More update

August 17, 2012 By 11 Comments

Between naps and sleep last night, I got eleven hours of sleep.  I’ve napped a couple times today already and feel like I could sleep forever.  :)

I got through my workout today without throwing up and did the whole thing.

I’m not great, but I’m certainly not in the dire shape I was this whole last week.  I’m on the mend.

The main thing that has brought me out of it was speaking with a counselor and controlling my environment.  It’s felt like I’ve put myself in a clean room, where only the good stuff can get in.  Starting next week I’m going to have to leave the clean room, but I’m hoping I will have gotten well enough to do so.  I’m thinking I will have.

Once again, writing about this stuff is difficult, but there’s a utility to it.  Coming out about things that bear a stigma helps normalize it throughout the rest of society.  Having support from all the people who read this site, in such touching amounts, has helped me so much.  I didn’t just have people reassuring me that I am valued in their lives, I had people offering to help cover medical bills.  I even had a few people offer to come pick me up and take care of me.  My gratitude cannot be exaggerated.

Thank you.  All of you.  Thank you so much.  There cannot be a god, because he never would’ve let a hellion like me get so lucky.

Filed Under: Mental Illness 11 Comments
  • eric

    There cannot be a god, because he never would’ve let a hellion like me get so lucky.

    Au contraire, for this world to be maximally good requires Him healing you from the worst possible horrors, because only by healing you from the worst could He show just how much He loves you. Of course, to do that He first had to inflict those horrors on you. So the fact that you have a horrible illness is proof there is a maximally benevolent God.

    And yeah, some theologians actually reason that way. Here’s the money quote:

    perhaps all the best possible worlds contain incarnation and atonement, or at any rate atonement. But any world that contains atonement will contain sin and evil and consequent suffering and pain. Furthermore, if the remedy is to be proportionate to the sickness, such a world will contain a great deal of sin and a great deal of suffering and pain.

    See there? The best worlds require great atonement. But great atonement requires great suffering which can be atoned. So when He inflicts great suffering on you, its because that’s the only way He can really demonstrate how much He loves you.

  • Dana Hunter

    Yay being on the mend! We’re still available if venturing from the clean room means needing backup – you just tell us where and when.

    BTW, M. Master Chef, I haz recipes. Easy peasy ones. You want I should start posting them for ye?

  • neatospiderplant

    Here, have more hugs! Glad you’re feeling better-ish. I hope you go from better-ish to better real soon.

    I’m really glad you are brave enough to write about your struggles. It has definitely helped my understanding of mental illness. I have two friends and a couple extended family members that are bipolar and/or have depression and it’s helped open a dialogue for me to say to them “So I read on this blog that…” or “I saw this video from skepticon 4…” as a way for me to bring it up and ask them about their experiences and let them know that I don’t see them as weak for having a mental illness or for being on medication for their illness, I see them as brave for kicking mental illness in the junk everyday. I’m really grateful that through sharing, you’ve given me that ability to understand them a little better by being so open about it. Any money I would have donated toward your medical expenses would definitely have helped bridge the gap in the debt I feel I owe you, if for nothing else, giving me that insight.

    Never doubt that you are helping change the world.

    Thanks again!

  • http://peopleofpublictransport.wordpress.com Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Internet hi-five!

    Was “About the Author” (sidebar, right) altered while under the influence of that abomination of an “energy drink” you had yesterday?

  • Dantalion

    Glad to hear your doing a bit better JT.

  • http://reddyforthis.blogspot.com Rebecca W

    “Once again, writing about this stuff is difficult, but there’s a utility to it.”

    True stuff.

    Glad you are feeling better JT. Small steps :)

  • Cunning Pam

    I’m very glad you’re doing better, and that you keep us all posted.

  • smhll

    I appreciate that you are willing to be open and share what you are going through.

  • F

    Fantastic! More power to ya. (And internet hugs, if your internet ribcage isn’t sore already.)

  • CC

    So glad to hear you’re feeling better! I get crazy when I haven’t been sleeping well too. In fact, I think the most important key to my sanity is adequate sleep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1698151270 John-Henry Beck

    Glad to hear you’re feeling better, JT. Have some hugs.
    I’m still enjoying your writing, too.