The Legend of Uncle Bobolink, Part III.

THE LEGEND OF UNCLE BOBOLINK PART I

THE LEGEND OF UNCLE BOBOLINK PART II

This continues the saga of a troll who keeps swapping his IP address to get around being banned, and who keeps having his comments mysteriously altered by a powerful sorcerer.

With sudden relief, Bobolink remembered some of Faithbrand’s magical qualities: it can be neither seen nor felt! Bobolinks’ trusty blade had been there the entire time! Weapon presumably in-hand, Bobolink prepared for the fight of his life.

The first fact emerged with a splash just to Bobolink’s left. With an automatic reaction built upon years of practice, Bobolink swung his weightless weapon with all of the force his muscles would allow. The fact stared at Bobolink almost confused, before slowly moving toward him continuing its song about a global flood never happening.

Bobolink backpedaled furiously. Why, he wondered, would his lord make a weapon that cannot be felt? Bobolink concluded that god was so much wiser than he, and must have had a reason (though that reason did not improve Uncle Bobolink’s present situation). Though Bobolink was sure his faith could move mountains and overcome any situation, Bobolink elected to amble in the opposite direction with all the haste he could manage with his soaking wet armor.

Immediately, another fact pierced the moat’s surface just in front of Bobolink, this one chanting that morals come from compassion. The fact peered deeply into Bobolink’s eyes with what appeared to be kindness, and whispered, “Do not run. We are trying to help you…”

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!” cried the increasingly desperate troll, still flailing the ineffective Faithbrand for the lack of any other ideas. It seemed hopeless, and deep inside Bobolink began to resign himself to his fate.

“Up here!”

Bobolink’s head whipped upwards. Standing near the castle walls was a figure in the tightest armor Bobolink had ever seen, but which bore a crest which shone brightly in the full moon that was known to the faithful across the land. This man belonged to the clan of Stedman; friends to the faithful, with a legacy of rescuing believers from the facts.

“Climb this rope! Let’s be friends!”

Bobolink wrapped his hands tightly around the rope. He had found a traveling companion, for as long as was convenient anyway. For now though, he was safe from the facts.

Patheos Atheist LogoLike What Would JT Do? and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

True freedom.
EXTREMIST FEMINIST VIDEO
Funny or Die's take on the revelation that Josh Duggar molested five underage girls.
Touch 'em all ministries.
About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X