Alex Jones: they’re not just coming for your guns, but also your children’s heterosexuality.

Alex Jones is onto “them”.  You see, the nebulous “they” (*cough* the government) are putting chemicals into the foods you buy to turn your children gay.

This is exactly the kind of rational person that needs a full arsenal.

Life is short, so anybody who values happiness (read: everybody) needs to figure out how to get the most of it into life as we can.  Seeing invisible threats everywhere you go really impacts that, and it makes it possible to lose the real threats to humanity/decency to get lost behind the fantasies of a paranoid mind.  It must absolutely suck to live that way.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • UsingReason

    Every time I see a clip of this guy I want to believe that he has built himself a studio in his basement and has some wires leading out – to nothing. Because he was to stupid to finish it himself and nobody can hear any of this. The sad thing is he actually has listeners.

  • Rain

    I’m so glad totally-not-gay Alex Jones is looking out for all the totally not gay people. Everybody can sleep better now. Thank you, Alex Jones, who is totally not gay.

  • Adam

    Wow that’s ironic. I actually mentioned this in Stephen’s last post. But you have to admit that Alex Jones can be entertaining at times.

  • Lusy

    Brave man, speaking out for te purity of our precious bodily fluids.

  • Calin Brabandt

    Alex won’t bother you with his guns, I assure you. Leave him alone and he’ll leave you alone.

    • Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

      Yes. Just pay no attention to the lunatic ranting in the corner while he continues to build an arsenal of weapons designed to kill as many people as possible.

      If he can go off like this over a juice box, who is to say what might make him snap? What if he sees someone giving a juice box to a kid? Will he take it upon himself to protect the kid’s precious bodily fluids? Perhaps he might see a truck loaded with pallets of juice boxes and decide that he can’t stand by and watch a truck full of gay get delivered? Maybe he’ll decide to eliminate the threat at its source and shoot up a juice box factory.

    • Loqi

      I’m more worried about Jones’ followers than Jones himself. Heavily-armed people who are pants-shittingly terrified of the world around them and have a charismatic leader telling them something needs to be done about all these gays, women, and Capri Sun workers? Keep them the hell away from civilized society.

  • Wild Rumpus

    I am convinced that Alex Jones has some sort of legitimate mental illness that fuels his paranoia. And I agree that he is totally not gay.

  • Azkyroth

    Alex Jones: they’re not just coming for your guns, but also your children’s heterosexuality.

    “…if you know what I mean.” *sigh*

  • Jasper

    are putting chemicals into the foods you buy to turn your children gay.

    Step 1 for Jones: demonstrate that this is even possible.

  • Bryan

    So…I’m confused. At the start he says that all the flouride and chemicals that are being pumped into our foods by the government are turning us all gay so that we won’t have babies. Then he eviscerates a juice box to prove that the plastic lining is full of the shit he was just talking about. But then he spews some nonsense about the juice box making us “put on short skirts, put on lipstick, get ready to have kids”. I thought the goal of teh gay was to get rid of (or rape, cause being gay is like being a pedophile /snark) babies and family and America, not create a legion of short-skirted floozies.

    • nakedanthropologist

      But you see, all those sluts will get abortions…while at the same time being lesbians. That’s Alex Jones’ (who is totally not batshit insane and who is also totally not a fuckwad) “thinks”. Whew – I’m so relieved that Alex is on the case, who knows what would happen if he didn’t warn us about all of this! Why, to think, I would have described all those so-called “theories” as the paranoid ravings of a syphilitic mind, if it hadn’t been for good ol’ Alex there – fighting the good fight from his basement in his jammies.

    • Loqi

      I took that to mean men putting on short skirts, putting on lipstick, etc. Because in Jones’ mind, gays are just men acting womanly, and the worst thing a man can be is not over-the-top toxically masculine.

  • Glodson

    When I watch that, I just picture Alex Jones cursing stupid sexy Flanders in his mind.
    “It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.”

  • baal

    Alex Jones is a bigoted nut job but I’d be happier if plastics didn’t have pthalates and bisphenol-A. They may have endocrine disruption effects (estrogen analogs). Regardless, there is no evidence at all that the hormone disruption effects would lead to more gay men or that the FEDGOV (let alone Obama) is more responsible for the endocrine disruption than the industries who ty to make plastics as cheaply as possible.

  • Doug

    What baal said. There’s an old saying, “Never attribute to malice that which can be easily explained by incompetence.” A corollary might be “Never attribute to Big Government Conspiracy that which can be easily explained by corporate greed.”