NTSC: Sam Singleton.

I will never miss a Sam Singleton presentation when I’m at a convention, or whenever he comes close to where I’m at.  He’s a good person, a spectacular and inventive writer, and he knows how to work a room.  Seriously, catch him if you can.

Sam has a cross on stage.  He came out and hung his coat and hat on it.  God damn.

“I do not debate the existence of god.  The question of the existence of ghosts and goblins has been answered to the satisfaction of any person with any sense – which does not include my cousin, Palmer.”  That could be the start of a novel.

“Palmer doesn’t have much use for science until he needs a doctor.  Then he’s happy to let the doctor pick up where god left off.”

“Somebody told Palmer that curiosity killed the cat and Palmer took it to heart.”

“There are atheists in fox holes. What you’ll never find in a foxhole is a biblical literalist. If you’ve got a Christian in a foxhole and a mortar round blows his arm clearn off, is the first word out of his mouth “medic!” or “chaplain!”?”

“His heart’s in the right place, but his head’s up his ass.”

“The best Palmer can think of is to say that atheism is just another religion.  That’s like saying “you’re just as bad as we are.”  Imagine being called a hypocrite by a Christian.”

Sam’s doing a new show.  This is him at his best.  Wow.

“If not for creationists, I never would’ve discovered beer, which has added more to my life than god ever did.”

“If I had listened to my family, I would’ve been denied the rich catharsis of swearing when it was most called for.”

“How about this: you convey upon us the cultural advantages afforded to religion and you can call us whatever you like.”

“I don’t hate believers…that would be wrong.  I don’t hate god…that would be stupid.”

“As for those accusing Brother Sam of hate, I do not care what they think.  Plus, fuck ’em.”

“Some atheists don’t like the word atheist because it defines us based upon what we oppose.  Not me.  I’m fine with that.  Abolitionists were defined based on what they opposed and it suited them just fine.”

The whole audience is rolling here.  Holy crap.  I hope Sam makes this his go-to show.

“His daughter has a PhD from MIT in artificial intelligence, which is what he displays when he tries to use science to defend god.”

Sam has a real talent for having the audience rolling with laughter, and then in one line making you pull an emotional 180 so that you just want to give him a hug because of what his religious family did.  It’s really inspiring for me as a performer.  I would love to be able to do what Sam does.

“There’s not any historical evidence that Jesus ever existed.  He’s just as real as Huckleberry Finn, just less noble.”

“It’s a black lie that coercion under threat of torture is equivalent to a choice freely made.”

Sam Singleton on stage.

“Desecrating expressions of faith counts as a hate crime.  Vandalizing an atheist billboard doesn’t.”

“Just because so many believers hate uncle Sam doesn’t mean I need to hate ’em back.  Someone has to exercise some moral judgment.”

“Christians wish the atheists were more godly – not in the sense of being good, but in the sense of not existing.”

“An increasing number of churches are of monumental proportions – designed by those without scruples for those without taste.”

“As soon as Constantine got right with the lord in 313, the sandal was on the other foot.  And item A on the agenda was to put that foot square up the ass of everybody else.”

“The last time Christians were persecuted in the USA was never.”

“You can’t blame atheists for persecution served up by your spiritual king.”

“Some atheists would rather endure an endless swatch of insults and injuries than risk offending those dishing them out.”

“The many have always wanted docility and deference from the few.”

“After centuries of civil discourse, we’re still subsidizing with our tax dollars the very things we oppose on grounds intellectual, ethical, and humane.”

On profanity: “Most profanities have no concise synonym.  My goal is not to offend, it is to communicate clearly.”

“If you come to a Sam Singleton show, expect to hear what happens when the marginalized minority speaks about the marginalizing majority.”

“I do not set out to make you mad…it’s just a happy accident.”

“Anybody whose full name is Granville Oral Roberts and goes by their middle name is either bragging or advertising.”

I’m just going to go ahead and post this blog…I could keep quoting Sam all night and be happy, but I’d also have a near encyclopedia on my hands.


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