Comment roundup 11/2.

A boat with cargo stacked too high and falling over that reads "your shipment of fail has arrived."Here are some winning (in the Charlie Sheen sense) comments from this last week.

Up first

MAY YOU LEAVE THIS EARTH SCREAMING THE NAME OF THE GOD YOU “PISSED” ON!

I feel like LYNNE HENRY (her caps) is inviting me to die while having absolutely amazing sex.  I’m all for it.  However, I do not scream the name of any deities in the sack.  That would be blasphemous.

Next is homerjo7:

Please do not be as one sided & asinine as Huckabee is & group ALL Christians into the same category.

Yes I have faith & I believe.

NO I DO NOT agree with much of the stupidity that comes from people who are supposedly “good” Christians. It is obvious that many of the so called “good” Christians have no idea of what Christianity really is & what it is about.

Oh BTW – I am much more of a deist than anything. Which would fit in with our founding fsthers ideas very well.

BTW2 – Huckabee is simply a festering boil on the buttocks of humanity!!

I will lump all of them into the same category, they deserve to be there.  Sure, your beliefs are different, but that’s not the category I’m talking about.  Nobody thinks all Christians believe the same things (which is a knock against the clarity of a god who supposedly wants to accurately convey his message).  However, I do think they’re all irrational.

I don’t care if your beliefs about god are different from Mike Huckabee’s.  I care whether or not they’re more likely to be true.  Got anything on that front?  If not, that should worry you.  Faith is intellectual laziness whether it’s in your hands or the hands of the most ardent fundamentalist.

Next we have pmkpeme:

If one cannot control his sexual urge then he can always not control his behavior in other areas of life. Infact he will always fall into temptation and sell his birth right like the biblical Esau in Genesis 25:31-34. Gullible leaders are dangerous. They can always sell their people to Satan.

Yup, inability to control sexual urges means no control in other areas.  All those Christians who fail their virginity pledges?  They’re undoubtedly stealing all kinds of shit they want.

“Gullible leaders are dangerous” says the guy dispensing advice who believes a Canaanite Jew rose from the dead.  Thanks for being the voice of reliability, pmkpeme.

Bringing up the rear is Vick.

God is good, God is love, God is great, God is kind, God is strong, God is creative, God is mercy, God is smart, God is justice, God is cool, God is victory, God is everything, God is honest, and God will always be God. For those of you that like to insult Him and think He is nothing at all, God is perfect in all ways and there is no one like Him. God is the best and yet He is humble, which just makes Him more beautiful. The devil does not hold a candle to Him. But the devil was clever enough to fool a bunch of people throughout time with his misguided compassion and worldly bologna. In the world, there is good and evil. And the truth will set you free!!!! God really loves everyone. God bless everyone.:)

God is good when children are born with mental retardation.

God is love when he created hurricanes that end or ruin lives.

God is great, but cannot conceive a plan for salvation that doesn’t involve murdering his son.

God is kind, but he leaves cancer hanging around.

God is strong, but not strong enough to show his face.

God is creative in all the ways he’s dreamed for humans to suffer.  Thankfully, with things like hurricanes and many sicknesses, humanity has been more creative than god.  We’ve had to be to survive.

God is mercy, just not to all the starving children across the world praying non-stop for food.

God is smart, but couldn’t figure out how to be clear enough with his message so that people would get it.

God is justice, yet he punishes me because someone else ate a fucking apple.

God is cool, and totally rad!  Stay a virgin and don’t be gay.  So hip.

God is everything, and since not everything is merciful, loving, good, great, kind, strong, smart, just, or cool, that creates a bit of a conundrum, doesn’t it?

God is honest.  2 Thessalonians 2:11: “For this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie.”

God will always be god.  That’s really deep, Vick.

God is perfect in all ways, but if humans act the same as god they’re monsters.  Eternal punishment for finite crime?  How about you beat the shit out of your kid when they’re 25 because they missed curfew once.

God is the best, yet any human could conceive a better universe than his.

God is humble, but demands you love him and make him top priority in your life.

Which just makes him beautiful, as beautiful as a guy who failed to act while his son was murdered can be.

The devil does not hold a candle to him…thank god.

The devil fooled us through misguided compassion…yes, that darn compassion is certainly our vice.

“God bless everyone!”  No thanks.  I don’t want to be around that guy.  Also, your comment was asinine.  You clearly didn’t think through a word of it, you just regurgitated it thinking that this was noble.  In this case, being an ardent defender of the lord is tantamount to being a ventriloquist dummy: easily manipulated and just as thoughtless.  Your faith has told you that this is the best to which you can aspire.  That’s depressing and insulting to you. Do better.  Ditch this shit.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com The Schwa

    Comment on a thread about comments? My mind is blown.

    • http://IAmDanMarshall.com Dan

      Yo dawg… etc, etc

  • John Horstman

    For the first one, that was my thought too! I’m not really into watersports, but it seems like a pretty low price of admission to go out fucking a god!

    Two copy notes: “God is good when children are born with mental retardation.”
    “God is justice, yet he punishes me because someone else ate a fucking apple.”

  • Loqi

    “God will always be god”
    Tautologies will always be true.

  • Glodson

    I like the ones with random caps lock parts. I read those like Austin Powers just coming out of cryo. They SEEM TO BE having difficulty CONTROLLING THE VOLUME of their voices.

  • Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    MAY YOU LEAVE THIS EARTH SCREAMING THE NAME OF THE GOD YOU “PISSED” ON!

    What a lovely sentiment, JT! I, too, hope you one day get to ride a rocket into outer space. You might even blaspheme with relish as you do so. I certainly intend to scream something liberating as the G-forces press down on me as I approach escape velocity if I get the chance!

  • http://improbablejoe.blogspot.com Improbable Joe

    If you could piss on the god in question, that would be EVIDENCE THAT IT EXISTS!!! So come on, pray that your god materializes in urinals at all the atheist events over the next year or three, and there would be no more atheists.

    • NightRaith

      “NIGHTRAITH”
      Whats that?
      “NIGHTRAITH DOWN HERE”
      What the Hell?
      “I AM GOD”
      If you’re God why are you in a urinal?
      “THALL SHALT NOT QUESTION THE LORD I WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS”
      That’s always been a crappy answ…
      “AND DESPITE WHAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE WRITTEN, I’M REALLY INTO THAT KINKY SHIT
      Dafuq!?

      • Drakk

        2gods1cup.


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