Priest needed help: handcuffed and gagged in the rectory.

A Catholic priest recently had to phone 911 for a little help with some handcuffs…in the rectory.

The pastor of St. Aloysius church on Springfield’s north end has been granted a leave of absence after he called 911 from the rectory and told a dispatcher that he needed help getting out of handcuffs.

“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Tom Donovan told a dispatcher who sounds a bit incredulous during the Nov. 28 call.

“You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?” the dispatcher asks.

“(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out,” Donovan responds.

Donovan told the dispatcher that he was alone in the rectory. It’s not clear exactly how he ended up in handcuffs or why he feared a medical emergency. His voice sounds garbled or muffled on the tape, and sources say that police discovered some sort of gag on the priest when they arrived.

I feel sorry for the guy – not because he was caught being all kinky, but because he still aligns himself with a group that forbids him his humanity.  Come be with the atheists and be exactly who you are, and as kinky as you want to be.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • iknklast

    Oh, but JT, haven’t you heard? Sex is icky! It says so in the Bible! God doesn’t like sex, and you’re encouraging this guy to condemn his everlasting soul to hell!

    Why did people in the ancient times pick on sex (and food) for their obsessions about things god(s) didn’t like? You learn to control the most basic impulses in a human, you can control everything. But ultimately, you have to get rather mean to continue that sort of control over the things people really, really want to do, like have kinky sex or eat pork. So, Inquisitions. Crusades.

    I’m waiting to see if, with the mass departures taking place from the Catholic Church, they will eventually loosen up yet again and recognize sex as a sacrament? Just to keep from hemorrhaging membership (and money).

    • John Horstman

      You have to remember that these were societies of scarcity; even post-agriculture with the minimal specialization it afforded, food and reproduction (and hence sex) were serious collective considerations (they arguably still are, though people start getting twitchy if one suggests limiting reproduction by force a la China). Religions are, at their cores, systems for enforcing normative behaviors. They’re really pretty similar to other such social/cultural systems, like nationalism (Creation myths! Heroes! Lots of lying and corruption!), ethnocentrism/racism, sexism/cissexism/heterosexism, etc. All of this stuff is about how to get large numbers of people to survive without murdering each other in their sleep for a quick, marginal advantage; this is (historically) most successfully done by declaring your group to be/possess the One True [Sex, Sexuality, Gender, Race, Culture, Religion, Language, Whatever] and marginalizing all of the Others so they can be exploited without remorse (so your group isn’t fucking over other members of your group, only Others, helping your group survive – it’s about channeling antisocial impulses that are the unfortunate remnant of evolution by natural selection). This is complicated by the fact that our historical narratives are written by the privileged and not the marginalized, so we rarely see contemporary counter-narratives unless we seek them out, and historical counter-narratives tend to be suppressed or even expunged by dominant groups.

      • Steve

        They figured out very early on that sexuality is the best way to control people. People have little to no control over their sex drive. So they invent an illness and then promise a cure, knowing perfectly well that people will be back sooner or later. And if they suppress their sexuality, they still have some sexual thoughts, but will just feel bad for them. That destroys their self-confidence and makes them easier to control in other areas.

  • IslandBrewer

    Wait, wasn’t that a movie on Then the big burly policemen swagger in and find the tied up helpless priest.

    It explains why the rosary beads were made of latex.

    *cheesy music*