Most insulting fundraiser ever.

The poor, poor Catholic Church.  The Los Angeles diocese is having a bit of trouble.  They have to pay out all this money for aiding and abetting child rapists, and they don’t know who to turn to.

Amid continuing anger over the poor handling of sexual abuse cases by Catholic Church officials over several decades — and still deeply in the red from settlements with victims — the Archdiocese of Los Angeles is considering the launch of a massive fundraising campaign, according to the website of a Catholic fundraising organization.

The non-profit Guidance in Giving lists the Los Angeles-area Catholic Church among its “diocesan accounts” and says it is exploring a campaign to raise $200 million for the diocese to meet “a variety of needs,” including “priests’ retirement, seminarian education, Catholic schools, Catholic Charities and parish needs.”

Euphemisms are fun.  “Priests retirement” kind of sounds like “retirement for the families of the children our priests raped”, but not quite.

If only there was a guy who controlled vast amounts of wealth and who, himself, had attempted to cover up the indiscretions of child rapists…

Joseph Ratzinger, 265th Pope. Head of the Catholic Church, of which the Los Angeles diocese is a part. A guy who controls vast amounts of wealth and who, himself, has attempted to cover up the indiscretions of child rapists.

But no, the Catholic Church can’t just take financial responsibility by paying the ordered amount to their victims out of the church’s own coffers.  It’s time for a fundraiser.  To spread the word of god?  No, silly – because yet another priest, imbued with morality-enhancing True faith, decided to fuck some of the children in his charge, and the church that is the source of all morality would like you to pick up a large part of the check.  Because the Catholic Church is hurtin’ right now.

Think of it like original sin: humans get punished for the sin of someone else.  Now Catholics get to pay the price for the Catholic Church’s crimes.  To test if this is a weak con or really how the Catholic Church really views justice, the next time you get a speeding ticket send it to the Catholic Church and ask them to pay the price for your misdeeds.  I’ll bet they find it hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious…

“I cannot undo the failings of the past that we find in these pages,” Gomez said in his letter.

“To every Catholic in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, I want you to know: We will continue, as we have for many years now, to immediately report every credible allegation of abuse to law enforcement authorities and to remove those credibly accused from ministry.”

Yeah, the Catholic Church is going to turn over a new leaf, just as soon as all you chums in the pews cover their bill.  Sounds a lot like “C’mon baby.  You know I’ll never hit you again.  I mean it this time.  I’m a new man.  Now why don’t you buy me a steak dinner?”  The Catholic Church doesn’t belong in gilded halls, it belongs on Jerry Springer.

And then…

Just a few days after the documents were made public, The New York Times reported on watchdog allegations that many names in the files that should have been made public were redacted, and that parts of the personnel files were missing.

Yeah, about that turning over a new leaf thing.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me 12389767912340 times…

Pro tip: if you have to pick between donating to find a cure for breast cancer or to let an organization that protects child rapists off the financial hook, go with god breast cancer.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Glodson

    Pro tip: if you have to pick between donating to find a cure for breast cancer or to let an organization that protects child rapists off the financial hook, go with god breast cancer.

    The choices presented: donate money to fight cancer, or support a cancerous institution. Tough call.

    I think I would give money to support the spread of pubic lice before I gave money to the Catholic Church.

  • baal

    RCC 4th quarter profits were down and many regions of the US are under performing for 12 years in a row on the year over year chart in collections vs the population numbers & average wealth. They even had to sell some land (hit to long term rent revenue) they didn’t pay taxes on to cover short term operating funds in several sales distr archdioceses. If this keeps up, they’ll have to cut back on weekend service!

  • Liberated Liberal

    I know it’s just pocket change, but if the Church tries really, REALLY hard, I’ll bet they could use some of the measly $3 BILLION that the US government gives them every fucking year to help pay the victims of sexual assault.

    Hard times, I know.

  • Steve

    If only the Vatican bank were better managed they could use money from that…

  • invivoMark

    Aw, they really missed an opportunity for alliteration with “rapists’ retirement”. I guess that wouldn’t sell as well, would it?

  • Steven Rowlinson

    ‘We will continue, as we have for many years now’

    For some reason that’s the only sentiment expressed by a representative of the RCC that I can believe…

    • Neil Allen

      Their losing their foolish followers in droves. They may lose their California franchise completely, and others are soon to follow. They’ll be gone in 2 generations.

  • Loqi

    Let the fucking fuckers go broke. Since the legal system seems too scared to put these assholes in prison, the least we can do is make the fucks go bankrupt. Fuck.

    Tangentially related: We need more inventive expletives to describe the RCC, because they keep coming up with more inventive ways to deserve it. The ones I’ve got aren’t enough.

  • Anonymous

    The guy lounges around on a golden throne and they’re holding a fundraiser.

  • Pingback: The Los Angeles diocese found some new funds.()

  • Charles Donaldon

    I think the Catholics should demand some reforms before giving one nickel.
    1. Sell the new cathedral on Bunker Hill. This is a monument to Mahony and the sale would aid their balance sheet.
    2. Demand that all monies and assets of the Archdiocese but put under an independent board of directors instead of the corporation sole where the Archbishop owns everything. Medieval times need to end.
    3. Restore the laity some control of who are their bishops by having the new board conduct an acclamation election. If the bishops don’t get a majority, fire them. This would restore the ancient practice and end the Dark Ages in Los Angeles.

  • Charles Donaldon

    Add another settlement and the total reaches $748 million!
    Add $28 million from the Santa Barbara Franciscan settlement.
    Add $100 million for the Diocese of Orange which used to be a part of the Archdiocese.

    The number keeps getting bigger. Isn’t time for the state legislature to hold public hearings?

  • Charles Robert Donaldson, SR.

    My family is buried at Holy Cross and so are many friends and relatives. I was there when perpetual care was explained. They stole our money.

    I have a suggestion for Gomez. Sell the property. Sell the Cathedral that cost over $189 million. Let them gather all the sacred vessels and candelabras and melt the gold and silver. Let then use dishes from thrift stores or Dollar Tree. They can hold services in the parks and community centers.

    If I lived there I would not donate one red cent to the LA Archdiocese.

  • Carl Miller

    How despicable! This vile cult needs to be closed down! Enough is enough!

  • Neil Allen

    In a related story, Ariel Castro, the guy who kidnapped and imprisoned 3 women in his home and sexually abused them for 10 years is also holding a fundraiser, and he is every bit as much of a spokesman for God as the pedophile protecting, filthy rich Catholic church.

  • Kristi Kille

    Please, don’t Catholic bash!! Priests are human beings and subject to sin just the same as you and I. Yes, what some of them did was very, very sinful!! But, there are so many WONDERFUL, holy, Priests!! So, please don’t condemn the Catholic Church — the Catholic Priests — because of a few bad apples in the bushel. Rather, pray for them.

    These Priests would have done these horrible actions regardless of what their state in life would be. It just so happens that they are Priests. Protestant ministers do the same exact thing; but, we don’t hear anything about them!! What about the countless children, all around the world, who are molested by their own parents and nobody does a THING about it, provided that anyone even knows!! Why not go after the parents instead of these few Priests?? Why not SPEAK OUT against THEM, instead?? How many of you, reading this, were molested by your OWN PARENTS; but, spoke nothing about it??

    None of you are posting because you absolutely LOVE children!! You are simply posting because you HATE the Catholic Church because it is the True Church Founded by Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself!! If you are really and truly posting such because you absolutely LOVE children, (and I do), and for absolutely no other reason, you would do your BEST to help every single child, around the world, who is being molested in the home!! The few who have done so in the Priesthood, are as nothing compared to the amount of parents who do this to their own children!!

    I am against anyone doing such horrendous acts upon children. But, WAKE UP and smell the roses, people!! Go after the PARENTS who molest their own children, instead of the few Priests who do. Speak out against those parents!! Most of molestations happen in the home.

    Rather than condemn the Catholic Priesthood, pray for them!! You will, if you are really and truly against the sins that the Priests have committed. But, no matter how sinful each Priest is, during all Seven Sacraments, they represent Jesus, OUR GOD, in the Godhead!! You don’t have to like what they do — and we are not to like ANY sins — but, you must respect them in their office as Priests.

    I will pray for all of you and for your Eternal Salvation!!