How effective are tin foil hats?


Do you frequently find that you need to keep aliens from reading your brainwaves? It happens. Luckily, the research has already been done by a team at MIT, concerning just how effective a good tin foil hat is at safeguarding your grey matter.

Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject)

Great! Our precious brainwaves are safe!

Clearly a man who carefully follows scientific studies.

Is there a graph? You bet your ass there is!

….helmets exhibited a marked 20 db attenuation at around 1.5 Ghz, with no significant attenuation beyond 10 db anywhere else.

Graphs: Make data more awesome by at least 200%. You can trust graph experts on this because….they have a graph.

So overall, it looks like Tin Foil Technology keeps your brains safe from…whatever it is people are worried about. There is one small caveat though. While the stunning fashion statement does decrease the strength of *most* radio signals, there are a few areas on the bandwidth spectrum that tin foil hats actually increased the signal.  They’re obscure though, probably nothing to worry about there.


The helmets amplify frequency bands that coincide with those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. According to the FCC, These bands are supposedly reserved for ”radio location” (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites



(The “study” came out in 2005, I just found it this week and felt it was hilarious.)

On a totally unrelated note: Walrus video.
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You can find me on twitter, @DrDavidBurger

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About doctorburger
  • RuQu

    Tin foil hats are all a conspiracy by the government to make us more susceptible to mind control!

    *Quickly crafts and dons a balsa wood hat.*

  • UsingReason

    You need to stop messing around and make a Faraday Cage Helmet; I believe there is an eHow for reference. (I’m not joking)

    • RuQu

      Everyone knows that Faraday was in on the conspiracy. Faraday cages block out EM radiation with wavelengths on the order of the spacing, but they do nothing to block resonances within the aether. Balsa wood, on the other hand, is known to create an aetheric deadzone within any properly formed concavity. This can be properly scaled to fit a human head, which is not a coincidence. Our heads and bodies were specifically designed by the Ascended Masters to align with the properties of aetheric resonance, both for control and protection.

  • Loqi

    This is why I make my hats out of plasma.

    • IslandBrewer

      Biological plasma or physics plasma?

      • Stogoe

        Biological plasma turned into physics plasma. Obviously.

  • ZenDruid

    I don’t use the things. I tried it once, and the Illuminati immediately cut the power to my neighborhood.

    • RuQu

      That’s a great name for a power company.

  • panamafloyd

    Reception of GPS and satellite frequencies is actually *improved*? Oh, the nutcases are going to panic.
    “THEY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND CAN TRACK YOU FROM ORBIT!!” I think I’ll stay away from Usenet for a few days.

  • Matthew A. Harmer

    So I should build a tinfoil hat for my GPS?