The joke that could’ve been.

Sorry I have to leave early tonight.  I have to cook dinner and get married so my children don't start shooting up public places.I woke up this morning with a plan: I was going to write the most outlandish post I could imagine just to see if people would believe it.  I went into the transcript from the second presidential debate and remembered Mitt Romney’s strange answer to the issue of gun control.

“But let me mention another thing. And that is parents. We need moms and dads, helping to raise kids. Wherever possible the — the benefit of having two parents in the home, and that’s not always possible. A lot of great single moms, single dads. But gosh to tell our kids that before they have babies, they ought to think about getting married to someone, that’s a great idea.

Because if there’s a two parent family, the prospect of living in poverty goes down dramatically. The opportunities that the child will — will be able to achieve increase dramatically.”

Because clearly, it’s the children not born under Romney’s narrow definition of marriage (such as single moms who decided not to stay with an abusive husband and are raising their child as a single parent) that are inclined to violence.  The implication is that violence in kids is the result of less-than-ideal parenting (with the ideal being a dad and a mom, regardless of how talented or shitty they are as parents).

Ok, so how to undermine this?  I could have his son buy an AK-47!  No, that’s too believable.  I could have his son threaten to shoot the President!  Tempting, but would probably get me a visit from the Secret Service.  I know!  I could have one of Mitt Romney’s sons go on a radio program and tell the hosts that during the same debate in which his father blamed violent children on the parents, that he wanted to punch the President of the United States of America!

Holy shit, this is gold!  Before writing it though, let’s see what’s in the news today

Appearing on the Bill Lumaye Show, a North Carolina radio program, Tagg Romney — one of Mitt Romney’s five sons — said that he wanted to rush the stage and “take a swing” at President Obama during the debates. Transcript:

BILL LUMAYE: I’m going to ask something I think a lot of people want to know, or at least I do. What is it like for you to hear the President of the United States call your dad a liar. How do you react to that?

TAGG ROMNEY: Jump out of your seat and you want to rush down to the debate stage and take a swing at him. But you know you can’t do that because… Well, first there is a lot of Secret Service between you and him but also because this is the nature of the process.

Satire is dead.  Thanks Republicans.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


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