Bulgaria and Romania just lifted their laws prohibiting their citizens from moving to particular other EU nations, like Britain. Nations that have their shit mostly together, like the United Kingdom, are now facing a possible influx of *gasp* immigrants. The question is how to deal with this, and the UK may have found the answer. Britain is considering putting up the cash for an advertising campaign to convince people in other countries that the UK sucks.
Ministers are considering launching a negative advertising campaign in Bulgaria and Romaniato persuade potential immigrants to stay away from the UK.
The plan, which would focus on the downsides of British life, is one of a range of potential measures to stem immigration to Britain next year when curbs imposed on both country’s citizens living and working in the UK will expire.
A report over the weekend quoted one minister saying that such a negative advert would “correct the impression that the streets here are paved with gold”.
Our country sucks! I mean, we’ve got the spare money to run these advertisements informing you about how much our country sucks, but we’ve really got some problems. I know Britain looks spectacular on the news and everything, but we’re really just putting lipstick on a pig. This is what it looks like on the inside.
Just make Richard Dawkins the Prime Minister, that’ll keep a lot of ‘em away.
Other reported options include making it tougher for EU migrants to access public services. Another is to deport those who move to Britain but do not find work within three months.
Yes, our country blows. But if, for some strange reason, you really want to live in our English filth and decide to move here anyway, we’re not going to let you use our abundance of public services (one of those non-sucky things that makes the country look appealing at first glance, but don’t be fooled: the seats are slightly uncomfortable). Oh, and when you can’t find a job because we don’t let immigrants use public transportation, well, it’s time for us to shell out more money to ship you back to your paradise in Bulgaria. So just stay home, ok? We’ll have this all sorted out in a century or so and we’ll call you then.
I also had a trustworthy revelation that the country is considering changing its name to Mediocre Britain.