I want to start with talking trash about how good the Raiders are going to be. Then I just can’t bring myself to be that dishonest.
Then I want to talk about how there’s a real chance they’ll make the playoffs this year. Ditto.
There’s so much turmoil and a new, untested head coach in Dennis Allen, not to mention Jacoby Ford hobbling around in crutches after the preseason loss to Arizona. Darren McFadden (or, as he’s commonly called in the NFL, “please don’t run the fuck over me”) is a beast when he’s healthy, so maybe he can play a whole season without getting sidelined with an injury. And maybe Tim Tebow will play nude.
So let’s talk about two teams I’ll be rooting hard for this year that I ordinarily wouldn’t care about: Cincinnati and Detroit. Both are perpetual losers, and I love rooting for an underdog. But in a league full of underdogs, why root for these two? Because they both might be good this year. Both Andy Dalton and Matthew Stafford showed a lot of promise last year and have the pieces in place to score a lot of points if their defenses can hold up.
Likewise, I have to root against Dallas (which shouldn’t be hard this year, though I’d love to see Felix Jones have a good year) and Pittsburgh. I get so tired of hearing their fans. You know where you find Cincy fans? Around Cincinnati. You know where you find Colts fans? Indiana. You know where you find Cowboys and Steelers fans? Fucking everywhere, because they were good a decade ago (or, in Pittsburgh’s case, they’re still good). The tribes of bandwagon fans of the 80s and 90s drive me nuts, and so I must yearn for their teams to taste defeat. (If you’re from around Dallas or Pittsburgh, you get a pass, but I still hope your teams get clobbered)
I also don’t envy Michaelyn. She’s a fan of the Jets who conspicuously picked up quarterback wannabe (and Jesus wannabe), Tim Tebow. I want to cheer for my darling’s team, but can’t bring myself to do it. Michaelyn and I even have a bet. I’m betting that Tim Tebow will start a game over Sanchez, not due to injury or any extraneous circumstances, but because the coaching staff will elect to start him. At that point, we can take a pool on how any picks he’ll throw while masquerading as an NFL QB. Who do you think is the sucker in this bet?