methylphenidate (Concerta, also Ritalin when non-extended-release). This was, incidentally, how I found out that Sunkist puts caffeine in their diet orange soda.

  • Todd Armstrong

    Remember that brand when you have to face the zombie apocalypse. And please bring enough for the rest of us. So we can help you. Because there are so many of us who would.

  • F


  • kaboobie

    Yikes! I’ve never had an energy drink; I don’t even drink coffee. I’m addicted to Coke, though. I’ve pretty much weaned myself down to one small (8 oz) can per day, in the interest of limiting calories. I can’t drink Diet Coke because artificial sweeteners give me digestive problems.

    When I’m in Atlanta for Dragon*Con, all restrictions are off! The shop at the Hilton has the best deal on 20 oz bottles (2 for $3), so I wind up drinking 40 oz per day (more if you factor in the occasional rum and coke).