Ladies will love this gift.

I’m chilling around Christina’s house while she’s at work, but she forwarded me this.  She’s on the mailing list for the American Family Association, presumably because she enjoys pain.

This is what they sent her:

From: American Family Association <>
Date: Fri, Nov 2, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Subject: Ladies will love this gift!

Because the kitchen is where ladies belong.  Her husband is probably out doing something manly like giving a sermon, or making more money.  Unless her hubby is Dinesh D’Souza, in which case he’s nailing a woman who is married to someone else or preaching about the sinfulness of infidelity.  Probably not both at the same time though.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Glodson

    I think that would look good on me. I need a decent apron for when I cook manly meals out of my manliness but I feel a woman’s touch to my cooking wardrobe would help. And the fact that a guy would be wearing it might bother some of those people helps. Too bad that would require giving the money, so I can’t do it.

    • Nate Frein

      I could have fun cooking some holiday meals wearing that apron. And nothing else.

      And of course, take some nice pics to send to the AFA :D

      • otrame

        OMFSM, that is a BRILLIANT idea. Except for the part about sending those evil fuckers any money.

        How about this. Take pictures of yourself cooking in nothing but an apron you get somewhere else and with a note that your apron is better than their apron.

        • UsingReason

          It’s called photoshop!!

        • Nate Frein

          I have a nice frilly pink one I’ve been meaning to use.

          Or I could always use the Wallace and Gromit one I have. “Everything seems to be under control” would be an interesting message to send them.

  • jenea

    Actually, I bet “both at the same time” is the right answer. Imagine the titillation!

  • invivoMark

    Oh, those buttons…. (Am I immature? Probably.)

    • AJ

      I thought the buttons were the gift the ladies would love.

    • greg1466

      Aren’t we all at times? Immature that is. Now combine the button double entendre with the suggestion of wearing JUST the apron…by a man…and THEN send the pictures to the AFA! How fast do you think they’ll pull the add?

      • Nate Frein

        The picture would have to include licking white icing off fingers. With a bit that “missed” the mouth…

  • otrame

    OMFFSM I just read the button. I may sue the AFA because I think I just seriously hurt myself.

    • Glodson

      I missed that Jesus came for me.

      And the AFA has a problem with Gay Marriage?! Tsk tsk.

  • Loqi

    I wonder if that means he came for me in person. Because I don’t remember the encounter, and that seems like something I’d remember. Did he slip me something? It’s in character for him, since he/his dad impregnated his mother without her consent.

    Or maybe he was just getting in his daily wrist exercise and thinking about me. That makes me wonder: does he do it the normal way, or does he get freaky with the holes in his hands?

    • Glodson

      So that’s what the Hymn “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” meant.

      • Drakk

        My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord.

    • JohnH

      “his dad impregnated his mother without her consent.”
      Not so much, she gave her consent:
      Luke 1:38 “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

      • Nate Frein

        Because if someone with the power to strike you dead with a word says “open your legs” you’re gonna say no…

      • Greg G.

        Luke 1:35 says “The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you” so she consented to a splooge, which would be considered safe sex but not for him to come IN her.

      • Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

        Hey, mortal girl. Your culture (which follows my pattern laid out in holy scripture) says you have to meekly submit to male authority and whaddaya know – I am male! What a coincidence! Yeah, and you have been told all your life you have to obey me because I am the Lord YOUR God, I created you and I can obliterate you with a thought. Remember Hell? Just throwing that out there. Oh, and remember those stories you heard about Job? I really liked him, so imagine what I do to uppity bitches who leave me with a case of blue balls! If you want to talk about actual defiance of My Will, go ask the Amalekites how that turned out for them. OH WAIT YOU CAN’T, I HAD THEM SLAUGHTERED DOWN TO THE LAST MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, AND ANIMAL.

        So, do you give consent to getting jiggy with it?

        PS: Did I mention even if you say “no”, I have the power to change your mind like a fucking Jedi?

  • JohnH

    You realize that some women really enjoy cooking, and some enjoy wearing aprons, and some enjoy both cooking and wearing aprons? I might as well make fun of people wearing clothing from Victoria Secret because there marketing campaign is showing how wearing their clothing will make one into a sex object, as if women were only valued for their bodies.

    • Nate Frein

      Yes, but last I checked, Victoria’s Secret isn’t spending millions of dollars pushing a radical anti-gay legislature.

      Context, my friend, is everything.

    • RowanVT

      Because, of course, marketing that a woman is only useful in the home, in the kitchen is totes better, right?

  • Diane Everhart

    I’m envisioning one man in the apron, one dressed as Jesus, throw in the button… you see where this is headed.