A father responds to his transgender child

Steven here…
We see a lot of stories of parents that don’t know how to be compassionate. Kicking out and belittling their LBGT kids is sadly one of the more common things we see.

One of my cousins is transgender. She recently made a post about how happy she was to be able to jettison the male name she grew up with. Here is her father’s reaction and her reply.


My uncle:

“It will be very hard for me. However, nothing compared to what you have and are going through. I love you no matter what and will do my best. It is difficult to lose my son but a content and happy daughter will help.”

My cousin:

“I love you more than words could ever possibly convey. I feel so fortunate to have you in my life and you as a father. I wish everyone going through something like this could be so lucky.”

I got teary-eyed when I saw that. Here’s the deal though, that should be the rule, not the exception. If you think that disowning someone is good parenting, you’re doing it wrong. I am very proud of my uncle and inspired by my cousin.

I write a lot of jokes. Some of them are in this book.
I also host the podcast of the Skepchick events team, Some Assembly Required, and cohost the WWJTD Podcast.
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  • http://iamdanmarshall.com Dan Marshall

    Dude, I’m about to cry, and it’s only 9am in the morning here. Too early to have my heartstrings tugged like this! All joking aside, your uncle deserves a high five for being a great dad. Glad that your cousin is getting the support that she deserves!

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  • fwtbc

    Steven, could you please add alt text to the image? I can’t see it and the lack of alt text means there’s a great big whole in this post and the most important part is missing.

    And a typo alert, you’ve left an “s” out of transgender in the post title.

    • http://csdphumor.com geekysteven

      Fixed. Thanks!

      • fwtbc

        Thanks. Appreciated.

    • Glodson

      It says: “It will be very hard for me. But nothing compared to what you have and are going through. I love you no matter what and will do my best. It is difficult to lose a son, but a content and happy daughter will help.”

      Her response is: ” I love you more than words could ever possibly convey. I feel so fortunate to have you in my life and as a father. I wish everyone going through this could be so lucky.”

      • Glodson

        Damnit, I was trying to be helpful. Curse my slowness!

        oh well.

  • Glodson

    I didn’t pay attention to the picture next to the headline, the headline just caught my eye. So I braced myself for the worst, braced myself for another heartbreaking article about parental abandonment, just ready for the worst. And this was the complete opposite of what I expected. Good for that father, and I think you nailed it when you said this should be the rule, not the exception. We should live in a world where this reaction is not noteworthy because it is common, it is the expected. I think we’re getting there, but until then good for that dad. I hope he enjoys spending time with his newly found daughter.

  • Jenna

    My dad is the absolute best; what can I say :) for the record: I do agree with Glodson; we are getting there. For every transitoning friend I have with non supportive parents; there’s at least one with supportive parents. It’s taking a lot longer than what’s ideal, but I am hopeful that this does become the norm.

    • http://csdphumor.com geekysteven

      <3<3<3

  • iknklast

    Things are changing for the better. I got disowned by my grandparents because I chose to live with a man who loved me over parents who beat me.

  • Rilian

    My mom is supportive of *other* people being trans. Like chaz bono, and any other trans guest on oprah. But me? No, she doesn’t believe that *I* could be trans.

  • Loqi

    I read the title of the post and made some assumptions about what was inside. I was not prepared.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

    I’m not crying, there’s…. there’s something in my eye, man.

  • Liberated Liberal

    This is the kind of parenting that will produce a healthy, happy and stable society. I cried happy, sappy tears, and I was feeling angry today.

  • Drakk

    Dear Christians, this is what real love looks like.

  • Tigger_the_Wing

    Thank you for that uplifting and wonderful post. As a transgender person myself, it made me very, very happy. And you posted it on the 3rd – which was my birthday, thus I’ll think of it as a particularly awesome birthday present. =^_^=

  • Brad

    Mate… your uncle is an awesome Dad. If only everyone could be as fortunate in their family.

  • http://teethofthebuzzsaw.blogspot.com Buzz Saw

    “Here’s the deal though, that should be the rule, not the exception.”

    Actually…I think the rule should be “Meh! It’s not a bfd.” I guess the line that lost me a bit was “It will be very hard for me.” The goal should be for this stuff to be easy.

    But this is certainly better than it could be and your uncle is certainly ahead of his time. I’m not trying to take away from that fact.

    • John Horstman

      Yeah, that was sort of my reaction too. While that’s WAY better than the present norm and pretty damn good in its own right, I never really get why a child transitioning would be difficult for a parent. Maybe just anticipating watching other people treat the child poorly? I know in some cases it’s because the parent feels ze has a right to control hir child or dictate terms of hir existence, which isn’t okay. But, yeah, still a very good outcome.

  • Alison

    What a very touching blog! Because of what we have been discussing in my psych class I have been reading on transgender and I feel this is an excellent view for a father to have. Of course I wish this was always the case. Sometimes people are just too harse and judging of others. I think your Uncle is an amazing father and I wish your cousin best wishes!!!

  • http://www.paganfm.com Deirdre Hebert

    Thank you for posting this. I’m a trans woman, and haven’t been met with the compassion and love that your cousin has experienced. Where some almost cried reading this, I did cry. Not just because I wish I could have in my family the love and acceptance you have in yours, but more because your family shows me that there is real reason for hope.
    Once again, thank you for sharing this.


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