Lebron James: savior of all humankind

The commentators for the Olympics crack me up.  HOLY SHIT IT’S OVERCAST IN LONDON!

Also, as much of a fan of basketball that I am, I can’t watch the USA play.  I don’t like Lebron James.  I think he’s self-absorbed and I think what he did to the Cavs was shittier than a litterbox.  But oh, the commentators can’t get enough of the guy.  The USA has 50 points?  Somehow Lebron has scored 52.  I can’t go thirty freaking seconds without being reminded of how strong Lebron is or how high he can jump.  The people commenting on Olympic basketball are in a perpetual state of crawling even further up Lebron James’ ass and it drives me nuts.

Yeah, the guy’s a great player, but you realize there are eleven other players on the team, right?

Seriously, I have to hear this crap when Lebron is on the bench and Kevin Durant is lighting up the opposition.  Durant will make a brilliant play and they’ll immediately start talking about what a good passer Lebron is.

I swear to FSM, he’s the Chuck Norris of the Olympics: other athletes don’t win, Lebron just allows them to not lose.  You know why we didn’t take gold in gymnastics?  Because Lebron was busy playing basketball and couldn’t be bothered to use his powers to warp time.  We don’t need an Olympic team, we just need one fucking Lebron James playing every sport.  I want to be just like the guy, so when I’m behind the wheel of my car I do it like Lebron: I drive through everybody.   Lebron for emperor of the world.


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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.