If only people knew that consequences could pop up at any time.

My roommate, Cambridge, is freaking awesome.  She’s also part of an online dating website called OKCupid.  The other day she got a message from a guy that she attempted to turn into an educational opportunity for the dude.

See, I can understand the talk about penis size.  For both Cambridge and myself, naughty bits and sex are simply not a taboo subject.  But if you’re going to adopt a pet name for someone you don’t know, that’s pretty lame.  It’s a form of subtle condescension.  Cambridge expressed this and got an all-too common response.

Now, I’m not going to say this guy is a MRA or a rape-apologist.  I don’t have that information, and I don’t believe the solution to this kind of thing is screaming at someone based on information you don’t have.  What I will say is that calling a woman a cunt in response to her expressing a dislike for being called “cutie pie” by some guy she doesn’t know is both not cool and, sadly, far too typical.  I know this guy’s not a particularly rare breed.

The problem is that there’s no real system in place for him to get the message that this is not cool.  They generally know they can get away with this stuff on the internet with no repercussion.  Wouldn’t it be nice if just once someone like this got reminded that being bad can have unexpected consequences like getting flooded with trolls and disapproval?  It’d make me smile.

Moral: be a good person, even when it won’t get you sex and even when nobody is looking, otherwise some guy on the internet might direct a few thousand people to your page.

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • christinastephens

    This is why women learn to soften even the most gentle criticism of some people with smily faces and complement sandwiches.

    • One Who Knows

      JT has a short dick. Thats why hes blowing this off.

  • Azkyroth

    Too bad the Scumbag Steve hat is sold out.

  • Rory

    Haha, JT, you’re an evil bastard. I love it!

  • Icaarus

    She sounds like she has one of my top requirements (in friends, dates, etc) – command of the english language. He sounds like he doesn’t even have command of his feet.

  • Julie

    I totally put this up on Pinterest. I hope it gets around!

  • onamission5

    Why is it so hard for so many guys to just type, “oh, okay, sorry?”

  • Ronixis

    What I don’t understand is just who sees “47% Match, 7% Friend, 57% Enemy” and thinks this is a good person to start a conversation with in the first place. I think those stats have to be fairly close on each side, if not equal.

    • Parse

      It’s the carpet bombing approach. Drop stinkers into as many inboxes as you can, hope that you find somebody who actually responds positively to that crap, and completely disregard any collateral damage you may have caused.

  • Anonymous

    Its not okay, cupid.

  • McNihil

    I am not on OKCupid so I’m not sure how that site works but I followed your link and looked at that dude’s profile. Here’s something I found:

    1.) If you’re tall. I love tall girls.
    2.) If you drink a lot or do drugs. I don’t do drugs, but I love bad girls who do.
    3.) If you’re sort of slutty. I like sluts, what can I say?

    Reading that, I think Cambridge should have expected nothing but douchebaggery from that guy.

    • https://twitter.com/PandyFacklering Cambridge

      Didn’t even go to his profile. I try to answer general education-type questions when people send me messages because I’m a Nice Guy.

      • Rory

        I’d say he’s going to learn something from this.

        • Azkyroth

          Don’t underestimate the power of Teh Stupid.

    • Anonymous Atheist

      And I’d tend to think that choosing to call oneself a ‘Swindler’ up front isn’t a good sign either. ;)

      • Baal

        I agree. It’s probably bias from playing on line games (for me) but when someone has a name like ‘Swindler’ or xxAwesomexx, it’s time to go the other way.

  • Steph

    Ah, Cambridge, I feel your pain. I told off a dude from OKC who somehow found it okay to give candy to children in his neighborhood and let them follow him home. At that point, we hadn’t met in person but were talking via IM. I blocked him, at which point he established a new account just to be able to message me again and to take the opportunity to call me a ‘worthless gimp cunt’. Winner all over the place, that one.

  • http://polyskeptic.com Wes

    Okcupid is the reason we came up with the term dick stump.

  • anteprepro

    Yeah, I’m not even sure if I want to know what some of the rejections of Entitled Menz on dating websites looks like. There is probably piles and piles and piles of vicious, spittle-flecked, hateful bullshit that women have to deal with on those sites for the high crime of not being interested in Entitled Man #9348275. I mean, holy shit.

  • Bruce McGlory

    Please tell me she didn’t let that last comment slide by without response. What a fucking douchenozzle that little turd is.

  • Droopy

    I’m not too familiar with the mechanisms of OKC, because I haven’t used it since I was lucky enough to find a real person on there 1yr9mo ago, but isn’t there a way to report someone to the OKC authorities? Hopefully there is because that would help at least a little bit in ridding the internet of terrible people.

  • John Horstman

    Huh, I should maybe update my OKC profile. Also, I’m finding it odd that asking to meet someone for coffee after exchanging a few messages was called “forward” when this sort of shit goes down. I’m yet to actually meet someone through the site – all of the women who have agreed to dates have stood me up. Perhaps I need to talk about my short penis more? O.o
    In all seriousness, I put in some honest effort for a while, and had zero results. I basically ignore the site these days, even on the rare occasion I get an alert for a highly-compatible match checking my profile (a year of inactivity drastically reduced the hit rate).