Yesterday in the Springfield airport, I emerged from the bathroom to find to police officers standing over my backpack and laptop.
Cop #1: Is this yours?
Me: Yes.
Cop#2: Where were you?
Me: Pooping.
Cop #2: You can’t just do that.
Me: I wiped too.
They were unimpressed with my flippancy and I got a good lecture on how leaving my stuff (after it has already been scanned and re-scanned by the TSA, mind you) is a sure way to get the bomb squad called. I considered informing them that I’d just finished dropping all the major bombs, but they didn’t seem in the mood and I had work to get done.
The take home is that I’m now the biggest terrorist threat to ever hit Springfield, Missouri. I didn’t even take my belt off when I went through the metal detector. My reign of evil knows no bounds.
